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 Dear
Website Readers,
Normally I don't get involved in the day to day activities of this
website because, in all honesty, I don't find it very funny and
it's mostly a source of continual annoyance for me in many ways
which I will not get into right here. But in the spirit of holiday
good cheer, I've agreed to the staff's request to say something
nice to the readers here. I'm not exactly sure what to say and five
hundred words is a lot, but I will do my best...
READ
MORE »
 Hollywood,
CA—
The head honcho himself threatened severe consequences and possible
legal action against the editorial staff of BFA if they did not
immediately cease and desist with "continued harassment including
and not limited to: a heretofore scheduled Win a Date with Bob
contest, which was not approved or agreed upon beforehand...as well
as numerous
offensive pranks, such as placing a disgusting piece of fecal matter
in [Bob's] bathtub in a pathetic attempt at comedy."
DEVELOPING...
DON'T SPEND THE HOLIDAYS ALONE...AGAIN!
 Are
you lonely, single, tired of the dating scene? Do you want someone
to help pay your children's medical bills because your ex husband
is a lazy out-of-work deadbeat? If you're ready to be razzle-dazzled
by the most eligible bachelor on the internet, follow the link to
Bob's unofficial fan
page and find out how you can make your dreams (and his) come
true. Or just email
Bob with a photo. Sorry ladies, only one entry per family.
* Bob IS going on this fucking date.
|
 11.27.02—
Okay, we're
going on vacation next week so Shizzy
got his tail in gear and delivered a hilarious new column.
Even more important, DEBBY IS FINALLY
BACK! After a month or so of general laziness and poor excuses,
Debby was finally whipped into shape by yours truly. She promises
a new column every single Thursday which she will write between
rug-hooking classes and Dawson's Creek.
Two more announcements: We
have several new t-shirt designs made by our shirt guru/court
reporter T-Bone and
this is only the beginning. Keep in mind, we're not using
that cheap Cafepress garbage. These are SCREENPRINTED and
not that laser decal shit. If you don't know the difference
between what we sell and what you find on sites using Cafepress,
well, I don't have time to explain it.
Here's the even more exciting
pre-announcement: BFA is about to celebrate its anniversary
very very soon. We're planning a party in Mid-December. When
I say a party, I mean a big rock out Shizzy-style at a local
Hollywood club. I will get into the details in the next issue
but if you are living in the drivable-to-L.A. area and you'd
be interested in attending and you're over 21, let
me know. This will be invite/guest list only. Bob and
Debby and I and the rest of the gang will be there. Who knows,
you might even run into our good friend Corey
Feldman.
Have a great Thanksgiving
and we'll see ya in a few!
Scooter
11.20.02— For
those of you that think the Bob thing is a joke, you obviously
don't know Bob.
I'm going to discuss some of our continuing problems with
Bob in upcoming issues but let's just say he's not always
a willing participant in all of our little stunts. Luckily,
we have an agreement and he's a whore for attention, so we
kind of need each other at this point. Plus, I don't really
care how he feels.
As
for our somewhat intermittent and shorter updates lately,
never fear. We have an incredible amount of new stuff coming
our way very soon, including our new columnist /correspondent
The Hog Farmer, a ton of new writers, original flash animation
and even a weekly Ask Yu cartoon. We've also designed about
a dozen new t-shirts, stickers, and loads of other crap to
unleash on our minions once T-Bone,
our T-shirt guru and court reporter gets
back to work. But best of all, we are putting the details
together on the Bob From Accounting World Tour 2003, which,
depending on Bob's attitude, will take place next August and
will culminate with the "MILLION BOB MARCH"
in Washington D.C. You think I'm kidding? Every disenfranchised
cubicle inhabitant in this country will finally be heard by
those bureaucrats on Capital Hill. Too much other stuff to
even name so keep coming back and I promise you won't regret
it. Ideas? Comments? Sexual innuendo? Send
it to me
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 Cruel,
Cruel Email From Deep Within the Bowels of Slacker Hell
SHIZZY'S
MAILBAG NEW
12.9.02
(Shizzy will now be updated every other Friday)
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 1970's
Chinese action star, Yu Weng Po offers advice for losers,
substance abusers and flabby, out-of-shape Americans. Weekly.
ASK
YU
NEW
12.16.02
(Yu will now be updated every Monday)
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 Get
dating and relationship advice from Debby, the somewhat
bitter, mediocre-looking friend of several really hot chicks.
Weekly.
Read
Debby's Column NEW
11.27.02
(Debby
will now be updated on Thursdays)
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"Doggie Doggie Diamond"
Doggie Doggie Diamond
Step right out
When your turds graze my sofa
It makes me scream and shout
Angst assaults my heart
To know you'll be cut loose
But I shant ditch, abandon, or crush you
Beneath a speeding caboose
And my load is lightened rightly
Knowing that you'll feed
A mob of hobos nightly
Cause your carcass fills their need
Poetry Submitted by John Corsello Pennsylvania
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Nation's Anorexics, Bulimics Nervously Await Healthy
Holiday Crap
Read Article»
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Area 'Fagtard' Neither Homosexual Nor Retarded
Read Article»
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An Open Letter to Satan From Ben Affleck
Read Article»
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Israel Becomes Pregnant After Awkward 'Early Withdrawal'
From West Bank
Read Article»
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Exchange Student Still Pretending to Understand Everything
Read Article»
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Las
Spice Girls: Mi Muchacha Favorito!
by Jose Carlos Rodriquez de Jesus Read»
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From the Archives:
Halle
Berry Unifies Blacks, Whites, Says Professor
Read
Article»
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THE
BFA STORE! NEW SHIRTS! MORE COMING!
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"Smitty"
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Vital
Stats
Name:
Randall "Smitty" Cole
Nickname(s):
Smitty; Undercover Jesus; Prisoner #12254C-12
Age:
Beauty has no age
Occupation:
Former 7th District Court of Appeals Judge, currently
collects cans and dabbles in real estate.
Pros:
Politically active, good sense of humor, cardboard box
sleeps himself and three gimps comfortably
Cons:
Low income; makes poor first impressions, second impressions;
bum murder rap; Hasn't changed underwear since Ford administration
Claim
to Fame:
Used to date Princess Margaret
I
wish: "People would judge me for my brains and not
just the size of my shlong. Which, by the way, is gigantic.
Wanna see?"
Recent
Quote: "Free Smitty!"
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 2002
ETHNIC CLEANSING AWARDS
READ RESULTS»
See
the Corey Feldman Photos
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