|
East Lansing, MI — After three years of research,
the National Rape Abuse Network (NRAN) came to the conclusion
they had suspected for years: of the more than 12,000 cases
of date rape identified in 2003, 10,264 were committed by
men named "Chip." The rest were named Brad or Ryan.
"It comes as no surprise to us that the majority of
date rapists are named Chip," said Susan Whistler, National
Director of NRAN at a press conference Thursday. "What
surprised us was that nobody else had ever bothered to attach
a name to the brutal crime."
Whistler was quick to acknowledge that not all men named
Chip, Brad or Ryan were automatically date rapists, but urged
women to use extreme caution if approached by someone with
that name.
"If you are currently in a relationship with a Chip,
Brad or Ryan, or are considering dating one, I just hope that
you'll be on heightened alert," Whistler said. "Don't
be tricked by a name like "Bradley" instead of Brad.
While it sounds harmless enough, beneath the more refined
and sophisticated name lies a sadistic pervert who will not
hesitate to load your drink with roofies when you aren't looking.
Trust me, I've seen it many times."
One local college student who asked to remain anonymous,
agreed with the findings, admitting to having in the past
dated two Brads, one Bradley and a Chip.
"They don't care about anything but sports and sex with
girls they pick up in bars," the 21-year-old said. "Even
if they don't force themselves on you, they'll always pressure
you to go farther than you want and then never call you the
next day. And if you think a Brad or a Chip will ever tell
you he loves you, you can just forget it. It's never gonna
happen."
Sophomore Chip Spradley says he is angered by the recent
findings and is concerned his dating life may suffer once
the results become public.
"First, I'd like to say I don't need to date-rape women,
okay?" Spradley said. "I am an attractive, nice
guy with good morals and belong to the best fraternity on
campus. Usually, that's enough to get laid.
Added Spradley, "Besides, I never tell them my real
name anyway."
|
|
Above:
Potential date rapist, Chip Spradley. Below (left to right):
Brad Edwards, Brad Schwartz, Brad Tomkins, Brad Wolf, &
Brad Hammerstein
SEND THIS ARTICLE TO A FRIEND!
|
|
