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DURHAM, N.C. - Just days after 17 year-old Jessica
Santillan died after a botched transplant operation left her
braindead, the Duke Blue Devils my have found new front management.
"We are pleased to announce that the Board of Trustees
have agreed to bestow our beloved men's basketball team to
the family of Jessica Scantillan," Duke University President
N. Keohane said Monday. "This is in no way an admission
of guilt over events in our hospital last week, but mostly
a way of saying how deeply sorry we truly are."
After waiting nearly three years for a heart-lung transplant,
the Mexican teenager was smuggled into the country and mistakenly
given a set of incompatible organs with mismatched bloodtypes.
A second operation 10 days later was futile as her other organs
began to fail on life support.
According to family lawyer Kurt Dixon, Mr. and Mrs. Scantillan
have not yet decided whether or not they will accept the offer
to take over the Blue Devils organization --as well as if
they will pursue a multi-million dollar malpractice lawsuit
against the hospital.
"As the family's lawyer, I can only advise them and
act according to their wishes. If they don't want to sue the
University, that's their choice, but I can be objective in
saying that we really, really should sue them. Seriously.
For maybe a billion dollars."
Self-appointed Godfather and family spokesman Mack Mahoney
said the Scantillan family, who live a very modest life in
their native Mexico, admitted they were concerned about their
relative inexperience running a NCAA basketball team and worried
how it might affect [Duke's] current 6th place rankings and
a possible A.C.C. Championship.
"It's a very exciting offer and the Scantillan's and
I have discussed prospects for finishing up the season and
possible future draft picks," Mahoney said. "Mr.
Scantillan even had some helpful suggestions after the Georgia
Tech game -- he felt they could have forced more steals if
they sped up a little bit, got in passing lanes to where they
couldn't make sure passes and try to create better offense.
But all in all, the Scantillan's were very pleased with Duke's
performance."
Coach Mike Krzyzewski listened to the suggestions afterwards,
nodding occassionally and then politely asked for a raise.
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