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BAGHDAD - The Iraqi government responded Wednesday
to strong objections from the United States that it's mammoth
12,000 page declaration of current weapons programmes was
a joke and riddled with holes by declaring that any inaccuracies
were surely the fault of Iraqi Kinko's employees slacking
off on the job.
"Everyone knows that Kinko's employees are lazy and
shiftless no matter what country they are from," declared
Iraqi Deputy Prime Minister Tareq Aziz. "If there are
any mistakes in that document, we know who to blame and they
will be punished accordingly."
Hamat Azahlas, an adviser of President Saddam Hussein, told
a news conference in Baghdad that despite the possible inaccuracies,
the 12,000-page declaration mandated by the U.N. Security
Council, still proved Iraq had no nuclear, chemical, biological
or nuclear weapons.
Iraqi Kinko's assistant manager Brian al-Mohammed says that
his employees did the best job they could under the circumstances,
but they hadn't been allowed to eat or sleep for more than
a week in their effort to turn the document over by the December
9 due date.
"Then the copier jammed after like page six," al-Mohammed
explained. "Some of the pages got all covered with toner
ink and we had to call in a repairman."
According to reports, the printer repairman happened to be
Gen. Amir al-Saadi, the Iraqi National Science Advisor, and
one of the primary authors of the document.
"I guess he saw some typos or something because he kept
throwing out large sections and we had to start all over again,"
part-time Kinko's employee Achmed Faiz said. "Then they
took the longest time choosing what kind of binders to choose.
I recommended a nice oatmeal-colored velo binder but they
finally chose coil binders with cardstock covers in a variety
of practical, yet attractive colors."
Public execution of the 4 full-time and 5 part-time Kinko's
employees is set for January 15th, pending a review of the
Kinko's strict guarantee policy.
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