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Vol. 4 Issue 15

May 21, 2004

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Bob's Bitches


Tech Humor & More

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Parody Smarody
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Long Live Cameltoe!
The Camel-Toe Report

Canada is funny
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I-Mockery

Specious=False
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Uncle Melon

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Religious Zealots Welcome!
 

BFA PROUDLY ANNOUNCES THE 'DATE MY [SKANKY] SISTER PROJECT'
BFA HQ — The Editors of Bob From Accounting are proud to announce the new "Date My [Skanky] Sister Project." Beginning this week, we will actively be soliciting our fans to nominate their "skankified" or otherwise unloved, unmarried or desperate siblings, which we will happily fix up with other lonely and desperate readers around the country. It's exactly like the TV show "Blind Date" except much, much sadder. Intrigued? More»

**Buy cool stuff in the BFA store!**


EDITORIAL: TORTURING PEOPLE AND THEN TAKING EMBARRASSING PHOTOS OF THEM IS WRONG!

by Jen Gillis, Age 15

Hi. As a member of the young generation that will one day lead this country, I am very concerned about people who are mean to Iraqi prisoners and then take embarrassing photos of them while they're naked. First of all, it is wrong to abuse prisoners —even if they started it first. No matter how much we hate Middle Eastern people and want to beat them up, I feel that this kind of behavior is very, very wrong and must stop immediately. More»

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Weekly Columnists Below


Cruel, Cruel Email From Deep Within the Bowels of Slacker Hell.


SHIZZY'S MAILBAG


1970's Chinese action star, Yu Weng Po (aka Jimmy Wang)
offers advice for losers, substance abusers and flabby, out-of-shape Americans


ASK YU


Slightly Promiscuous Television Analysis by Media Whore

What Happens in Vegas, Stays in Vega
s


What I Learned at the Movies
Film Reviews by Niederman & Barrett

Troy 5.21.04 New!
13 Going on 30
Kill Bill Vol. 2

 
CRAPPY POETRY CORNER

"Ode to a Rectal Exam"

by Scott Bradley

Soon you'll be 40, here's my gift to you.
A prostate inspection, one finger or two?

"What do you mean?" I ask the doctor
"Why are you looking at me that way?"

"A prostate? What is it? Where is it located?"
"Why do you ask if my bowel is evacuated?"

"Is it in my nostril, my armpit, do I take off my shoe?"
"Why did you cover your finger with goo?"

"Just relax", he said, "This won't hurt a bit."
"But to give you this gift, you won't be able to sit."

"Stand up, drop your pants, and stare at the wall."
"Pretend for a minute your a bowling ball."

"MY GOD" you gasp, as you wipe off a tear.
"Don't worry, you are fine, but I'll see you next year."

"Here's a bill for the service,
Thanks for the chat."
But there's no way in hell I'm paying him for that!!!


Are you a crappy poet?
Send it in
Winning poetry entries will be awarded a free T-shirt from the BFA store!

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Guide: Sodomy for Beginners

Guide: How to Talk to Your Kids About
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Guide: Explaining War to Your [Retarded] Children

Gallery of Children's Literature Vol.2

Worst Case Scenario Handbook

"American Idol" Hatemail

Bob and Corey Feldman

Bob and Winona Ryder

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Special Olympics Athlete Tests Positive for Sweettarts

Read Article »

Longtime Bachelor Holds Out for 'More Animé-Looking Chick'

Read Article»

U.S. Military Urges Iraqis to Divide into Shirts and Skins

Read Article»

Alan Greenspan Named Sexiest Man Alive by Wife

Read Article»

archives:

Students Build Female Robot, Emergency Penis Reattachment Machine Read Article»


LAST WEEK'S BEST!

Naive Teen Buys 12 CDs for Just One Penny

North Korea Diagnosed with Short Man's Disease

Report: Majority of Coma Patients 'Big Fakers'

Por qué Jennifer Garner No Mi Teléphono?

Glee Club Hazing Incidents Ignored by Everyone

Editorial: Killing Your Wife and Then Lying About it is Wrong!

READ PAST ISSUES


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Loser of the Week


Olsen Twins

Vital Stats

Name: Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen

Nickname(s): "The Olsen Twins," Michelle Tanner, "Jailbait-But-Like-TOTALLY-Worth It"

Claim to Fame: "Full House," successful home video series, [relatively] intact hymen

Hobbies: Solving crimes, swapping dates, threatening to cut off parents

Turnons: sportsbras, guys who look at them as individuals, Uncle Jesse's lap

Turnoffs: Poor opening weekends, off the rack clothes, Uncle Joey's boner

Recently: Starred in first wide-release movie; hosted marathon screening for Iraqi prisoners in Abu Gharaib; got rest of pubes

Quote: "We want people to think of us as two unique individuals...who can't act"

 

 

 

 

 





 

©2001-2004 Bob From Accounting/Orange Planet Entertainment, Inc- All rights reserved. So don't steal -- that means you too, Mr. Steven Spielberg.