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Ft. Lauderdale, FL -- With less than two weeks to
the Presidential election, undecided voters, which may constitute
as much as 10% of the electorate, have been hounded by candidates,
celebrities and even frustrated friends and family members
pleading with them to finally make up their minds.
"I'm trying really hard but it's not easy," explained
undecided voter Debra Meyers."I watched all three of
the debates because my teacher made us, and was about to make
a decision but then I saw this really pretty fork sitting
on the table. I thought, well that's a really pretty fork
and I never noticed it before. It's shiny and silvery and
has a nice pattern. I thought to myself, I could just stare
at this fork forever. It really screwed up my decision on
who to vote for. Then I sort of forgot about it afterwards."
Traditionally, voters who remain uncommitted in the late
stages of national elections tend to get distracted easily
and have difficulty making other important decisions, like
which shoes they should wear or what they need to TiVo while
they are in class.
Tim Norwood found himself in a similar dilemma. "I
had decided that I was going to vote for Bush because I'm
afraid of getting bombed by terrorists and he hates terrorists
more than that other guy, but then I looked up to the sky
and noticed the sun. It was so big and fiery and orange. I
never really looked at it before. Anyway, a few hours later
when I was being treated in the hospital for a burn on my
cornea, I totally forgot about which candidate I was leaning
towards. Now everyone is yelling at me. I'm so confused."
Other undecided voters say that they are purposely waiting
to make their final decision until the last minute, and meanwhile,
they will enjoy all the attention and gifts they are getting
from both candidates.
"I got candy," 70-year-old retiree Jake Ringley
said. "I'm leaning towards Kerry because it's... really
good candy, like the kind you get at the movie theater. Bush's
campaigners just gave me a pamphlet and a pack of smokes."
"Just make up your mind already!" screamed Republican
Ben Samuelson. "It's not that difficult. If you want
a strong stance against terrorism , vote for Bush, if you
want someone to focus on the economy and important social
issues here at home, vote for Kerry. Or wait, maybe I have
it backwards. Nevermind."
Julie Berman, a volunteer registering voters at a nearby
community center said she doesn't want to influence anyone's
decision with her own opinion and would be satisfied if people
exercised their right to vote -- for either candidate.
"I would never pressure anyone to vote for one candidate
over another," Berman said. "As long as they vote
I will be happy. If they aren't familiar with the issues or
have questions, all they have to do is watch the totally excellent
and informative documentary produced by genius filmmaker Michael
Moore."
Despite the immense pressure, some voters have managed to
ignore the campaign rhetoric and come to a decision based
on their own opinions.
"It's been difficult decision but I would like to say
that I have finally made up my mind," said one undecided
voter. "After a lot of consideration about the issues
most important to me, I will vote for--- ooh, look a kitty
cat. Hi kitty cat. Look at the pretty kitty cat. Come here
pretty witty kitty cat. That's right, you are a pretty, witty
kitty cat, Aren't you? Aren't you? Yes you are!
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