BOB
DECLARES WAR AGAINST OTHER OBSCURE RECALL CANDIDATES LOS
ANGELES - California gubernatorial candidate Bob From
Accounting declared war on obscure 25-year-old independent
candidate Brooke
Adams, after failing to convince her to drop out of the
race or go on a date with him. Bob referred to Adams as a
"whiny, little attention whore and direct byproduct of
the horrible education system in California." Adams responded
that Bob was an overweight, unemployed leech on the taxpayers
and she would not date him if he was the last man on Earth.Read
the correspondence»
BOB
FROM ACCOUNTING 'IRREPLACEABLE' UNLESS HE QUITS OR SUDDENLY
DIES
BFA
HQ — After careful consideration, BFA editors announced
contingency plans Thursday in the event that Bob From Accounting
should quit the website, suffer a debilitating illness or
die suddenly without notice. 'Fake Bob' finalist, and struggling
Los Angeles-based actor Steve Short, was excited and hopeful
about the possibility of replacing Bob in an unforeseen emergency.
BFA made the decision based on the recent passing of John
Ritter and ABC/Disney's decision to keep his TV show on the
air. Though Ritter won't be replaced, BFA editors have decided
that Bob will.
MAKE
A WISH FOUNDATION APOLOGIZES FOR BRITNEY-MADONNA
KISS
Phoenix,
AZ — Make-a-Wish
Foundation Executive Director Doris Harrison accepted responsibility
and apologized Wednesday for a lewd open mouth kiss shared
by pop superstars Britney Spears and Madonna at last week's
Video Music Award Ceremony. "Unfortunately in our zeal
to see a 12-year-old boy smile for the first time in years,
we agreed to his unusual request." More»
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Weekly
Columnists Below
EDITOR'S
RANT
9.25.03 -
Sorry for the short update. Debby and Shizzy will be up on
Monday. Big things in store. BIG things. Don't forget to check
out the new t-shirts in the BFA store.
And make sure you pay a visit to our new
affiliate!
9.18.03 -
Let me be serious for a sec if you don't mind. John Ritter
died this past week. He was much too young to go. He was talented.
By all accounts, he was a really nice guy. The geniuses at
ABC decided that instead of canceling its flagship sitcom
"8 Simple Rules" because they couldn't possibly
continue a show entirely centered on the father-daughter dynamic,
they have instead decided they will do the show without its
star. Executives made statements like "John would have
wanted the show to continue." I think this statement
needs repeating. "John would havewanted
the show to continue." Would John Ritter have really
wanted this? Did anyone think to ask him beforehand? Does
anyone ever ask this question beforehand? I doubt it.
Then I thought, what if I died? Would I want BFA to live on?
And more importantly, what if Bob himself died? Would he want
this website to die with him? And so together, we, as a staff
met and debated this issue for hours. In the end we decided
as difficult as it would be, we would persevere. The show
will go on no matter what. Unfortunately Bob didn't
make it to the staff meeting so we're still not really sure
how he feels. We decided to put out the search for an 'emergency
fake Bob" because we assumed he would want us to continue.
Or maybe not. I sure wouldn't. Please take a look at the candidates
and be sure to vote next week.
Do all the things you wouldn't do
with your wife
Be a sado-masochistic freak for one night of your life
Don't be loving, don't be true
Cuz i just wanna melt with you
You be tarzan,I'll be jane
Give me pleasure, inflict pain
Call me names and whip me raw
Till this ice-maiden starts to thaw
And melt until she's on her knees
Begging to taste your anti-freeze.
A
Morning Poem
By Anonymous
I woke early one morning,
The earth lay cool and still
When suddenly a tiny bird
Perched on my window sill,
He
sang a song so lovely
So carefree and so gay,
That slowly all my troubles
Began to slip away.
He
sang of far off places
Of laughter and of fun,
It seemed his very trilling,
brought up the morning sun.
I
stirred beneath the covers
Crept slowly out of bed,
Then gently shut the window
And crushed his fucking head.
I'm
not a morning person
Are you a
crappy poet? Send
it inWinning
poetry entries will be awarded prizes every week!
BFA
HQ — After careful consideration, BFA editors announced
contingency plans Thursday in the event that Bob From Accounting
should quit the website, suffer a debilitating illness or
die suddenly without notice. 'Fake Bob' finalist, and struggling
Los Angeles-based actor Steve Short, was excited and hopeful
about the possibility of replacing Bob in an unforeseen emergency.
BFA made the decision based on the recent passing of John
Ritter and ABC/Disney's decision to keep his TV show on the
air. Though Ritter won't be replaced, BFA editors have decided
that Bob will. 
Phoenix,
AZ — Make-a-Wish
Foundation Executive Director Doris Harrison accepted responsibility
and apologized Wednesday for a lewd open mouth kiss shared
by pop superstars Britney Spears and Madonna at last week's
Video Music Award Ceremony. "Unfortunately in our zeal
to see a 12-year-old boy smile for the first time in years,
we agreed to his unusual request." 
