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WASHINGTON, DC — George W. Bush finally understands
the horror and gravity of war after viewing "We Were
Soldiers" on DVD last Saturday, according to White House
Press Secretary Ari Fleischer.
"It was a very tender and emotional moment," said
Fleischer who made the mistake of interrupting the President
during the closing credits. "He screamed at me and told
me to look away, that his tears 'were no indication of womanly
cowardice."'
A self-proclaimed "war buff," President Bush has
seen every major war movie from the past 25 years and still
gets excited when a new one appears on the shelves of the
Pennsylvania Avenue Blockbuster.
According to Bush, the last four years have been a golden
age for war films “Spielberg brought it all back with
Saving Private Ryan which was awesome and now we’ve got
Blackhawk Down, Hart’s War and Windtalkers, which I'm
told has some kick ass action even though it has a bad ending.
I'm just glad our country is finally honoring our soldiers
like we’re supposed to.”
Despite having seen dozens of war films since childhood and
even hearing first hand accounts from his father's heroic
actions in World War II, Bush feels he never really understood
the true meaning of war until he watched the recent Mel Gibson
vehicle, "We Were Soldiers."
“I’ve seen heads explode, I saw that guy in Blackhawk
Down get that whole rocket stuck in him, but I have never
seen a scene as stirring as that part in 'We Were Soldiers'
when they try to pick up that burnt guy, but his skin tears
off down to the bone. After seeing that skin rip off, I don’t
know if I’ll ever see war the same way.”
Added Bush, “There was one scene where a guy got this
stuff on his cheek which burned through his skin like acid.
Another soldier had to cut his whole cheek out with a big-ass
knife to save him. If I hadn’t seen that scene, I don’t
know that I would have enough respect for what our soldiers
go through.”
Following The President's private screening of the film,
his staff noticed an abrupt change in hiss behavior. “I
was asking him what he wanted to do tonight but he just look
dazed,” said Vice President Dick Cheney. “I asked
him what was wrong and even offered him a cigarette but he
just muttered, ‘I don’t think that’s appropriate
right now.’ Then he locked himself in the bathroom where
I heard him wailing loudly.”
Bush plans to buy the DVD of "Soldiers" so he can
watch those pivotal moments again. He also plans on using
some of Mel Gibson's dialogue from the movie during speeches
at military bases.
"Mel Gibson has changed me and I can never thank him
enough," Bush said. "He's a national treasure."
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