|
Miami, FL - As temperatures hit record highs throughout
the country, "it's too hot" has quickly replaced
the once popular "I have Alzheimer's" excuse as
the most popular method to avoid irritating chores and a nagging,
sexually-deprived wife.
According to a Time-Newsweek survey, in years past, one out
of five men thought to be suffering from Alzheimer's Disease
admitted they were faking it to avoid laborious tasks and
unwanted advances from elderly wives. Today, because of scorching
temperatures and faulty air conditioning units, men are able
to rest comfortably inside the house while low paid immigrants
are forced to mow the lawn and trim the weeds.
"I'm not saying Ronald Reagan and Charlton Heston are
faking a horrible, debilitating disease," said Gary Simon
of Tampa, "But c'mon, have you seen their wives? If they
were smart they would just schedule difficult tasks during
August and then act all surprised when it's 100 degrees outside.
Using the Alzheimer's excuse should be a last resort."
As high temperatures combine with humidity and increased
hours of sunlight, weather-related slacking soars to extremely
high levels and men need only prey upon his woman’s natural
tendency towards skittishness.
"It's easy to get out of cleaning the gutters when it's
hot outside," Stuart Edgarton said from the comfort of
his La-Z-Boy. "But if you are forced to do the dishes
-- that's when I 'accidentally' break the air conditioner.
It’s a year-round battle and there are no rules."
John Keith agrees. “One sweat-soaked shirt and a bit
of panting goes a long way to ensuring long afternoons of
iced tea, back rubs, and baseball. If that doesn't work, I
pretend like I fell down the stairs."
In the meantime, Keith urges men to continue to use the "it's
too hot" refrain until wintertime where they can use
the still-experimental "it's too cold" excuse.
"Using worn out excuses like “football’s
on,” or "I'll do it later" only makes it harder
for women to believe the other lies we tell them," Keith
said. "Those excuses no longer work. They just result
in tears, lonely nights, and aching muscles down the road.
"
Added Keith, "Besides, being lazy doesn't mean we have
to be selfish."
|
|
Above:
Gary Simon is too young to fake Alzheimer's Disease.
SEND THIS ARTICLE TO A FRIEND!
|
|
