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NEW YORK — Robert C. Atkins, M.D., author of
the immensely popular "Atkins' Diet," admitted at
a press conference Thursday the famous diet really started
out as a joke.
"Let's face it, eating huge amounts of meats and cheeses
to lose weight doesn't make a lot of sense in light of all
the current medical evidence," Atkins said. "No,
I have to admit, I first thought of it as a sort of prank
against a tubby patient who wouldn't pay his bill."
The diet, which espouses high meat and protein intake accompanied
by a severe reduction in carbohydrates, has helped millions
obtain substantial weight loss. Critics argue the diet puts
people at risk.
Atkins used to feel the same way. "I honestly thought
it would put people at risk too. In fact, I thought that first
patient would easily gain another 100 pounds."
Instead, and much to his surprise, the obese patient had
lost almost 75 pounds. Atkins realized he was onto something
and immediately bought a houseboat with the expectation of
riches beyond his wildest dreams.
"I couldn't believe it when he first prescribed the
diet," former patient Peter Flint said. "I thought
any diet that included all the sausage I wanted was a true
miracle."
Flint also thought it was a miracle when he could look down
and easily see both his feet and his penis -- both of which
were thought to be lost forever.
"I don't care if the doctor really is an evil bastard,"
Flint said. "I can see my penis, for God's sake. I can't
thank the man enough."
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Above:
"Dr. Atkins might be an evil bastard, but thanks to his
diet, I can now see my penis."
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