BFA Headquarters --The editors
and writers at Bob From Accounting would like to reassert
that we are journalists first and comedy writers second and
we refute all accusations that we have somehow targeted France
or French people in particular for unfair mockery or derision
on our pages. We strive to achieve an open, balanced and fair
coverage of all cultures, no matter how badly they need a
shower. In fairness, we will allow French readers equal time
by airing the email grievances we've received over the past
few months.Read
The French Hatemail
While I've remained silent in the past about this website
and how it continues to be totally unfunny and demeaning to
just about everyone on the planet while exploiting me and
invading my privacy on a daily basis, I think you have gone
overboard in recent weeks. Therefore, unless you want a big
fat lawsuit on your hands, you will cease and desist using
my image, my name or my private journal to promote your offensive,
piece of garbage website. I'm not kidding.
Bob (from accounting)
P.S. I appreciate the gift
certificate to the Men's Warehouse but I cannot be bought.
4.30.03 - Welcome
to our in-between, half update issue of BFA where I once again
remind readers that I am NOT Bob
From Accounting. I am the editor. Get it? So the next
person who emails me with the header "Love your site,
Bob" will be swiftly placed in the "Loser of the
Week" section. The website is named Bob From Accounting
because...well, I don't know. Anyway, there's a new Shizzy
column on the way so check back throughout the week. Don't
forget, we are still looking for a new webmaster.
4.23.03 — Not
that I ever give shameless plugs to our merchandise,
but if this new
shirt doesn't make you laugh, then you're either a dimwit
who thinks standing in front of a moving tank is a good way
to spend your parent's college tuition money or you're French
and you have no sense of humor whatsoever. Regardless, we
will now be featuring new headline-related t-shirts every
week or two, so keep checking back. We're only doing very
small runs of these so when they're gone, they're gone.
While many of you have been
questioning our intermittent updates as of late, I assure
you BFA has not yet "jumped
the shark." Quite the contrary -- we have brought
back our famed "loser of the week"
section as well as the always popular "crappy
poetry corner" -- and beginning this summer, we will
be trying out a new format, complete with a site redesign.
While I've hesitated to do this in the past, a new design
will allow us to update the site almost daily and be much
more dynamic and have room for a bunch of new content...yadda,
yadda yadda. Plus, I've been promising a forum for months.
We're working on it. With that said, if you want the greatest
job in the entire web publishing industry, we are looking
for a new webmaster. So fudge
your resumes accordingly and send
it to us.
I'm going to tease you with
this last bit of news: we hope to be introducing a couple
of new contributors to BFA that promise to turn this website
upside down. I don't want to mention them by name, because
that would be indiscreet and we haven't cemented a deal just
yet, so I'll just say this: one of them fell
down a well. The other one has perfected the art of the
snot
rocket. If you don't think Bob From Accounting rules the
cyberworld now, wait til this summer.
Crummy, crackling grey poo-bucket
Colored with the stark, black smudges of my life
Ripples of yellow discontent
Mocking me below
Oh, the constipated irony!
Poetry Submitted by Robert
Cohn Witchita, KS
- Winters at the Quebecois Cabin -
Frenchman phospherence
Deep sea slime
Predatory jelly
French toast and bacon
Snowmobiling with uncle Luc
Buggery in the barrow
Rubbing dinks behind the birches
Gay frog surprise!
Send
to us by Brendon and Mike, location unknown
- When I'm Down -
When I'm down and out
With no frogs to kill
No solos to play
No drums to fill
When there's no lamb's meat
On my lamb-meat shelf
When I'm outta glue
And just sniffing myself
When I call to Baal,
And he's too busy,
As Overlords tend to be.
Then I remember
People are dying
As far as the eye can see
All
New French hatemail
A
Bob From Accounting Email 
