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Dubuque, Iowa —As a sure sign of America's lost
innocence, there is a growing movement in the country for
a return to more idyllic times, specifically those demonstrated
by the popular television sitcom "Who's the Boss?"
which ran on ABC from 1985 to 1992.
"As an antidote for terrorism and the recent war in
Iraq, I can't think of a more appropriate way to re-instill
good old fashioned family values than a return to the fun-filled
home of Angela Bowers and her housekeeper-turned-husband Tony
Micelli," said Dr. Robert Thompson, head of Syracuse
University's Center for the Study of Popular Television.
The popular sitcom, starring Tony Danza and Judith Light,
told the story of a blue collar New Yorker with a heart of
gold who leaves Brooklyn with his daughter for the comforts
of the high class Connecticut home of advertising mogul Angela
Bowers. There he helps raise Angela's mamby pamby son and
enjoys sexual relations with his boss in exchange for cooking
and light housekeeper duties.
"With all the ugliness going on in the world today,
who in their right mind isn't dreaming about this happy non-nuclear
family and their trials and tribulations?" Thompson said.
"Sponging off a rich family and getting your daughter's
college tuition paid for is the American dream. Tony Danza
is America."
War beleaguered Americans from coast to coast have sent thousands
of letters to the network in hopes they might create new episodes
of the show or even a reunion special.
Network executives, not wanting to jump on the bandstand
of predictable reunion shows, have decided to create a two
hour special in which Tony Micelli would resign his housekeeper
duties and instead run for Governor of Connecticut in an effort
to shut down an illegal brothel now run by daughter Samantha
(Alyssa Milano). Little Jonathan Bowers (Danny Pintauro) will
return from the Navy with his new quadriplegic boyfriend--
a plotline which the network admits they are testing for a
possible fall pilot.
The network is keeping a tight lid on whether or not Tony
wins the election.
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