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| "This website is as funny as an outbreak of genital warts. And not my warts, just some other guy who might have them recently" | |
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—Brian Landry,
Mobile AL
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POPE ADDRESSES U.S. CARDINALS: 'TALK TO THE HAND' SAYS POPE
The Pontiff, angered at the necessity of such a meeting, refused a direct dialogue with the American Cardinals, instead demanding they only speak to his hand. According to sources, the hand nodded and shrugged and even genuflected to the U.S. delegation, while the Pope continued his lunch and then proceeded to take a nap. "The hand was a great listener," said Cardinal Roger Mahoney of Los Angeles. "It was very stern but wise. Very fatherly. Can I please go home now?" BOB DECLARES ETERNAL LOVE FOR JAPANESE CO-WORKER; ANGRILY DENIES ASIAN FETISH Reprinted from Bob's private journal Dear Journal, Okay, I have some big news. I finally talked to
Kim Soo today. After I waited outside the ladies restroom for what
seemed like hours, she finally came out and seemed to be really
surprised I was standing there that whole time. I made a joke that
she must have eaten the sloppy joes in the cafeteria for lunch,
but she said she cooks her own lunch. So then I
From Archives BOB REPRIMANDED AT WORK FOR RELIGIOUS COSTUME MEMO: To:
Septicorps Employees I am sorry to announce that Septicorps employees will no longer be permitted to wear holiday costumes during work hours. Due to the actions of certain individuals, costumes with attached religious or cultural significance will not be tolerated as it's both distracting to our professional work environment and sends a poor message to our clients. That does not include Mr. Bigbear, who has special permission to wear his native headdress and carry a tomahawk. BOB NOT INVITED TO HOST/ATTEND OSCARS FOR 43RD STRAIGHT YEAR
Though not surprised, Bob still checked his mailbox frequently during recent weeks in hopes of either winning a sweepstakes or getting word that Andie MacDowell's date backed out at the last minute. Instead, Whoopi Goldberg was tapped to host the show for the 4th time, leaving many in the entertainment industry angry and confused. "Bob is like the Susan Lucci of the movie world, said one fan who would like to remain anonymous. "Except he's really not in the movie world at all, is he? Nevermind." NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC FINDS AFGHAN GIRL FROM FAMOUS PHOTO
WASHINGTON (AP) - Seventeen years ago an Afghan girl, orphaned and living in a refugee camp, appeared on the cover of National Geographic. The girl, with her haunting green eyes and a red scarf draped loosely over her hair, became one of the most recognized faces in the world. Now, the magazine says it has finally tracked down the subject of that famous photo after years of searching. With the exception of a pair of thick, black-rimmed glasses and tufts of red facial hair, very little has changed in the woman's appearance, despite years of poverty and harsh living conditions. She still has the same look of innocence and determination in her eyes that caught the attention of the photographer all those years ago. The original photograph was named in the top 100 photos ever published by National Geographic Magazine. The recent photo has yet to win any awards. BOB FROM ACCOUNTING UNEARTHED!!
In what has been described as a true
holiday miracle, Bob From Accounting was discovered alive Saturday
in an underground Y2K shelter he's been sealed inside since New
Year's Eve, 1999. With his food supply
dwindling and severe boredom setting in, the confused accountant
was prepared to face battle with what he referred to as “the
race of ape-like men who now habitate the Earth.” (read article)
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VATICAN—
Pope John Paul II, looking frail and sickly and sporting a red
beard, delivered a speech Thursday to visiting U.S. Cardinals
in response to child sexual abuse charges plaguing the Catholic
Church.
SHIZZY'S
MAILBAG
For
the 43rd year in a row, Bob from Accounting was denied an invitation
to either host or attend the Academy Awards Ceremony held Sunday
at the Kodak Theater in Hollywood.
Girl in 1984; and today
| ©2002 Bob From Accounting/Orange Planet Entertainment - All rights reserved. So don't steal -- that means you too, Mr. Steven Spielberg. |