BFA PRESENTS FRENCH HATEMAIL VOL. 1
Date:
Mon, 2 Mar. 2003 10:22:43 (PDT) From: "jean michel bijoun"<jm@xxxxxx.fr>
To: <editor@bobfromaccounting.com>
Dear Bob,
Your website is so stupid. The reason French hate American is because you try to tell everyone what to do and you think your big army can solve all your problems. It's so funny that you change French fries to freedome fries. That is so stupid and we laugh at you. Fuck you.
Jean-Michel Bijoun
Date: Mon, 2 Mar. 2003 12:282:13 (PDT) From: <editor@bobfromaccounting.com> To: "jean michel bijoun"<jm@xxx.xxx>
Dear Jean-Michel,
Thank you for your letter. Sometimes people from different countries disagree. That's normal and just part of the bumps and hurdles that occur in most longterm friendships. I'm also sorry you find our website stupid. In America, we find other things stupid, like naming a man Jean-Michel. If you grew up in America with a name like that, I would have choked you with my jock strap every single day in gym class.
Bob From Accounting
Date: Mon, 2 Apr. 2003 10:22:43 (PDT) From: "Andre Louis"<axx@xxxx.fr> To: <editor@bobfromaccounting.com>
Dear asshole,
You just
go to France and you’ll see how many American people die in World
War II : 300 000 and how many French people did? 600,000 -- that’s
for the "without a gunshot" bullshit. You are insulting the
soldiers who died there.
French generals
just sucked and used tactics dating from world war I - ie: infantry at
front tanks behind and planes to scout and destroy other planes. Germans
sed bombing then tanks and at last infantry . As a result we had our ass
kicked but not “without a gunshot” you mofo.
French and british army were trapped and naturally british favored their
own men taking them into their ships while all the french soldiers were
being captured.
You really should have listened more carefully to your history lesson.
We didn’t hand all our Jews as you are saying . Some escaped and
some were concealed by french population.
Andre Louis
Date: Mon, 2 Mar. 2003 12:282:13 (PDT) From: <editor@bobfromaccounting.com> To: "Andre Louis"<axx@xxxx.fr>>
Dear Andre,
I don't understand what you are saying. Just like I don't understand that song "Frere Jacques".
Frere
Jacques,
Frere Jacques,
Dormez-vous,
dormez vous,
Sonnez les montina,
Sonnez les montina,
Ding, dang, dong.
What the fuck does that mean?
Here's the Bob From Accounting translation:
Brother
Jack,
Brother Jack,
deport the Jews,
deport the Jews,
Hand them to the Germans,
Hand them to the Germans,
Ding dang dong (no translation found)
Bob From Accounting
to<editor@bobfromaccounting.com>;
Wed, 30 Oct 2002 11:39:24 +0100 (CET)
From: jean-philippe.schrub@xxxxx.fr
Dear Bob from Accouting,
I read your article named "Guy who
thought he couldn't hate french people
more", and so on and I have to complain and say The Truth :
Article : "France, in one of the most cowardly acts in history, surrendered
to Adolf Hitler and the German government without even so much as a single
gunshot"
Reality : 100.000 Frenchs and 3 germans(included 1 dog) have died in the
gunshot in 1940. We're not cowards, simply we suck in gunshot.
Article : "the French government rounded up all their Jewish citizens
and
handed them over to Germany in exchange for a case of Heineken"
Reality : TWO cases of heineken, one container of sausage and a bottle
of
schnapps. Then when american GI came in 1945, jewish suvivors go for
settlement in New-York and Israel. We receive one container of strudel
from
Israel but until now nothing from America. You are a rogue country!
Article : "France wouldn't let American pilots fly over its airspace
to
bomb Libya"
Reality : What about the case of Budweiser we ask for letting your fighters
fly over us? Hum? Same for Iraq.
Article : "He learned French men and women only bathe on a weekly
basis,
despite the fact that they have no shortage of water or indoor plumbing"
Reality : Well I smell nothing, non-sense.
Article : " In addition, French men like to seduce American women
--
especially married ones"
Reality : They smell nothing too.
Article :"Futhermore, Howard asserts the entire population smokes
like a
chimney; they are arrogant beyond belief; they will do anything to assert
their authority and regain their lost influence in world politics"
Reality : We ARE influent in world politics! I know that : america are
really piss of about ourself, and that's really a sign!
Article : "they speak a language that requires a rather difficult
and
unwieldy conjugation of verbs"
Reality : heu... well... next question.
Article : "and finally, the entire country smells like rancid goat
cheese"
Reality : You really have a nose's trouble. I smell NOTHING.
I hope that enlight you about us.
--
Jean-Philippe Schrub
Dear Jean-Philippe,
Thanks for your letter. It's nice to see that some French people can laugh at themselves. This is important. The other thing your letter proves is that you should stay away from any career writing jokes. Please do not write to us ever again. I'm dumber for having read your letter.
Bob From Accounting
David Letterman: "France wants more evidence [of Iraqi violations]. The last time France wanted more evidence, it rolled right through France with a German flag."
Dennis Miller: "The only way the French are going in is if we tell them we found truffles in Iraq."
Jay Leno: "I don't know why people are surprised that France won't help us get Saddam out of Iraq. After all, France wouldn't help us get the Germans out of France!"
Rep. Roy Blunt, R-Mo.: "Do you know how many Frenchmen it takes to defend Paris? It's not known, it's never been tried."
Blunt again: "Somebody was telling me about the French Army rifle that was being advertised on eBay the other day -- the description was: 'Never shot. Dropped once.'"
And even an unwitting French President Jacques Chirac: "As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure."
"Do you know it only took Germany three days to conquer France in World War II? And that's because it was raining," said John Xereas, manager of the DC Improv.