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BOB
VOWS TO BE 'HUGE' IN 2003
Los Angeles, CA - Bob From Accounting
looked straight in the mirror Tuesday and made the vow to be "huge"
in 2003, despite assurances by friends and family that he's already
huge. "I'm going to be huge. Simply huge," Bob said. "And
I'm not just talking about the size of my muscles - though those will
be huge as well. This is going to be my year. No more funny business.
It's all serious from now on. When I walk down the street, people
will look at me and say, 'that's Bob, he's huge.' And they'll say
that because I actually am huge. Not kind of huge but
really, really huge!"
BOB GIVES THANKS FOR BOURBON,
ASIAN WHORES, COLLECTION OF 'SMALL WONDER' ON VHS
 Dear
Website Readers,
Normally I don't
get involved in the day to day activities of this website because,
in all honesty, I don't find it very funny and it's mostly a source
of continual annoyance for me in many ways which I will not get
into right here. But in the spirit of holiday good cheer,
I've agreed
to the staff's request to say something nice to the readers here.
I'm not exactly sure what to say and five hundred words is a lot,
but I will do my best... Read
More »
WIN A DATE WITH
BOB - LAST CHANCE!
 Are
you lonely, single, tired of the dating scene? Do you want someone
to help pay your children's medical bills because your ex husband
is a lazy out-of-work deadbeat? If you're ready to be razzle-dazzled
by the most eligible bachelor on the internet, follow the link to
Bob's unofficial fan
page and find out how you can make your dreams (and his) come
true. Or just email
Bob with a photo. Sorry ladies, only one entry per family.
|
 EDITOR'S
RANT
12.18.02— Only
one more week until Christmas and the delightful aroma of
pine scented air fresheners temporarily masks the smell of
the urine puddle in the back of the taxicab where I write
this rant. That's right, I'm finally back from my amazing
two week vacation in the U.S. capital of slackdom - Austin,
Texas - where, as to be expected, I was given a hero's welcome.
Though I'm not from Austin, everytime I get tanked off Shiner
Bock on the porch of another unemployed "writer"
I feel like I'm finally coming home. Thanks to all my friends
for their generosity and particularly to the girls of the
Yellow
Rose -- who, aside from $10 lapdances before noon, serve
up the best $7.99 lunch platter in town. Bob is still there.
I am glad, however, to be back
in L.A. as we have so much going on at BFA headquarters. As
you know, plans are underway for the Bob From Accounting World
Tour 2003 this summer and more importantly, we've moved our
BFA anniversary party to the second week in January
to accomodate people who insist on spending time with their
families during the holidays. If you are interested in attending
and live driving distance to Los Angeles, please email
me and I'll give you details.
At this point of the Christmas
issue, I usually like to cast aside the typical cynicism you've
come to love and expect from us and instead pass on a a touching
story about Christmas and the spirit of giving. I was right
about to do just that when I came across this
story. Old habits die hard.
Scooter
|
 Cruel,
Cruel Email From Deep Within the Bowels of Slacker Hell
SHIZZY'S
MAILBAG NEW
12.9.02
(Shizzy will now be updated every other Friday) |
|
 1970's
Chinese action star, Yu Weng Po offers advice for losers,
substance abusers and flabby, out-of-shape Americans. Weekly.
ASK
YU
NEW
12.16.02
(Yu will now be updated every Monday)
|
|
 Get
dating and relationship advice from Debby, the somewhat
bitter, mediocre-looking friend of several really hot chicks.
Weekly.
Read
Debby's Column NEW
11.27.02
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Sean Penn Has Trouble Shaking 'Jeff Spicoli Image' in
Iraq
Read Article»
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Jesus Fears Comeback May Tarnish Legacy
Read Article»
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Iraq Blames Kinko's Employees For Errors in 12,000 Page
Weapons Declaration
Read Article»
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From the Archives:
Santa Also Knows When
You Are Masturbating, Says Church Leader
Read
Article»
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 2002
ETHNIC CLEANSING AWARDS
READ RESULTS»
See
the Corey Feldman Photos
BFA
Reporter Hugs Winona Ryder
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