BOB
FROM ACCOUNTING ANGRILY DENIES ASIAN FETISH TO CALIFORNIA
VOTERS LOS
ANGELES - Embarrassing photos of Bob From Accounting surfaced
less than one week before the end of the California recall
election, and some voters in California are demanding an explanation.
"Despite what you may have heard, I do not have any kind
of Asian fetish," Bob said. "I
love Asians as much as the next guy, but not in some kind
of weird, perverted way. I promise if I'm elected, I will
work just as hard for petite and exotic-looking Mexicans and
Armenians." Campaign staffers immediately accused lily-white,
Orange County candidate Brooke
Adams of releasing the photos out of jealousy and spite.
As a goodwill gesture, Bob promises he will no longer use
the campaign slogan, "no more yanky my wanky."
BOB
DECLARES WAR AGAINST OTHER OBSCURE RECALL CANDIDATES LOS
ANGELES - California gubernatorial candidate Bob From
Accounting declared war on obscure 25-year-old independent
candidate Brooke
Adams, after failing to convince her to drop out of the
race or go on a date with him. Bob referred to Adams as a
"whiny, little attention whore and direct byproduct of
the horrible education system in California." Adams responded
that Bob was an overweight, unemployed leech on the taxpayers
and she would not date him if he was the last man on Earth.Read
the actual correspondence»
BOB
FROM ACCOUNTING 'IRREPLACEABLE' UNLESS HE QUITS OR SUDDENLY
DIES
BFA
HQ — After careful consideration, BFA editors announced
contingency plans Thursday in the event that Bob From Accounting
should quit the website, suffer a debilitating illness or
die suddenly without notice. 'Fake Bob' finalist, and struggling
Los Angeles-based actor Steve Short, was excited and hopeful
about the possibility of replacing Bob in an unforeseen emergency.
BFA made the decision based on the recent passing of John
Ritter and ABC/Disney's decision to keep his TV show on the
air. Though Ritter won't be replaced, BFA editors have decided
that Bob will.
10.2.03 - Bob
From Accounting trucker hats are coming in a matter of weeks!
For those of you kiddies living outside the hipster centers
of NYC and LA, you might not realize just how cool it is to
walk around in a cheap nylon mesh hat pretending you're poor
white trash. Here at BFA, we're not into all that trendy crap,
but Ashton Kutcher wears these all the time and he's banging
Demi Moore! 'Nuff said. Please note, if you're actually
poor white trash, wearing one doesn't quite have the same
effect.
I'm putting the call out for
BFA help one more time. I usually don't post job listings
here but this one is important. We are actively soliciting
comic book illustrators. And hookers. But mostly comic book
illustrators. If you are someone with professional comic book
experience or know a pathetic geek involved in this industry,
we have a paying gig. That's right, actual cash. And not those
queer peach-colored new $20 bills, but the real green stuff.
Email me
for details and any dating opportunities you may hear about.
Have a great week and please, if you are a resident of the
state of California, or you live out of state but know how
to break into a balloting center, please vote for Bob From
Accounting on October 7th.
I wish that I was more like water
Because water is really cool
Everything, everywhere likes water
From people to plants to mules
Water is always satisfying
And is famous for being refreshing
And there is no denying
That water is very thirst quenching
Water often comes as a liquid
Or it sometimes will come as steam
It can disguise itself as a solid
And when it storms it can be mean
What amazes me about water
Is that it can grow life from nothing but dirt
But what I most admire about water
Is when water falls, it never gets hurt
Sado-Masochistic Freak by Anna, location unknown
Do all the things you wouldn't do with your wife
Be a sado-masochistic freak for one night of your life
Don't be loving, don't be true
Cuz i just wanna melt with you
You be tarzan,I'll be jane
Give me pleasure, inflict pain
Call me names and whip me raw
Till this ice-maiden starts to thaw
And melt until she's on her knees
Begging to taste your anti-freeze.
Are you a
crappy poet? Send
it inWinning
poetry entries will be awarded prizes every week!
LOS
ANGELES - Embarrassing photos of Bob From Accounting surfaced
less than one week before the end of the California recall
election, and some voters in California are demanding an explanation.
"Despite what you may have heard, I do not have any kind
of Asian fetish," Bob said. 
"I
love Asians as much as the next guy, but not in some kind
of weird, perverted way. I promise if I'm elected, I will
work just as hard for petite and exotic-looking Mexicans and
Armenians." Campaign staffers immediately accused lily-white,
Orange County candidate 
BFA
HQ — After careful consideration, BFA editors announced
contingency plans Thursday in the event that Bob From Accounting
should quit the website, suffer a debilitating illness or
die suddenly without notice. 'Fake Bob' finalist, and struggling
Los Angeles-based actor Steve Short, was excited and hopeful
about the possibility of replacing Bob in an unforeseen emergency.
BFA made the decision based on the recent passing of John
Ritter and ABC/Disney's decision to keep his TV show on the
air. Though Ritter won't be replaced, BFA editors have decided
that Bob will. 
