LoserWire Presents: Bob From Accounting

"Please remit payment immediately or we will turn your account over to collection agents...we're not kidding"

—Columbia Records & Tapes Club to Bob From Accounting

Volume 1 Issue 6

March 18, 2002

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Religious Zealots Welcome!

***NEW***

DATING ADVICE BY DEBBY

ARE YOU A LOSER?

ASK THE CHINAMAN

Humor Links Below

Please don't use them. Please. I'm asking you nicely. Stay here. It's nice and warm here. Fine, pants are optional.

Potpourri of Funny Stuff
BrassKnuckles

Find Love in Prison
Meet an Inmate

Nice cameltoe here
The Camel-Toe Report

Bunch of corporate sellouts
The Onion

Want to hear a joke?
ABC Jokes

Don't go here either
Humor Links

NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC FINDS AFGHAN GIRL FROM FAMOUS PHOTO

Girl in 1984; and today

WASHINGTON (AP) - Seventeen years ago an Afghan girl, orphaned and living in a refugee camp, appeared on the cover of National Geographic. The girl, with her haunting green eyes and a red scarf draped loosely over her hair, became one of the most recognized faces in the world. Now, the magazine says it has finally tracked down the subject of that famous photo after years of searching.

With the exception of a pair of thick, black-rimmed glasses and tufts of red facial hair, very little has changed in the woman's appearance, despite years of poverty and harsh living conditions. She still has the same look of innocence and determination in her eyes that caught the attention of the photographer all those years ago.

The original photograph was named in the top 100 photos ever published by National Geographic Magazine. The recent photo has yet to win any awards.

HAPPY ST. PATTY'S DAY!!

"Lord of the Bob"

BOB GETS FUNKY AT OFFICE PARTY, CAUSES SALMONELLA OUTBREAK WITH CHICKEN DISH

Reprinted from Bob's private journal

Dear Journal,

Okay I've got good news and bad news. First, the office party was lots of fun. I funked it up bigtime with some of the dance moves I've been practicing. Kim Soo even looked in my direction twice. Though I'm still not sure she was looking at me because of her lazy eye. Now, here's the bad news: I'm home from work because I managed to get everyone sick with my chicken dish which apparently was loaded with some kind of deadly bacteria. Don't worry, I didn't get in trouble. I blamed it on one of the janitors who I happened to notice not washing his hands after he went to the bathroom. READ MORE» Update 3/18/02

The Editor's Rant

I'd like to first say thank you for all your nice letters. I am very pleased with all the proposals of marriage and I will consider them one at a time. I'm going to let you on a little secret, the picture you see on the right is not actually me. I just always imagined myself in a Panama hat and white jacket. I don't have to imagine the drink in my hand, however, as I'm intoxicated right now. Also, I'm not wearing pants. Intrigued?

I have also forwarded the many nice letters on to Bob as well and I think he's finally coming around as far as the lawsuit is concerned. Bob asked me to give a special shout out to his peeps at both Brooksdale Middle School and Joliet Federal Penitentiary, with a specific message to little Susie Barber and Pimpdaddy: "I think you're not bad either."

Ain't love grand?

Please send any comments including fanmail and hatemail to Me. Please include a sexy pic and I'll stare at it for awhile and maybe even post it. Everyone but you, Pimpdaddy.

Scooter

P.S. Stop asking about the T-shirts. They're coming soon. Meanwhile, try and spend your unemployment checks on something useful, like hookers or how 'bout a donation.

Weekly Columnists Below

Updated 3/18/02

Washed-up, Chinese action star, Yu Weng Po offers advice for losers, substance abusers and "flabby, out-of-shape Americans." Updated weekly.

READ YU'S COLUMN

Updated 3/18/02

Get dating and relationship advice from Debby, the somewhat bitter, mediocre-looking friend of several really hot chicks. Updated weekly.

READ DEBBY'S COLUMN

TELL A FRIEND ABOUT BOB & WIN A T-SHIRT!

CRAPPY POETRY CORNER

"My Katie"

Our eyes meet from across the way
Lovely Katie with the long silky hair

My heart yearns for the embrace
of your supple body next to mine

If only I had better binoculars.
And this tree weren't so damn high

Send to us by Anonymous, Location Unknown

Are you a crappy poet? Send it in

From Archives

BOB FROM ACCOUNTING UNEARTHED!!

In what has been described as a true holiday miracle, Bob From Accounting was discovered alive Saturday in an underground Y2K shelter he's been sealed inside since New Year's Eve, 1999. With his food supply dwindling and severe boredom setting in, the confused accountant was prepared to face battle with what he referred to as “the race of ape-like men who now habitate the Earth.” (read article)