Bob From Accounting: "Life as a Trainwreck"

BOB NOW MOTIVATED BY NEWLY REVIVED CAREER OF TONY DANZA

Reprinted from Bob's private journal

Dear Journal,

Lesson #18 I've learned from Tony Danza: NEVER GIVE UP. When every sign points to the fact that you're a washed up talentless hack, you need to prove everyone wrong and get a daytime talk show. Though it's a similar lesson to the one where you can bang the lonely divorced mother if you work as the hunky live-in housekeeper, it's still different enough to call a new lesson. Anyway, Mr. Danza has taught me so much about perseverance and I now I realize I shouldn't quit my dreams of writing a novel and/or screenplay or becoming a famous celebrity's best friend. Speaking of which, I wrote Mr. Danza another letter where I spell out just how I could be worked in as a recurring guest on his show. I also wrote a letter to Corey Feldman threatening to kill him. I'm not sure why, but it made me feel better.

RETRO BOB:

BOB HOLDS CANDLELIGHT VIGIL FOR TONY DANZA

Reprinted from Bob's private journal (June, 2002)

Dear Journal,

I finally found a cheap place to stay in Hollywood. It's the cutest little youth hostel right next to the famous Mann's Chinese Theater. It's sort of like a bed and breakfast, except with homeless people. I can tell already it's just like a big family because everyone on my floor shares the same toilet. My bunkmate is named Ziggy and he's a young musician that ran away from home and moved out here to be famous.I told him all about my plans and that I probably could help him once I meet Tony Danza because Tony has just recorded a brand new single and most certainly has contacts in the record industry. At first he didn't believe I knew Tony, but then I showed him my letter from his attorneys. Gotta run now, I'm about to clean the urine off Tony's star while Ziggy gets his scrotum pierced. I'm so bohemian!

READ BOB'S JOURNAL ARCHIVES »

EDITOR'S RANT

by Scott Howard Leva, Editor in Chief

First, a little housekeeping: We are putting the call out [again] for writers, columnists, reviewers and most importantly, flash animators. Many of you have sent emails in the past and, well, I threw them in the trash because that's the kind of asshole I was. But I've had a change of heart because of a recent near death experience which made me both more likeable and more patient with children and shitty, amateurish writers. If you think you got what it takes, we're hiring, so send us a note.

I'd also like to give a little thanks to popular rock jock Doc Reno, for our nearly half hour interview on Miami radio last week.

Update on my future Emmy Award: I drafted a letter that will be sent off to more than 100 production companies pitching a "Bob From Accounting" TV show. Unfortunately, I haven't sent out the letter yet because I can't afford stamps. As a sidenote, any of you readers who work for the U.S. Postal Service should know that stealing stamps and sending them to us is considered a crime of passion and nearly impossible to prosecute.

Tons of T-shirts in the BFA Store