'HUMAN
SHIELDS' BLAME U.S. POLICY, HORRIBLE GUIDANCE COUNSELORS
American Rachel Corrie
was run over by an Israeli bulldozer last week. Here the
"martyr" shows how to properly burn a U.S. flag.
BAGHDAD - With
diplomacy over and an all-but-certain war on the horizon,
hundreds of American protesters and peace activists in Iraq
are now acting as "human shields," blaming their
questionable fate on a failed U.S. foreign policy and bad
advice by school guidance counselors. More»
MISSING
UTAH TEEN RETURNS HOME FOR FRESH CHANGE OF CLOTHES
**BFA Newsflash - Elizabeth Smart,
the 15-year-old girl who vanished from her bedroom nine months
ago, wandered back into her house, grabbed some fresh undies
and then disappeared again without a trace. It was a rollercoaster
of emotion for Ed Smart and his wife Lois after the joyous
reunion with Elizabeth and then the subsequent re-disappearance
just hours later. All they could say was "damn it."
"Damn it. Damn it.
Damn it. Did anyone see which way she went?" More»
TOWN HALL MEETING WITH AL-QAEDA DECLARED HUGE DISASTER
Arlington,
VA— A town hall meeting, meant to open the channels
of communication between al-Qaida operatives and local Washington
area leaders, turned into a complete disaster Wednesday after
several of the radical Muslims, who
were flown to the U.S specifically for the dialogue,
began shooting participants and setting off bombs when their
poor English skills prevented them from getting a point across.
More»
3.19.03 — Thanks
to SportsbyBrooks
for a great birthday bash last week at the Bitter Redhead,
where I spent the evening deluding myself into thinking the
bevy of gorgeous SbB
women in cutoff t-shirts actually liked me for me and
not just because I'm a famous movie director and part-time
massage therapist. There was some sports thingy going on there
too but I don't recall too much about it except Bunsen --
one of the BFA writers -- was the big trivia winner. Sadly,
the SbB girls didn't seem impressed by Bunsen's new Kodak
digital camera. Small pixel size, I think. Anyway, if you're
in the SoCal area, check out the Thursday shindig, otherwise
go to his forum and tell the girls you're good-looking and
need a couch to sleep on when you're slumming in Santa Monica.
As for this week's light update,
we were all ready to roll out the special "drifter handyman"
issue of BFA -- our own personal tribute to the much maligned,
spackling-knife wielding hobo, but then George W. had to go
and draw a line in the sand. Looks like we're going to war,
folks -- and I guess that's more important then the recent
miracle reuniting that little blond runaway with her overbearing
Mormon parents. That's right, I'm saying SHE RAN AWAY. Did
you hear me Salt Lake City? Wake the fuck up! Didn't you read
"On the Road?" Well leaving home and not having
to shower for 9 months or being forced to play the friggin'
harp probably seemed like a GREAT idea to a repressed 14 year
old like Elizabeth Smart. Now she's kinda fat and everyone
knows she had sex with the ugly bearded dude. That's not a
miracle, that's just gross.
Scooter Has Spoken.
3.12.03 — Special
Birthday Messageand real life correspondence with
my motherRead
More
Cruel,
Cruel Email From Deep Within the Bowels of Slacker Hell. SHIZZY'S MAILBAG
**New letters 3.19.03
1970's
Chinese action star, Yu Weng Po (aka Jimmy Wang) offers
advice for losers, substance abusers and flabby, out-of-shape
Americans.
**BFA Newsflash - Elizabeth Smart,
the 15-year-old girl who vanished from her bedroom nine months
ago, wandered back into her house, grabbed some fresh undies
and then disappeared again without a trace. It was a rollercoaster
of emotion for Ed Smart and his wife Lois after the joyous
reunion with Elizabeth and then the subsequent re-disappearance
just hours later. All they could say was "damn it."
"Damn it. Damn it.
Damn it. Did anyone see which way she went?" 
Arlington,
VA— A town hall meeting, meant to open the channels
of communication between al-Qaida operatives and local Washington
area leaders, turned into a complete disaster Wednesday after
several of the radical Muslims, who
were flown to the U.S specifically for the dialogue,
began shooting participants and setting off bombs when their
poor English skills prevented them from getting a point across.
