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BEGINNER'S GUIDE TO BOOTY CALL ETIQUETTE (via our friends at National Lampoon) BFA explores the wonderful, mysterious and slightly-creepy world of the booty call for our partners at National Lampoon. Believe it or not, there are right ways and there are wrong ways. But don't kid yourself — either way you're going to hell. Read the guide » FREAKY PHOTO OF THE WEEK Ever have one of those days when you just can't take a good photo? Where every expression seems forced? Take a lesson from this young teenager from Brazil who is showing off her new brow lift and/or hypnotism session. Photo of the week »   OPINION: AFTER 5 YEARS TOGETHER, I'M READY TO START SHOPPING FOR A [COCK] RING, HONEY Read more » BFA ANNOUNCES THE 2ND ANNUAL DATE MY [SKANKY] SISTER PROJECT BFA HQ — We are proud to announce the 2nd Annual "Date My [Skanky] Sister Project." Beginning this week, we will actively be soliciting our fans to nominate their "skankified" or otherwise unloved, unmarried or desperate siblings, which we will happily fix up with other lonely and desperate readers around the country. It's exactly like the show "Blind Date" except much, much sadder. Intrigued? More»   Tons of t-shirts in the BFA store Tell a friend about Bob!

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Perfectly Good Lapdance Ruined by Virgin Mary Sighting Read Article» Bush Hopeful New Darth Vader Comparisons Overtake Hitler Comparisons Read Article» Terri Schiavo Zombie Still Not Speaking to Husband Read Article» Hezbollahpalooza to Kick Off Summer Tour Read Article» archives: Missing Weed Destroys Lifelong Friendship Read Article»

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CRAPPY POETRY CORNER Haiku Poetry by Paul Staller Mother The perfect woman Don't spend all of dad's money He wants you to die Grandmother Overcooked carrots Periwinkle suit and hat Smells like death is near Sister Sent from deepest hell I cannot look at your tits When will you move out? Mother-In-Law Ignorant baboon Overdressed ball of make-up How I want you dead Girlfriend Sensitive and sweet I paid for dinner again Lay still til I'm done Roadside Motel Manager Curry smell prevails Continental breakfast sucks I watch you shower Peep Show Booth Too drunk to go home Standing in a stranger's load I need more tokens

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