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Big Bear Lake, CA - Despite numerous kidnappings,
murders and unsolved crimes in the neighborhood, a drifter
handyman is not always to blame, says Pete "Big Red"
McGregor, vice president of the Local 741 chapter of transient
artisans.
"I take umbrage at the thought that a drifter handyman
like myself will automatically kill or kidnap a family member
whose rain gutters I'm cleaning or drywall I'm spackling for
tax-free, below minimum wage income," McGregor said.
"Frankly, it's an insult."
Drifter handymen considered going on strike Monday after
learning of the confession of Green River killer Gary Ridgway,
whose nearly 20 year murder spree caused headaches for members
of the Local 741, despite the fact that most of the murders
occurred in Seattle or parts of Oregon.
"Sure, I was in Seattle during the mid-1980's but I
was fixing lawnmowers and befriending children with fatherly
advice and wisdom," area handyman Bobby Joe Merkin said.
"Just because I was a little resentful they got to sleep
in a nice warm bed that I wrecked my back hauling up the stairs
or I wasn't allowed to use their toilet or drink from their
glasses, doesn't mean I would kill the entire family while
they were sleeping and then take the youngest daughter who
was clearly attracted to me and make her my wife after I gained
her trust during lessons on surviving in the woods. It never
even dawned on me."
Big Bear residents admit they are terrified of McGregor and
are quick to point out the famous Elizabeth Smart abduction
as well as legendary tales of drifter handymen chopping up
local families with a weed whacker just moments after finishing
the lawn. But they also fear a strike would force homeowners
to hire expensive, licensed professionals, who may also insist
on using their toilets.
"We are oppressed just like carnival workers and escaped
mental patients," McGregor insists. "Sometimes we
even register on the sex offender's list just because we're
not listed in the phone book and that's the only way people
can reach us. If that isn't reason enough to strike, then
I don't know what is."
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Above:
Drifter Handyman Pete "Big Red" McGregor has a glass
eye and a plate in his head, but is as harmless as a bunny.
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