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PARIS — As floods finally subsided throughout
much of Western Europe, thousands of unbathed French citizens
expressed relief they were spared from rainwaters that had
ravished parts of Germany, Russia, Austria and the Czech Repubic
in recent weeks.
"Viva la France," shouted Jean Didier whose mouth
and chest was covered with brie from a party the night before.
"We are dry, ha ha ha. Screw you Europe!"
The celebration was felt from the govenment ministry to throughout
the capital and in dozens of Parisian whorehouses.
"French people respect water. We don't waste water like
the Americans do. When it's time to bathe, our family shares
one pot of water. And it's not Evian, you bunch of Yankee
suckers!"
The rampant European floods have driven hundreds of thousands
from their homes, ruined harvests and destroyed buildings
and roads. British soldiers based in Germany were called out
in record numbers, while the U.S. Army and Poland donated
over 300,000 sandbags to the cause.
Confused French citizens, not sure what to do in the crisis,
got down on their knees and surrendered to the approaching
soldiers. The government immediately offered to begin deporting
Jews and gypsies but were instructed to dig trenches instead.
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Above:
It was a close call for France, but they still smell
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