Reprinted from Bob's private journal

Dear Journal,

Today is Saturday and I set aside this day to work on my book and/or screenplay and also to pray for world peace as it appears there's some more trouble in those foreign countries I keep hearing about in between reruns of "Who's the Boss." I'm not sure what I, as an accountant, can do about it but I'd sure like to do something. Maybe I could organize some kind of big march like that Million Man thing in Washington a few years ago. I could get everyone involved and really do something productive for society. That would get me laid for sure because you know how much women love activists. I sure wish I knew a million people. READ MORE OF BOB'S JOURNAL»

BOB REPRIMANDED AT WORK FOR RIDICULOUS EASTER COSTUME

MEMO:

To: Septicorps Employees
From: Darren Browne Senior VP
April 2, 2002

I am sorry to announce that Septicorps employees will no longer be permitted to wear holiday costumes during work hours. Due to the actions of certain individuals, costumes with attached religious or cultural significance will not be tolerated as it's both distracting to our professional work environment and sends a poor message to our clients. That does not include Mr. Bigbear, who has special permission to wear his native headdress and carry a tomahawk.

From Archives

BOB NOT INVITED TO HOST/ATTEND OSCARS FOR 43RD STRAIGHT YEAR

NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC FINDS AFGHAN GIRL FROM FAMOUS PHOTO

WASHINGTON (AP) - Seventeen years ago an Afghan girl, orphaned and living in a refugee camp, appeared on the cover of National Geographic. The girl, with her haunting green eyes and a red scarf draped loosely over her hair, became one of the most recognized faces in the world. Now, the magazine says it has finally tracked down the subject of that famous photo after years of searching.

With the exception of a pair of thick, black-rimmed glasses and tufts of red facial hair, very little has changed in the woman's appearance, despite years of poverty and harsh living conditions. She still has the same look of innocence and determination in her eyes that caught the attention of the photographer all those years ago.

The original photograph was named in the top 100 photos ever published by National Geographic Magazine. The recent photo has yet to win any awards.

BOB FROM ACCOUNTING UNEARTHED!!

In what has been described as a true holiday miracle, Bob From Accounting was discovered alive Saturday in an underground Y2K shelter he's been sealed inside since New Year's Eve, 1999. With his food supply dwindling and severe boredom setting in, the confused accountant was prepared to face battle with what he referred to as “the race of ape-like men who now habitate the Earth.” (read article)

.

An Open Letter to Satan From Emeril Lagasse Read» Female Suicide Bombers Await Endless Towel Boys, Lancôme Gift Packs in Paradise Read» Tired of Reading About Bad Mean Stuff? Then Read This» Braille Porn Invented; Being Blind a Tad Less Shitty, Say Blind Read Article» Israel Ignores Demand by 'Model U.N.' to Immediately Withdraw From West Bank Read Article» Christina Aguilera Gets Back to Roots, Eats Taco Read Article» ***NEWSFLASH*** Halle Berry Finally Stops Crying...Oh Wait...Nope... Nevermind

FEATURES

LifeStyles

Real Life Slacker Not Nearly As Adorable As Movie Slacker, Says Longtime Girlfriend

Science & Technology

Fantasy Gaming Institute Invents 24-Sided Die; Social Retards Rejoice

Business

Report: Largescale Nuclear War Might Cause Recession, Death

Showbiz

The Role of Spiderman Stolen From Man, Says Man

 

CRAPPY POETRY CORNER

Wet
Fat
Flappy Fish
Lying on a soppy dish
Cut its head and tail off
And then it's dead
...Or is it?

by Pratt, Somewhere in the U.K.

Are you a crappy poet? Send it in

Join Our Mailing List