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BFA'S EXCLUSIVE COVERAGE OF
THE WINONA RYDER TRIAL!
 *NEW
UPDATES — You wanna
see the trial? Well, BFA is
there. However, due to budget constraints and a 20-year low in consumer
confidence, the guy who makes our t-shirts, Billy "T-Bone"
Tsangares has been forced to double up his duties as our roving courtroom
reporter. T-Bone may not a bonafide journalist but he holds the distinction
of failing out of both law school and journalism school during a 10-year
period when he was trying "to find himself." So for the
next week or so, he's our very own version of Greta Van Susteren,
minus cosmetic surgery... or pants.
ALMOST DAILY UPDATES - 11.05.02
WIN A DATE WITH BOB!
 HOLLYWOOD,
CA — Bob From Accounting is charming, he's affable, he's
sexy and now he's available to you - the female BFA reader. Simply
follow the link to Bob's
unofficial fan page and you will enter a world where dreams
are made. Tell us
why you would be a perfect date for Bob, include a recent photo,
and you can win a night of unbridled romance - complete with dinner,
dancing and lots of expensive gifts donated by our sponsors.
GO»
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 EDITOR'S
RANT
10.30.02 — Besides
our Winona coverage which we will be updating almost daily
during the trial, please make sure to check out Yu's
new column below. Speaking of columnists, in an effort
to keep you coming back on days other than Wednesdays and
because it's too much work for the rest of us to meet the
regular deadline, columns will now be updated on odd days
of the week. For example Yu on Monday, Debby on Tuesday,
Shizzy on Friday, etc. The new issue will still go up every
Weds— you get the point. So come back and check often!
*
Important update— some of you may notice that my
little sister Cindy was named loser of the week (lower right
hand column). Yet, strangely her face is now pixilated. It
turns out that my mother, who does not frequent this website
nor support her son in any viable, human kind of way, happened
to get a note from her friend who goes to the site merely
to laugh at what her sad, degenerate son has become. You
think I'm kidding? Then
read the letter.
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 Cruel,
Cruel Email From Deep Within the Bowels of Slacker Hell
SHIZZY'S
MAILBAG
New entries 10.23.02
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 1970's
Chinese action star, Yu Weng Po offers advice for losers,
substance abusers and flabby, out-of-shape Americans. Weekly.
ASK
YU NEW!
10.30.02
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 Get
dating and relationship advice from Debby, the somewhat
bitter, mediocre-looking friend of several really hot chicks.
Weekly.
Read
Debby's Column New
Entries 10.23.02
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Crappy Poetry Contest #2 winner: Steve Vanduine of Kalamazoo, Michigan.
Congratulations!
"Rites of Autumn"
Little birds, gather, flit and twitter,
Farting midgets sprinkle glitter,
Leaves change from green to red,
Sometimes gold or brown like bred.
Lake’s too cold to swim in now,
Neighbor arrested for humping cow,
Deer feel frisky, migrating ducks,
Whores raise their rates to fifty bucks.
Hot cocoa and hayrides, apple cider,
Kung Fu, chopstick, monkey slider,
Trick or Treat, pass out the candy,
Get off my land, you limpwrist dandy.
The rites of autumn come and pass,
Glitter sprinkling midget gas,
Leaves change from green to red,
Now I lay me down to bed.
Crappy Poetry Contest #1 winner: Ed Moss of NYC.
Congratulations!
"Ode to Wesley Crusher"
Wesley
Crusher, I got a gusher
Wesley
Crusher, I got a gusher
And
your Name is written all over it.
It's not Picard or James T. Kirk
That
makes me want to jerk
My
pen out and write you this letter
Wesley
Crusher, I got a gusher
Wesley
Crusher, I got a gusher
And
your Name is written all over it.
When I first saw you on the screen
I
knew one day I'd feel your spleen
Destiny
is written in the stars
Not
behind these prison bars
I was lost but now I'm found
For
in your ass I shall pound
Are you a crappy poet? Send
it in
.
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From
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Scientists,
TV Execs Develop World's Shortest Black Actor For New
Fall Lineup
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My
Little Sister
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Vital
Stats
Name:
Cindy
Age:
5
Nickname(s):
Poopy Pants, Tattletale, "Mom's Little Accident",
Buzzkill
Pros:
Knows alphabet by heart, says adorable things that make
parents gleam with joy, distracts parents from noticing older
sibling's rampant drug use and chronic masturbation
Cons:
Resorts to extortion, uses brother's porn magazine clippings
to make paper dolls, smells like combination of baby powder
and ass
Recent
Quote(s): "I'm telling mommy", "you're
in big trouble", "Why are you such a loser?",
How come you don't have a job?", "Mommy and Daddy
love me more than they love you", "Mommy said I
can have your college money since you failed out"
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 WORST
CASE SCENARIO HANDBOOK
The Bob Edition Vol. II
 2002
ETHNIC CLEANSING AWARDS
READ RESULTS»
Corey Feldman photos!
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