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Volume 1  Issue 17/18

July 31, 2002

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Potpourri of Funny Stuff
BrassKnuckles

Find Love in Prison
Meet an Inmate

Nice cameltoe here
The Camel-Toe Report

Bunch of corporate sellouts
The Onion

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BABY JESSICA "TOTALLY UNIMPRESSED" BY RECENT MINER MIRACLE Midland, Tx - It was October 15th, 1987 when 18-month old Jessica McClure fell down an abandoned well, creating headlines across the globe. The world watched as rescue crews worked feverishly for more than 2 days to save her life. Fifteen years later, the world again held its collective breath, as rescue workers attempted to save nine coal miners trapped in collapsed mine shaft. Jessica, now a freshman at Midland Senior High, granted Bobfromaccounting.com a rare interview request, provided we promise not to publish a current picture unless it turned out "really cute." It didn't. Read More»


BOB IN HOLLYWOOD, PART III

Reprinted from Bob's Journal

Dear Journal,

This morning I went to see the famous Mann's Chinese Theater where all the celebrities have their footprints. I don't want to brag or anything but my feet are significantly bigger than Natalie Wood's. While I was there I met a guy who said he was Superman which was really cool even though it was obvious that it was just an imposter wearing a cape and a large rolled-up sock in his shorts. I had my friend Ziggy take a picture of us together to show everyone back home. I wonder who would win in a fight between Superman and Tony Danza. I say probably Tony since he has boxing AND dancing skills but we'll probably never know. More later!

READ MORE OF BOB'S JOURNAL»
    **New entries 7.24.02**
Weekly Columnists Below

EDITOR'S RANT

Dear Minions,

It's been a really bad week for Americans. Sure, there's the usual Mideast violence (yawn) and all that stock market stuff (huh?) But nothing hit home harder then when I heard Angelina Jolie and Billy Bob Thornton were headed for divorce court. I cried like a baby for a week because I realized that if drinking your spouse's blood and declaring your eternal love on Entertainment Tonight wasn't enough to cement a relationship, then what hope do the rest of us have? In the inspiring words of a once-great philosopher, "love is a battlefield."

Being the trouper that I am, and knowing full well the Hollywood Establishment is never going to give me a legitimate writing job, I managed to pull myself together and put together an issue. Thank God for Pat Benatar.

Scooter


Cruel, Cruel Email From Deep Within the Bowels of Slacker Hell

SHIZZY'S MAILBAG
New
entries 7.24.02

 

1970's Chinese action star, Jimmy "Yu" Weng Po offers advice for losers, substance abusers and flabby, out-of-shape Americans. Weekly.

ASK YU New Entries 7.24.02

Get dating and relationship advice from Debby, the somewhat bitter, mediocre-looking friend of several really hot chicks. Weekly.

Read Debby's Column


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Rand McNally Ranks 10 Best Highways for Oral Sex Read Article»

Angelina Jolie's Adopted Baby Already Creeped Out By Parents
Read Article »

Report: Dramatic Decrease in Sex Among Teens, Except For 16-year-old Suzy Fleming of Akron Ohio Read»

WorldCom Execs Forced to Use 1-800-CALL-ATT to Tell Parents About Bankruptcy Read »

Dress Up Bob — ALL NEW HOLLYWOOD EDITION! Lemme See »

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CRAPPY POETRY CORNER


"Number Two"

Crisp like cabbage,
Or spicy as last night's taco salad,
You reflect everything I am

The cilantro garnish,
Reminds me of that which I don't process,
Or cannot understand,
You are born but twice a day,
(thrice in Mexico)
You are my child

If you didn't smear I'd hold you near,
but you do my friend so I must bid you
adieu....

Send to us by Bryan, location unknown

Are you a crappy poet? Send it in

 

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©2002 Bob From Accounting/Orange Planet Entertainment - All rights reserved. So don't steal -- that means you too, Mr. Steven Spielberg.