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Fall River, MA - Local drywaller Jerry Sullivan sabotaged
his own chances of a perfectly good one night stand, said
friends and witnesses at The Golden Shamrock, a popular neighborhood
bar.
Friends noted that the 28-year-old Sullivan has never rarely
been successful with the opposite sex due to excessive social
awkwardness and a complete lack of understanding of the subtle
body language of a drunk girl.
However, when Sullivan engaged in a 45 minute conversation
with Kate Shorter, a an attractive co-ed from the University
of Massachusetts, signs pointed to a strong possibility that
the two would end up in bed later that night.
“It looked good,” commented longtime friend, Michael
Walsh, “Sully was telling her how he wasn't really looking
for anything serious, and she was all like 'so how big is
your penis?' We all thought it was a done deal."
Witnesses said the possibility of a successful one-night stand
quickly disappeared when Sullivan made the mistake of asking
about Shorter's family and relationship with her parents,
admitting he was trying extra hard to demonstrate he didn't
just want to take her home for cheap, meaningless sex. Even
though he did.
"Does this guy need to be hit over the head or what--
no pun intended," said Golden Shamrock bartender, Pete
Cooper.“When I overhead Sully talking about how well
they were getting along and how he could see himself dating
her-- that’s just an amateur move right there. Especially
considering how hammered that girl was.”
Sullivan himself understands his critics’ points, but
is still on the fence as to whether or not he made the right
choice.
“I know some guys are into the whole empty sex thing,”
Sullivan said, “But I really did think that Kate and
I might have had something more going on than just a cheap
one-night-stand, even though that's obviously what we both
wanted."
" And she was really hammered. What have I done?"
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Above:
Sullivan blows it bigtime.
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