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JERUSALEM — Israel has begun construction on
a 250-mile security fence in a last-ditch attempt to block
out their noisy and offensive neighbor. In response, the Palestinian
neighbor has ordered an immediate return of all lawn and gardening
equipment borrowed by Israel since 1967.
According to Israeli sources, the trouble started decades
ago when several Palestinian families living nearby began
throwing noisy parties at late hours of the night. The Israelis
maintain that they were subjected to very loud Arab music
and teenagers speaking in some funny language they couldn't
understand.
"It start innocently enough as I recall," said
Defense Minister Binyamin Ben Eliezer. "We politely asked
them to turn down the music or even just play something else.
I mean that music is just awful. Like fingernails on a chalkboard."
Ben Eliezer says that after months of complaining, the music
just got louder and louder and then soon after, Palestinian
dogs began defecating on their nicely manicured lawns.
The Palestinians see it another way, saying that they often
invited the Israelis to join them in the parties even though
they themselves were never invited to dance the Hora or attend
one of the normally raucous Friday night Sabbath parties.
"If they want to build a fence then so be it,"
said Palestinian Authority Spokesman Mahmoud al-Assahn. "But
if they're going to be such babies about some noise and a
little doggie poo, then I want my Toro rear bagger and my
gardening shears back. They've had them for years."
According to Israel, the gardening shears and the Toro lawn
mower were given to them years ago and unless they sign a
new peace accord, they will remain Israeli property.
Added al Assahn, "I don't care what those occupiers
say, until we get our tools back, we will not stop dog incursions
on Israeli yards. And I, personally, will make sure those
dogs are loaded up with Chinese takeout and laxatives."
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