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GENEVA— The word spread like wildfire on role-playing
websites Friday following the stunning news the Fantasy Gaming
Institute had at long last engineered the heretofore unattainable
24-sided die.
According to Eric Wallen, a 34-year old Radio Shack employee
who's also an 18th level Mystical Elf known as Bilbo Bezzlebug
with a +100 immunity to magic spells, the new invention is
the greatest contribution to Dungeons and Dragons since the
invention of Fiddle Faddle.
"People used to say I was wasting my life with this
role-playing stuff," Wallen said. "I can't believe
how close I was to giving up my regular, Monday, Thursday,
Friday, Saturday and Sunday D & D game. But now these
new dice have totally changed everything."
Researchers at the Gaming Institute spent several years working
on the groundbreaking dice, while many in scientific community
doubted whether a die consisting of more than 20 sides was
physically possible. Most famous among these doubters was
Stephen Hawking, who once wrote a paper claiming "a polyhedral
die with over 20 sides would supply results so varied and
unpredictable, pursuing this course of action would be reckless.
Perhaps even foolhardy!"
Foolhardiness aside, the researchers bravely pressed on and
within a decade produced the world's first 24-sided die by
smelting plutonium together with a beat-up old golf ball.
The invention couldn’t come at a better time for the
world of fantasy gaming, as many feel the popularity of role
playing games has fallen to a new low due to the free and
easy access to the youth drug Ecstasy, which has provided
teens with a fantasy life that often involves girls and sex.
Jimmy Fryberg, 38, brushed off the criticism and vowed to
keep playing no matter how many times his mother called him
for dinner.
"People said the same thing in back in the late 80's
with the release of Curse of the Azure Bonds and the Secret
of the Silver Blades." Fryberg said. "Then the defeat
of Tyranthraxus the Flamed One when the heroic party was waylaid,
knocked out, and marked with the five mysterious azure bonds,
it changed everything."
Added Fryberg. "Man, those were the best years of my
life."
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