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LOS ANGELES, CA-- A powerful group of civil rights
leaders led by Al Sharpton and Louis Farrakan demanding reparations
for American blacks descended from slaves, have announced
they may be ready to settle their lawsuit for some Lakers
tickets, a gift pack from Sony Music and an public apology
from "the White Devil."
After trying for years to get their case heard in a courtroom,
the black leaders suffered a setback last week when one of
the petitioners of the class action lawsuit admitted he arrived
in the United States just two weeks earlier--fleeing an Ebola
virus outbreak in Uganda.
On the defensive, Rev. Al Sharpton suggested that the man's
ancestors were probably former slaves who escaped the plantations
of the Old South to resettle in Uganda. "Can you prove
it didn’t happen, Cracker?" spat Sharpton. "If
I say that’s how it happened, then that’s how it
happened!"
Added lead attorney Johnny Cochran, "If it doesn't
fit, you must acquit!"
"This is a historic day for both Blacks and my personal
fortune," said Nation of Islam leader Louis Farrakan
as he sifted through a large box of complementary CD's, donated
by Sony Music Chairman Tommy Mottola. "Ooh look -- Sisqo!"
"If it doesn't fit, you must acquit!" repeated
Cochran to a roomful of confused government lawyers after
the settlement was announced.
Shaquille O'Neal could not be reached for comment.
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Above:
Rev. Al Sharpton finalized the deal , which includes a luxury
box at the Staples Center, a box of CD's, and an admission
of guilt signed by "White Devil"
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