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Julie Brantman was charmed when
Larry Shumann first walked into the Fortune 500 company where
she worked as a human resources executive, wearing a torn
"Ozzfest" t-shirt and declaring he was perfect for
the CEO position.
Shumann was in many ways a guy just like the characters she
loves to watch at the movies. He had no money, he made avoiding
work an artform and he mixes beer with his morning cereal,
because he never seems to have any fresh milk.
"I was tired of dating all those rich, pretentious guys
who just walked around like robots," Brantman says now.
"When I first met Larry and he belched out "God
Bless America" during an anti-terrorism demonstraion,
I thought, now here's a guy just like Adam Sandler or Jack
Black."
After 6 months, however, Brantman's feelings changed. She
no longer finds the fact that her boyfriend lives in a treehouse
and rides around on a BMX bike endearing. Quite the contrary,
she's resigned to the fact that he's just not nearly as luvable
as his movie slacker counterparts.
Shumann's others friends agree. “Put it this way, Stiffler
from "American Pie" may have been an obnoxious moron,”
said longtime pal Steve Darvey, “But at least Stiffler
was funny. Larry just kind of sits around and takes up space.”
"His average day consists of waking up around noon,
hung over from the previous evening, He then watches the Discovery
Channel for hours, laughing everytime the dung beetle is mentioned.
I'd say Larry's just like the characters in 'Dude, Where's
My Car,' except he's not charming or funny in any way."
According to Brantman, Larry will occasionally show up at
the local high school, where he claims he wants to finally
complete his education just like the Adam Sandler character
in "Billy Madison."
"The big difference is that Billy Madison was attractive
and did funny voices and eventually saved his father's business,"
Brantman said. "Larry is just a 28-year old-loser with
no redeeming values."
Added Brantman, "Okay, maybe he's equally as funny
as Tom Green, but that's not saying a whole lot."
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