|
REPRINTED FROM THE SEPTICORP ENTERPRISES NEWSLETTER
After being entombed in an underground Y2K shelter since
New Year’s Eve 1999, Bob from Accounting was discovered
alive Saturday by a janitorial crew just yards away from the
Septicorps Enterprises office complex where the man worked.
With his food supply dwindling and severe boredom setting
in, the confused accountant was prepared to face battle with
what he referred to as the "race of ape-like men who
now habitate the Earth" as a result of the purported
doomsday comet and computer meltdown.
The underground bunker, actually a basement supply closet,
was stumbled upon accidentally by third shift janitor, Rolanda
Figueroa, while she was dumping garbage in a nearby drainage
ditch. Thinking it was odd when she heard singing coming through
some nearby sewage pipes, she climbed through the opening
and tapped on the thick concrete with her steel coffee thermos.
“When I tapped, I heard tapping back. At first I thought
I was imagining it or it was just another mentally ill Viet
Nam vet taking shelter in the drain pipe," Figueroa said.
"But when I heard the unmistakable clicks of a Telex
3000 calculator, I knew this person was in some kind of trouble.”
When Figueroa followed the pipes, she realized the sounds
were actually coming from the basement. After a struggle she
managed to finally free the disheveled man.
“We just stared at each other for what seemed like minutes,”
Figueroa said. "He said something about breeding with
other humans and asked me if I would like to share a can of
tuna fish. He was really friendly, actually.”
Corporate spokeswoman, Rebecca McGill was thrilled of the
news that Bob, a 15-year veteran of Septicorps, was alive.
“Thank God he’s been found after all this time.
We’re just so relieved as you can imagine. It must be
one of those Christmas miracles.” When asked why they
had never issued a missing persons report when he didn’t
show up to work for nearly two years, McGill suddenly screamed,
“No comment! Get out of my way, you’re blocking
my car!”
Bob was taken to a nearby facility to be debriefed and studied.
|
