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WASHINGTON (AP) – George W. Bush admitted Thursday
he had created a secret shadow government shortly after the
Sept. 11 terrorist attacks. He then disclosed many of the
mistakes thought to be made by the current administration
since Sept. 11, were actually made by the shadow government.
According to Bush, the newly-enacted shadow government has
been the driving force behind the national recession, the
rise in unemployment, the fall of Enron and the failed diplomacy
between Israel and the Palestinians.
“I realize many people blame my administration for a
lot of recent problems,” Bush said. "But I just
want to assure the American people that we've discovered the
real source of the incompetence and we promise to punish those
responsible."
The new shadow government, consisting of 75 or more senior
officials secretly living and working outside Washington,
was created in the case the nation’s capital becomes
crippled by terrorist attack.
According to Bush, the shadow government began first interfering
with his peace initiatives in the Middle East, undermining
what Bush referred to as "a done deal where both sides
promised to totally stop shooting at each other."
Bush went on to say that he suspected the animosity at US
foreign policy by many Arab countries was a direct result
of calls made from high ranking shadow government officials.
"Apparently they acted like bullies on the phone,"
said White House spokesman, Ari Fleisher. "They made
all kinds of nasty statements and accused our Iranian, Pakistani
and Egyptian friends of harboring terrorists and helping them
smuggle weapons of mass destruction.
According to Fleisher, the infamous "axis of evil"
speech was actually written by a shadow government official
and not George W. Bush as was first reported by the media.
"Of course we were surprised to hear the President say
such things," Fleisher said. "We had no intention
of angering any of our friends, especially in Iran or North
Korea. The speech was obviously written by a power-hungry,
shadow government worker.
According to Bush, many members of the shadow government
also interfered in the Enron scandal several months before
its collapse. By the time Bush was briefed on the matter,
the company had filed for bankruptcy and it was too late.
"I do take full responsibility for assigning powerful
roles to these people," Bush said. "But surely you
can't blame my administration for irresponsible acts they
did without our permission or knowledge. This clearly is isn't
my fault."
Bush quickly addressed the future, urging the American people
to continue to rally behind him. "I know you're upset.
So am I. But America will prevail. I am still the leader of
the greatest country in the land, and make no mistake about
it, this interview is over."
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