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BAGDAD —Just weeks after an election reaped a
reported 100% of votes to keep Iraqi leader Saddam Hussein
in office, Cabinet officials announced Monday that 100% of
Iraqi citizens would surely dress as Hussein during their
first ever celebration of Halloween.
"I have no doubt that on October 31st, every man, woman
and child will dye their hair, grow a burly black mustache
and don an expensive Armani suit to honor our fearless leader,"
said Deputy Prime Minister Tariq Aziz. "I can't wait!"
Iraq, a traditional Muslim country who has never held a nationwide
celebration of Halloween, seems to be bolstered by Hussein's
100% approval rating and wants to show the Western World that
the Iraqi citizens are firmly behind their rightfully elected
leader.
According to government pollsters of the ruling Ba'ath Party,
not only do 100% of all unmarried Iraqi women want to lose
their virginity to Hussein, but 100% of Iraqi men wish they
could be more like Hussein.
"Our polls conclusively prove that 100% of our countrymen
think Saddam Hussein is the smartest, most capable person
in the entire world —Arab or otherwise," said Foreign
Minister Naji Sabri. "In addition, 100% of Iraqi citizens
agree he has the best name, is the handsomest, has the best
sense of humor, and picks out the best jacket-and-tie combinations."
Instead of "trick or treating" or eating Halloween
staples such as carmel apples and candy corn, the Interior
Ministry plans to hand out highly prized nuggets of weapons-grade
uranium to Arab children everywhere.
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Top:
Iraqi man wins 4th place for best costume in the over-30 category.
Below: An American boy plans to dress as his favorite Taliban
leader.
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