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Pasadena,
CA - Despite setbacks to the Mars Spirit rover resulting
in a sudden loss of communication, scientists and astronomers
are still excited about the possibility of discovering water,
signs of life and hot Martian chicks on the other side of the
planet.
"We are not worried," said deputy
project manager Richard Cook speaking from the Jet Propulsion
Laboratory Thursday. "Spirit's twin, Opportunity, is
set to arrive on Mars this weekend and we are confident we
will have pictures of aliens working and playing in their
[mostly female] Garden of Eden within weeks if not days."
After 18 days on Mar's surface, Spirit has
snapped the highest resolution photos ever taken of the red
planet, including never before seen color images of rocks
and craters.
"Rocks and craters are great. Really
exciting stuff," said UCLA-based astrophysicist Donald
Mayer. "It was certainly worth 14 years of post graduate
study and $100,000 in student loans. Gotta love those rocks."
Doctoral student Brent Solomon agreed that
the excitement of finding all those interesting rocks is much
more important then finding attractive Martian women.
"Despite what my colleagues in the Internet
Extra Terrestrial Consortium say, we were never looking for
that 'lost ark' of beautiful, voluptuous, uncorrupted space
women who have never seen a man or could identify who might
be nerdy and unattractive by Earth standards. Now, if we just
happened to stumble across them by chance, and they would
teach us how to use a wormhole to take three or four of my
buddies there, then fine. But it's not really a big deal."
Mayer stressed that despite the major anomalies
involved with the current mission, he still plans on holding
off on any marriage plans until the Mars Odyssey checks out
what's past a large mound of dirt a few meters away from the
rover.
"I'm sure they're there. I mean it doesn't
really matter. But if that damn camera would just turn about
45 degrees I'm sure it would find some primitive tools or
perhaps a discarded loincloth. It's there, I just know it."
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Above:
Rover Project Manager Pete Theisinger pleads calm as they
search for "alien tang" on Mars. Below: A drawing
Theisinger made of one of the Mars girls he hopes to encounter
this weekend.
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