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Honestly, “Kung Fu Hustle”
did very little to curtail a few suspicions I had a about
Chinese culture. First, everyone in China knows Kung Fu. Second,
with all that kick-ass Kung Fu ability, I doubt they need
a nuclear weapons program. Third, there is no way any living
creature can scream louder than a Chinese woman. Finally,
nothing is gayer than a gay Chinaman. See, poking fun at gay
people is universal. If we could only share that with North
Korea...
Okay, want a plot? Not important but here ya go: Set in 1930’s
Shanghai (my favorite era!), a gang of extraordinary viciousness
named the Axe Gang runs the city. They stop at nothing to
retain control and they love to use axes to chop their enemies
into dim sum. There is one place, however, that is left alone
by the gang—a slum named “Pig Sty.” Obviously,
the name is less intimidating than “Hell’s Kitchen,”
but for the purposes of this movie, it works great.
As part of a dimwitted scam, Sing (Stephen Chow) inadvertently
brings the attention of the Axe Gang to the slum. Then a fight
breaks out. But not just any fight…A Kung Fu fight! From
there, it’s all Kung Fu and comedy. As it turns out,
the slum houses a few Kung Fu masters—one of whom is
as queer as a three dollar bill—and they kick ass on
the Axe Gang. The rest of the movie is about the Axe Gang
trying to take revenge on the slum and the Kung Fu masters
who live there.
I know what you're thinking, it sounds about as funny as a
Jimmy Fallon-Queen Latifah action comedy. But I swear it's
a fucking hysterical movie. More importantly, “Kung Fu
Hustle” introduces some nice thematic elements of spirituality
and achieving one’s destiny, blah, blah blah...funny
gay Asian dudes!
Despite the fact that the movie was totally awesome, it did
have some glaring weaknesses. First off, the movie was subtitled.
Damn foreigners and their stupid language barrier. Don't they
know the American market is where all the money is made? We
need ENGRISH. Plus, if I'm busy reading subtitles, I could
easily miss a booby shot -- or better yet, a sideways vagina.
A naked Asian chick would have gone a long, long way. The
characters could even veer off on an existential tangent about
Buddhism and focusing your “chi.” Who cares? I swear—the
nuances of good cinema are lost on the Chinese.
Which brings me to my next point: where the hell were the
hot Asian chicks? What’s the point of seeing a Chinese
movie if there aren’t any hot Asian chicks in it? Those
weren’t rhetorical questions.
All in all, “Kung Fu Hustle” delivers a roundhouse
kick to your laugh hole. There's a gay joke in there somewhere.
Go see it now.
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Above:
All Asians look exactly the same, as demonstrated by this
movie still.
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