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Read Shizzy's Prank Email Archives!

Cruel, Cruel Email From Deep Within the Bowels of Slacker Hell

Send all comments or ideas to Shizzy Joyce. These are actual emails from actual humans... plus Shizzy. THEY ARE REAL.  Please forgive us and enjoy!



Greetings Shizzlers!

Sorry for my absence but don't worry, I got lots of new shizzlers in the pipeline. This week, I thought I would try something different. Here, I answer an ad from a young art student from San Francisco who's looking for some good tattoos to photograph for her class. Everyone knows how slutty art students can be and yours truly is about to give her the full shizzification.

Here is the ad:

Wanted: Men and women who have extensive tattooing on their bodies who would like to pose for a photography class art project. Contact soon if interested. Luanaxxx@aol.com

 


Date: Thu, 10 Apr 2003 21:35:37 -0700 (PDT)
From: “Erich von Shizanstein” <Erichxxx@yahoo.com> |
Subject: Body Art
To: Luanaxxx@aol.com

Hi there. I have a large tattoo of Sylvester Stallone on my back. It is from a scene in Rocky IV where Rocky climbs a mountain in Russia and cries out “Drago!” It’s the best part of the movie. I would love to have my picture taken!

Hope to hear from you soon,

Erich von Shizanstein (it's me, Shizzy)

 

From: Luanaxxx@aol.com |
Date: Sat, 12 Apr 2003 00:01:02 EDT
Subject: Re: Body Art
To: Erichxxx@yahoo.com

Hi, Erich.

Thanks for getting back to me. Let’s meet up so I can see the work! I live in west Oakland but, go to school in the city. let me know when a good time for you is. I'm pretty much free all weekend and Tuesday afternoon. And Wednesday all day.

Thanks for responding!
Luana

 

Date: Sat, 12 Apr 2003 00:43:50 -0700 (PDT)
From: “Erich von Shizanstein” <Erichxxx@yahoo.com> |
Subject: Re: Body Art
To: Luanaxxx@aol.com

Luana,

Tuesday afternoon would be great for me. I live in the Castro. I just moved here from Philadelphia a couple of weeks ago. I'm a huge Rocky fanatic. I've been doing competitive bodybuilding for the past couple of years and I'm out here trying to get into the scene here in San Francisco. If you could tell me a little bit about the project your doing I'd appreciate it. I'm just interested in how the photos will be used. Are you from Oakland originally?

Hope to hear from you soon!

Erich

 

From: Luanaxxx@aol.com |
Date: Sat, 12 Apr 2003 16:00:51 EDT
Subject: Re: Body Art
To: Erichxxx@yahoo.com

Well, I go to art school in San Francisco, at the Academy of Art College. I’m a first year photography student. This project is for my studio lighting final. I’m shooting in 4x5 black and white film. The concept is body art on form. For your time I can give you a few prints but, I can’t pay anything. I’m actually from New Jersey originally. I moved to Oakland a year and half ago to go to school. I love it out here. How does Tuesday at 4 sound? We can meet somewhere in the Castro if you like just tell me where!!!!!

Thanks
Luana

 

Date: Sun, 13 Apr 2003 17:28:14 -0700 (PDT)
From: “Erich von Shizanstein” <Erichxxx@yahoo.com> |
Subject: Re: Body Art
To: Luanaxxx@aol.com

Hi Luana!

Could we schedule a meeting some time after next Tuesday? I just got a call from my manager and he told me that there is a meet on Tuesday. I am going to have to lift all day for that night's competition. Plus, I'm planning on watching the first three Rocky movies when I get home. It helps relieve the stress of the workout and gives me motivation that maybe I could be a successful middle-aged prizefighter some day.

Anyway, I really want to work with you just for the fun of it. My wife and I have been looking for something exciting to do. My wife might actually be more suited for your project than me. She has extensive tattooing AND she does yoga and contortionist stuff. She is really flexible. Like super duper flexible.

Hope to hear from you soon.

Erich

 

From: Luanaxxx@aol.com |
Date: Mon, 14 Apr 2003 01:04:36 EDT
Subject: Re: Body Art
To: Erichxxx@yahoo.com

Anytime to meet would be fine with me. I would love to photograph your wife and you as well. Is Thursday okay to meet with you? I have studio time on Friday from 8:30 am-1:00 pm. and I can book studio time next week too. I’m very flexible but, I would like to photograph you both no later then the last week of April because my finals are the second week of may and I need
time to print and matt everything. I’m really excited to meet you and your wife and have a very good feeling about your part in this project.

Talk to you soon.
Luana

 

Date: Sun, 13 Apr 2003 23:44:15 -0700 (PDT)
From: “Erich von Shizanstein” <Erichxxx@yahoo.com> |
Subject: Re: Body Art
To: Luanaxxx@aol.com
Hi Luana!

Any time next week is great. I mean ANY time. We have absolutely nothing going next week. My wife has all next week off and I don't have any competitions scheduled so it's just Rocky, Rocky, Rocky and then maybe some dinner. We are really excited about working with you. I don't know if this is out of the question, but would you be up for taking photographs of us with our personal camera? We have tried to take photos of each other before in a "sexy" way but we don't know what we're doing. We would pay you for your time of course. I don't mean anything like porno, just photos that could complement our well-toned bodies. Did I mention how flexible my wife is? We just got one of those new digital numbers though and we're eager to try it out. Again, any time next week would be great for us. Thanks Luana!

Erich

 

From: Luanaxxx@aol.com |
Date: Mon, 14 Apr 2003 11:10:56 EDT
Subject: Re: Body Art
To: Erichxxx@yahoo.com

I would be happy to take some "erotica" pictures of you two. =) if you don’t mind posing nude for me too... I’ll do it for free! (I usually charge $80 per roll that I shoot plus the cost of prints) does that sound fair? and Besides you guys are really helping me out with this project. We can trade favor for favor. =) I’ll book some studio time for Wednesday or Thursday of next week. Hopefully in the afternoon or evening, I’m not usually an early riser. I’ll let you know what I come up with!

Luana

 

Date: Mon, 14 Apr 2003 13:08:29 -0700 (PDT)
From: “Erich von Shizanstein” <Erichxxx@yahoo.com> |
Subject: Re: Body Art
To: Luanaxxx@aol.com

Luana,

Next Thursday would be great! My wife and I are really excited. We are going to practice different positions tonight that we think would look good on film. Like scenes from Rocky where Adrian and Rocky first get it on. Now that's sexy! We definitely want these photos to be done tastefully. No real penetration of course. This sounds like a great deal! You are really helping us out and I'm glad we can help you too. For the pics we want you to shoot for us, my wife wants to have a succession of pics that go from us being fully clothed to nude. We were thinking of recreating the Rocky and Adrian scene where they first go ice skating together -- except this time she gets horny because nobody is watching. After that she wants to do this whole mardi gras ball theme with us wearing masks and cocktail party attire. Is this a good idea? We are really new to this medium, but we're eager to learn. Also we were throwing around the idea of us maybe playing a boss and secretary role since my wife is getting tired of just doing the Rocky and Adrian thing...or the Rocky and Micky thing. We'd love some feedback on the ideas.

Hope to hear from you soon.

Erich

 

From: Luanaxxx@aol.com |
Date: Mon, 14 Apr 2003 17:01:19 EDT
Subject: Re: Body Art
To: Erichxxx@yahoo.com

Those are some great ideas! I think it will be fun. I really like the Mardi Gras idea. I think it’s much more exotic and has a lot of potential to be very sexy! Let’s run with that idea to start and we might have enough time to do both. Sound good? Well, I’m off to class. I’ll email you soon.

Luana

P.S... What is your wife’s name?

 

Date: Mon, 14 Apr 2003 23:29:01 -0700 (PDT)
From: “Erich von Shizanstein” <Erichxxx@yahoo.com> |
Subject: Re: Body Art
To: Luanaxxx@aol.com

This is going to be great! My wife’s name is Jasmine. We were talking about the photo shoot with a friend of ours. His name is Dirk and he expressed an interest in participating with us. Would this be okay? He is from Germany and he is very interested in doing some erotic pictures with my wife and me. Dirk is a three time world body building champion. His body is very well defined and he is very professional. He has done some modeling for fitness magazines so I think he would take direction well. Would it be okay if Dirk participated in the shoot as well? If this would run up the cost for more than the project would allow we would gladly pay the difference. Things are getting exciting! Glad you liked the Mardi Gras idea. That will be lots of fun. Get back to me when you can.

Thanks!

Erich

 

From: Luanaxxx@aol.com |
Date: Wed, 16 Apr 2003 20:10:13 EDT
Subject: Re: Body Art
To: Erichxxx@yahoo.com

If we can do it Monday... that would be great. I had someone call for a job interview on Tuesday, right in the middle of the booked time. Thanks! It would be fine if Dirk came along. I would have to charge an extra 50 dollars for the studio time. This sounds like it will be lots of fun!

Hope that is okay,

Luana

 

Date: Wed, 16 Apr 2003 22:12:40 -0700 (PDT)
From: “Erich von Shizanstein” <Erichxxx@yahoo.com> |
Subject: Re: Body Art
To: Luanaxxx@aol.com

Monday would be great for us. I can't wait! Hopefully, during the shoot, we won't accidentally start having intercourse. That would be really embarrassing! The other day we were posing and practicing for the photo shoot and things became very heated -- especially when I did the Drago line from Rocky IV. That really gets Jasmine hot. It's sort of like Pavlov's dog and whenever I say it, she just gets freaky all over my ass. Or maybe it's just all the blow she does. Who knows?

I should also tell you I suspect that Jasmine is secretly attracted to Dirk. He is very tan and toned and does a great Apollo Creed impression. When he is oiled up and starts flexing I see the way she looks at him. She's trying to get me into some kind of weird threeway but I'm kind of shy. I don't know, I'm not sure if Sylvester Stallone would do stuff like that.

Lemme know what you think.

Erich

 

From: Luanaxxx@aol.com |
Date: Wed, 16 Apr 2003 10:07:51 EDT
Subject: Re: Body Art
To: Erichxxx@yahoo.com

No I do not think that can happen. I think that you should find someone else to take your orgy pics. That really isn’t my thing. I know that in San Francisco there are many photographers who are up for hire for that kind of thing. It has been nice talking to you. Gotta get to class!

Luana

 

Date: Wed, 17 Apr 2003 21:12:39 -0700 (PDT)
From: “Erich von Shizanstein” <Erichxxx@yahoo.com> |
Subject: Re: Body Art
To: Luanaxxx@aol.com

Luana,

I hope we didn’t offend you. I guess I got caught up in that whole "eye of the tiger" thing. My wife and I got into an argument yesterday about Dirk and my last letter to you. I lost my temper and ended up beating the crap out of her like Clubber Lang did in Rocky III. I felt terrible and begged her forgiveness. We finally made up after I told her I would make wild uninhibited dude scooty with Dirk. Please write back and hopefully we can work something out!

Erich

 

Hello? Hello?

DRAGO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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**Ed. Note: Yes, these emails are real. Yes, we change the names. Duh. Except for some spelling and paragraphing cleanup to make them more readable, the emails are exactly as they are sent and received. Anyone attempting to find some kind of "conspiracy" at BFA have even more free time on their hands than Shizzy.

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