Please
enjoy this short Halloween movie directly from BFA's animation
sweatshop. Have a safe and happy holiday and for God's
sake, there's no such thing as "The Great Pumpkin,"
loser!
Click "PLAY" to watch the movie. If you
can't see it, you probably need to download
Flash.
BOB
SUFFERS POST-ELECTION DEPRESSION; CONSUMES DEADLY COMBINATION
OF COKE AND POP ROCKS
Reprinted
from Bob's Journal
Dear Journal,
It's
not like I really wanted to be governor. Mostly I just wanted
that annoying
bitch to get fewer votes than me. She thinks she
is so hot, but she's got a freakishly
long tongue, which I find very, very unattractive. I basically
decided to kill myself using the possibly deadly mix of Pop
Rocks and Coke. It didn't work, but it's better than jumping
off the friggin' Niagra Falls...
BFA AUCTIONS DAVID BLAINE'S
44-DAY-OLD UNDIES FOR CHARITY!
While
it may look like a joke, it certainly doesn't smell like one.The editors of BFA have acquired a one-of-a-kind piece
of magic memorabilia--the actual pair of undies illusionist
David Blaine wore during most of his 44 days sitting in a
box high above London. The attractive pair of boxer-briefs
was air-shipped to BFA headquarters sealed in a ziplock bag
so as not to disturb any DNA matter which might be attached.
While we can't verify he wore them all 44 days, we can verify
they smell at least 35 days old. Freeballing aside,
this is a once in a lifetime opportunity to own
a piece of history.
**Update:
Ebay has removed the listing. Believe it or not, they have
a policy against listing used undies. Go figure. Therefore,
we will relist the auction somewhere else. If you want to
own David Blaine's stinky shorts which lovingly cradled his
"sack of life" for 6 weeks, please
email us with your bid.
"eBay does not permit the sale of any used undergarments,
including but not limited to: athletic supporters, boxer or
jockey shorts, briefs, full-length panty hose, panties, and
thongs. Any hint or insinuation in the auction listing that
the undergarments have been previously worn will not be permitted.
This includes: modeling the undergarments even if it is stated
that the undergarments for sale are not the ones being modeled,
holding the undergarments in front of one's body, describing
the undergarments as "un Worn" or "un Used",
offering to fulfill "special requests", and any
other suggestion that the seller is attempting to circumvent
this policy. Auctions with any such implications can and will
be ended at eBay's discretion."
Weekly
Columnists Below
EDITOR'S
RANT
10.30.03 - Happy
Halloween and God bless NBC, ABC, CBS, Fox Television and
all their development executives.
10.24.03 - That's
right, we are actually auctioning off David Blaine's 44-day
old undies he wore while living in a box over the Thames River
for the last six weeks. How did we actually aquire the famous
undies, you ask? David Blaine happens to be a huge fan of
this website. That wasn't always the case. After we teased
him a little bit, he threatened to kick our asses unless
we posted a retraction. Always, the peacekeeper, Bunsen saw
him at a party and they became
good friends. This is a Bob From Accounting exclusive.
Make
a bid today!
In sadder news, most of you
have by now heard that Liza Minnelli has filed
for divorce from her husband David Gest. Gest, in turn
has filed a $10 million lawsuit against the diva claiming
she bitch
slapped him on daily basis. I gotta admit, I have a whole
new respect for this guy who has clearly put his macho image
on the line and told the world that he got beat up by a fat,
washed-up caberet singer. This diary
from the New York Post tells the real real story. For
those who need more explanation, this is the case of a woman
with severe addiction
problems and the 50-yearold virgin who married her. I
liked the movie "Arthur" too, but even then—like
20 years ago— she was still relatively gross. Now, she's
really gross. Why can't I get the image of them having
sex out of my head? Are you thinking about it too? Like right
now? All sweaty and wrinkled and disgusting as they say things
like "that's right, take me hard, big boy!" And
Liza responds, "You want pain, oh, you'll get pain...."
Oh
bearded man, Oh bearded man
You look so sad and weary
Oh bearded man, oh bearded man
Your eyes are red and teary
Oh look a change in hairy man's mood
You go from sad to anger crude
Oh bearded man, oh bearded man
You look so mad and angry
Oh bearded man, oh bearded man
Your eyes are crossed and firey
Your mood swings move us all
Your tears do flow, your height is tall
Oh bearded man, oh bearded man
This is last call
Sea
Monkey by Robin
Suspended and freeze-dried in a cozy foil shell,
What dreams do you dream?
Pray do tell
The moment of creation,
You awake from the evil spell --
I'd like to be excited, but frankly I can't tell
if you're happy in you're new home or DOA in hell
Purified and tranquil in the water that you dwell;
How many of your powdered brothers
did I spill outside your plastic vessel?
Low these many days I wait like a sentinel
For you to wear the crown in your little citadel.
My tiny, mucus-like backwash friend,
A brine shrimp without a cocktail.
Sado-Masochistic Freak by Anna, location unknown
Do all the things you wouldn't do with your wife
Be a sado-masochistic freak for one night of your life
Don't be loving, don't be true
Cuz i just wanna melt with you
You be tarzan,I'll be jane
Give me pleasure, inflict pain
Call me names and whip me raw
Till this ice-maiden starts to thaw
And melt until she's on her knees
Begging to taste your anti-freeze.
Are you a
crappy poet? Send
it inWinning
poetry entries will be awarded prizes every week!
Reprinted
from Bob's Journal
While
it may look like a joke, it certainly doesn't smell like one.
The editors of BFA have acquired a one-of-a-kind piece
of magic memorabilia--the actual pair of undies illusionist
David Blaine wore during most of his 44 days sitting in a
box high above London. The attractive pair of boxer-briefs
was air-shipped to BFA headquarters sealed in a ziplock bag
so as not to disturb any DNA matter which might be attached.
While we can't verify he wore them all 44 days, we can verify
they smell at least 35 days old. Freeballing aside,
this is a once in a lifetime opportunity to 
**Update:
Ebay has removed the listing. Believe it or not, they have
a policy against listing used undies. Go figure. Therefore,
we will relist the auction somewhere else. If you want to
own David Blaine's stinky shorts which lovingly cradled his
"sack of life" for 6 weeks, 
