|
Website editor Scott Howard has always hated French people,
but even he was surprised when he reached deep within himself
Tuesday and unearthed several more reasons to hate the French
beyond his normal list.
"It was some kind of zen moment because I had tabulated
the list years ago," Howard said. "When I came up
with even more excuses to continue or perhaps even increase
my hatred for the French, I was flabbergasted and overjoyed."
Howard began hating the French during his 8th grade social
studies class when he learned that France, in one of the most
cowardly acts in history, surrendered to Adolf Hitler and
the German government without even so much as a single gunshot.
To make matters worse, the French government rounded up all
their Jewish citizens and handed them over to Germany in exchange
for a case of Heineken.
Later, as Howard entered college, he was shocked to discover
that France wouldn't let American pilots fly over its airspace
to bomb Libya. His hatred was finally cemented during the
Gulf War, when France whined and complained that America had
no right to bomb Iraq.
During a semester abroad in Europe, Howard really expanded
his list. He learned French men and women only bathe on a
weekly basis, despite the fact that they have no shortage
of water or indoor plumbing. In addition, French men like
to seduce American women -- especially married ones.
Futhermore, Howard asserts the entire population smokes
like a chimney; they are arrogant beyond belief; they will
do anything to assert their authority and regain their lost
influence in world politics; they speak a language that requires
a rather difficult and unwieldy conjugation of verbs; and
finally, the entire country smells like rancid goat cheese.
According to Howard, the new reasons to hate the French are
just as important.
"First of all, I realized that I hate French Poodles
more than any other dog. Then last night, I was watching one
of favorite movies, "Grease," when I realized that
Frenchy is by far the most annoying of all the cast members.
I'm not even going to mention the corrupt ice skating judges."
Howard feels he has unearthed many of the most important
reasons to hate the French, but he's still pretty confident
he will discover more eventually.
"Wait, I just thought of three more: Pepe LePew, French
toast, and French country decor. Man, those French people
suck!"
|
