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This
country is going down the shithole— fast. Democrats hate
Republicans. Republicans hate Democrats and everyone hates
that vagina-clenching Hillary Clinton. Whether it's the Michael
Jackson trial, Terri Schiavo's feeding tube or the dipshittery
of the runaway bride, people in this country are starting
to act like those crazy ass A-rabs.
Those crazy, dumb-as-dirt, camel fuckers. We're Americans.
We need to stop fighting amongst ourselves. We need to focus
our energy on love and acceptance and killing people overseas
(when appropriate). Anyway, we don't need to listen to those
crazy Europeans or anyone else for that matter. Fucking French.
Especially actors like that dirtbag Sean Penn telling us how
much we suck. YOU suck!
We
need to get back together as a country. Stop fighting with
each other over stem cells or guns or dead fetuses or homos
marrying each other. Homos and fetuses are Americans too.
And except for all the Mexicans, we are all part of this beautiful
country. But we need to come together and find some common
ground. To quote Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young, we need to
"get back to garden," whatever that means. And despite
their bedwetting liberal politics, those dudes know how to
rock! Same with Pink Floyd, who are reuniting for some free
concert in Europe. Screw Europe. If Pink Floyd can get back
together than so can Van Halen and other American groups who
rock a lot harder than those mamby pamby limeys.
Hey,
remember the days when we could unify behind some tragedy-turned-tale
of [mostly fake] heroism? Like that time ordinary Americans
came together to save that stupid
toddler who fell down a well because her parents were
too retarded to realize there was an open well in their backyard?
And remember how everyone in the country sent money to that
girl, for no reason except that it made us feel good? Okay,
granted I didn't send that girl jack shit, but that's because
I was just a kid and I didn't care that much. Well, we need
to get back to that kind of caring about each other.
A
few months ago I saw a report on TV about a girl with two
heads. Then, just last week I saw a report about a hugely
ginormous fat kid who was being bullied at school because
he is so fat and ugly. I'm thinking about sending him a g**damn
check. You should too. We need to do these things together
as Americans and focus all our hatred on other, more sucky
people. So if anyone wants to shove a kid down a well (or
a ditch or a mineshaft) to get the ball rolling, then you
have my blessing. I won't say a word.
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"America desperately needs a baby to fall down a well,
or a ditch, or a mineshaft"
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