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Washington, D.C. — According to reports from
Asia, The Middle East, Europe, Mexico and elsewhere around
the globe, Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith
not only marks the end of the 28-year-old Star Wars franchise,
but it marks the last cent foreigners will ever spend on the
evil American culture.
"Enjoy it while it lasts America, because from this
moment forth, the European Union will spit on anything else
coming from your insipid, war-mongering country," said
Luxembourg Prime Minister and current EU president Jean-Claude
Juncker. "Of course, we will wait until after the director's
cut DVD is released, but after that, your ugly American influence
will be gone forever."
Officials in other countries, many of whom regularly view
films as well as broadcasts of American television shows dubbed
in their native languages, say now that Everyone Loves
Raymond, Friends and Frasier are off the
airwaves, they have no need or desire for any more American-produced
entertainment.
"Our citizens shall never again be influenced by the
whorish behavior of the girls of Baywatch or the overt
sexuality of Princess Padme Amidala," said German Chancellor
Gerhard Schroeder. "I imagine that in five or ten years
our citizens will completely forget the influence of American
filmmakers, and maybe someday David Hasselhoff as well."
The final Star Wars film, which premiered in such faraway
places as China and Egypt, was met with unusually long lines,
as millions of foreigners celebrated their final taste of
American culture.
"The Great Satan will never again infest
our country with their hidden Hollywood propaganda,"
said North Korean leader Kim Jong-il "Our citizens are
fully satisfied that once we figure out how Anakin Skywalker
became Darth Vader we will be completely satisfied and can
once again enjoy the wonderful entertainers of our own country."
Added Jong-il, "Okay, we might wait until
after that Spielberg/Tom Cruise movie comes out in July, but
that's it. It's over. I'm not kidding."
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Above:
North Korean leader Kim Jong-il will see Star Wars but that's
it.
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