BOB VOWS TO BE HUGE IN
2004! Los
Angeles, CA
- Bob From Accounting looked straight in the mirror Tuesday
and made the vow to be "huge" in 2004, despite previous
assurances he would be huge in 2002 and again in 2003. "That's
right, I'm not messing around this time. I've made the resolution
to lift [weights] at least 5 days a week. I'm gonna be huge.
And I already gave up drinking. It's day five - if you don't
count New Year's Day when I had some bourbon in celebration
of everything I will definitely accomplish this year,"
Bob said. "And I'm not just talking about the size of
my muscles - which will definitely be huge - this is going
to be my year. No more funny business. It's all serious from
now on. When I walk down the street, people will look at me
and say, 'that's Bob, look how huge he is. He's just...huge.'"
2003 ETHNIC CLEANSING
AWARDS!
BFA's 2nd Annual Ethnic Cleansing Awards
ranks the top 25 people most in need of ethnic cleansing.
Bob
from Accounting is proud to present our list of the worst
and most annoying of 2003. If we left people out, we apologize.
The rankings were compiled from a strict scientific sample
based the opinions of our embittered and underpaid staffers.
While we, at BFA, feel ethnic cleansing is generally a bad
thing, there are obvious (and less obvious) exceptions.
READ
THE RESULTS»
NEW IN 2004: WIN A DATE
WITH BOB!
Are
you lonely, single, tired of the dating scene? Did you like
all those "funny guys" from TV's Average Joe?
That's right, once again it's time to bid on a date with Bob
from Accounting. He's no Ryan Sutter, but then
again, you're no Trista Rehn, are you? Bob enjoys Kareoke,
hot tub parties and prime numbers. He has a solid health insurance
plan and won't hesitate to add you to his $15 PPO if you agree
to marry him. So if you're over 18 and ready to be razzle-dazzled
by the most eligible bachelor on the internet, then email
Bob with a photo. Sorry ladies, only one entry
per family. Green card seekers welcome.
We are psyched
for the new year and lots of new stuff coming your way. We
are currently seeking new columnists, music reviewers and
more. Check out the bob jobs section. Merry Christmas, Happy
Hanukuh and for all you Muslims out there, Happy whatever-the-hell-you-celebrate
while you plot our destruction.
The
snowy white of Christmas
Basking together in the warmth
Of an electric space heater
Gazing at the twinkling lights
Of a Douglas Fir
Then
begin the lies
Lies, Lies, Lies, Lies
Lies, Lies, Lies, Lies
Come out of your mouth
Thick and heavy like home fries
No
hottub action for you
Big man with wavy hair
I wanted an engagement ring
You gave me a Chia Pet
And a coupon for a Brazilian waxing
The
eggnog flows
Like your Lies
Lies, Lies, Lies, Lies
The electric heater drops into the water
As you bathe alone
Oops
Are you a
crappy poet? Send
it inWinning
poetry entries will be awarded prizes every week!
Loser of the Week
Tie: Trista and Ryan
Vital
Stats
Name:
Trista and Ryan
Occupation:
none; none
Nickname(s):
(Ryan) "Mr. Trista Rehn"; "That good looking
former fireman guy"; "Poet Laureate at Devry School
of Technology"; "Crybaby"; "Retard";
"Sad, emasculated sissy-boy from Colorado"
(Trista): "The Triscuit"; "Slightly
over the hill hot girl"; "Future M.I.L.F";
"Powerhungry bitch"; "The castrator"
Pros:
(Ryan): Handsome, sensitive, can rescue a cat
(Trista):
Attractive, maternal, can rescue a pussy
Cons:
(Ryan): Destroyed white collar fantasy that good looking blue
collar workers can't share feelings, cry on cue; (Trista):
Has approximately five more years before she gets all saggy
and gross.
Recent
Quote(s): "Will you marry me?" "Umm...okay"
Los
Angeles, CA
- Bob From Accounting looked straight in the mirror Tuesday
and made the vow to be "huge" in 2004, despite previous
assurances he would be huge in 2002 and again in 2003. "That's
right, I'm not messing around this time. I've made the resolution
to lift [weights] at least 5 days a week. I'm gonna be huge.
And I already gave up drinking. It's day five - if you don't
count New Year's Day when I had some bourbon in celebration
of everything I will definitely accomplish this year,"
Bob said. "And I'm not just talking about the size of
my muscles - which will definitely be huge - this is going
to be my year. No more funny business. It's all serious from
now on. When I walk down the street, people will look at me
and say, 'that's Bob, look how huge he is. He's just...huge.'"
Bob
from Accounting is proud to present our list of the worst
and most annoying of 2003. If we left people out, we apologize.
The rankings were compiled from a strict scientific sample
based the opinions of our embittered and underpaid staffers.
While we, at BFA, feel ethnic cleansing is generally a bad
thing, there are obvious (and less obvious) exceptions.
Are
you lonely, single, tired of the dating scene? Did you like
all those "funny guys" from TV's Average Joe?
That's right, once again it's time to bid on a date with 
