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Hello, class. We've got a special guest lecturer today. So
please sit very still and don't make any sudden movements.
"RAAAAAAR"
"Good Morning, Hulk. May I call you Hulk?"
"RAAAAAR!"
Would you like something to drink? Some water, or some coffee,
perhaps?"
"RRAAAAR! Caffeine make Hulk jittery!"
"De-caf it is, then. Let me be the first to congratulate
you on the success of your feature film debut, 'The Hulk,'
based in part on your life story. What was it like playing
yourself?"
"RAAAAAR! Hulk approached part like any other role! Hulk
want to be honest to craft!"
"Well said, well said. What was it like working with
director Ang Lee?"
"RAAR! Hulk Crush Ang!"
"So there was some tension on the set?"
"Hulk and Ang have creative differences. Hulk want film
for everyone. Ang want film for puny art-house crowd! Hulk
Smash Puny Art House Crowd!"
"Were you happy with the final cut of the film?"
"Hulk Mad! Film long! Film Boring! Hulk want more SMASH!
Ang want more shots of empty desert! Hulk never work with
Ang again!"
"What was it like working with your co-stars?"
"Eric Bana Puny!"
"So you weren't happy with his portrayal of your alter
ego, Dr. Bruce Banner?"
"Hulk Smash Banner! Hulk Smash Bana!"
"What was it like working with Nick Nolte?"
"Nolte is ham! Notle try to steal limelight from Hulk!"
"Yes, I know, Hulk smash Nolte."
"Don't interrupt Hulk."
"Sorry."
"Hulk not interrupt you when you speaking."
"I promise not to do it again. Please, continue."
"Hulk forgot what Hulk was saying."
"You were saying something about Nick Nolte-"
"Nolte on drugs during entire shoot! HULK SMASH NOLTE!
Hulk don't do drugs. Hulk say stay in school."
"So, those muscles are one hundred percent natural?"
"What you imply?"
"Nothing, nothing at all."
"Hulk work out seven days a week! Hulk body all natural."
"Sure. You're fifteen feet tall on a good day, and you're
complexion is a dark green. That's perfectly natural."
"Hulk have good genes, hulk guess. Feel Hulk's abs!"
"No, that's okay-"
"FEEL HULK'S ABS!"
"Those are good abs."
"What was it like working with Academy Award Winner Jennifer
Connelly?"
"Connelly soft and pretty. Hulk Smash Connelly Husband.
"Do you have any response to those who are saying that
her performance in 'The Hulk' is basically the same as hers
in 'A Beautiful Mind?' A long-suffering, put-upon woman who
has to support the man she loves through all of his crippling
emotional problems?
"Connelly soft and pretty. Hulk Smash Connelly Husband."
"Fair enough. Moving on to other topics-"
"Connelly have soft skin."
"I know, Hulk. Let it go. May I ask you a personal question?"
"Hulk not mind."
"How did your pants stay up? Eric Bana probably has a
thirty-two inch waist, while yours is much larger. All muscle,
of course. But how did you fit into his pants and vice-versa?"
"Hulk not give away movie secret."
"This film is very popular. Do you think there'll be
a sequel?"
"Hulk not want disappoint fans. But Hulk need script
approval. And director approval. And 20% back-end deal on
gross."
"Is there any truth to those rumors of you and Demi Moore?"
"Hulk and Demi just friends."
"What about those pictures of the two of you in Aspen
that appear in this week's Enquirer?"
"Hulk no answer any more questions! Interview over! HULK
SMASH NEIDERMAN!"
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"Connelly
soft and pretty," says Hulk
SEND THIS ARTICLE TO A FRIEND!
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