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Boston, MA - Despite accusations of pedophilia and
perversion by family, friends and local prosecutors, 26-year-old
Brian Tuttle insists it is perfectly legal to pleasure himself
to reruns of "Saved by the Bell, because the actresses
in the show are much older now.
"My client has done nothing wrong," attorney Richard
Ambrose said at a press conference Monday in front of the
courthouse. "Those actors are of legal age today and
we will take this case to the Supreme Court if necessary."
Tuttle, a recent graduate of the Devry School of Technology
in nearby Brookline, says that he doesn't limit his masturbation
to cast members of "Saved by the Bell," but has
many other interests.
"I also pleasure myself to 'Saved by the Bell: The New
Class' and 'Saved by the Bell: The College Years,'" Tuttle
explained, noting the latter is perhaps the most desirable
show in which to seek sexual gratification because it was
canceled after fewer than 12 episodes and is considered a
collector's item for fans and perverts alike.
According to Tuttle, he is most enamored by Kelly, played
by a young Tiffani-Amber Thiessen but admits he's gone through
his Jessie and Lisa stages as well.
"I guess you could say that at one point or another
I pleasured myself to all the members of this talented ensemble
cast. Except for Screech, I almost did once, but I knew I
wouldn't be able to look in the mirror the next day."
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Above:
Brian Tuttle; Below: Saved by the Bell cast members
minus Mr. Belding, whom Tuttle loves perhaps the most of all.
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