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Cruel,
Cruel Email From Deep Within the Bowels of Slacker Hell
Send all comments or ideas
to Shizzy Joyce.
These
are actual emails from actual humans... plus Shizzy. THEY ARE REAL. Please
forgive us and enjoy!
Greetings Shizzlers!
Sorry for the hiatus, but Ive been hard at work corresponding with
more perverts. I once again reprise my role as slut-queen Cindy Ockisard.
This time I responded to a classified ad by a professional videographer
looking to take "classy" videos. This guy is a serious artist.
Let's see how fast it takes a serious artist to try to get me and my friends
in a hottub. I'm really learning what it's like to be a woman. My apologies
for the entire male species. We can't be helped.
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Date: Tue, 16 Dec 2003 17:12:09 -0700 (PDT)
From: Richard Reza <Richardxxxx@yahoo.com> |
Subject: Model Needed
To: Cindygirlxxxx@yahoo.com
Hi Cindy,
I would like to do a music video to a slow strip by a beautiful
woman. Classy, with style focusing on the female body, light, shadow
and eroticism.
I'm a professional photographer who uses video as my medium, I
hate the word videographer. I usually do corporate stuff but I have
a few projects in mind to keep my creativity flowing.
If interested please reply. I can pay some but mostly for the experience.
You can have full rights of the video as well as creative say. Not
for resale.
-Richard
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Date: Wed, 17 Dec 2003 18:19:04 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Cindy Ockisard" <Cindyxxxx@yahoo.com>
Subject: Re: Model Needed
To: <Richardxxxx@yahoo.com>
That sounds great! I'm not really after money right now so you
don't need to worry about that. I just need to do something fast
and get some time on camera under my belt. I have done lots of amateur
stuff before but nothing serious. I'd like it if we could have a
correspondence via email for awhile before meeting in person. Call
me paranoid but my cousin once met a guy online and he wanted to
meet her behind a 7-11 around midnight. He asked her for a Slurpie
or a Big Gulp and she was too stupid to know what he really wanted--
even though I think she had sex with him anyway. Hopefully we can
talk get to know each other at least a little bit before we meet.
I'd like to know more in detail what you'd like me to do on camera.
I'm up for sexy as long as it is done tastefully. That means I'll
get naked as long as I am reading a New Yorker and drinking a cappuccino
;)
I hope to hear from you soon.
Cindy (Its really me, Shizzy!)
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Date: Thu, 18 Dec 2003 10:25:20 -0700 (PDT)
From: Richard Reza <Richardxxxx@yahoo.com> |
Subject: Re: Model Needed
To: "Cindy Ockisard" <Cindyxxxx@yahoo.com>>
Cindy,
Not a problem. I understand all of your concerns and I will be glad
to do anything to make you comfortable. I was thinking that we could
meet behind a 7-11, just kidding.
(Wow, hes fucking funny)
My background: I have a visual communications degree from Asheville
Tech. I graduated in 1992. I've been working in the video industry
since I graduated doing various projects varying from being a photographer
for Rescue 911 to shooting for Sports South to video taping roads
for the gas company as well as day gigs working on Music Videos
with bands such as Toad The Wet Sprocket and the B52s (what
a band they were!)
I have had a full-time position for a company in as editor and graphic
designer for the past 7 years. We shoot about once or twice a year
but it's all industrial. Not too exciting work but it does pay the
bills. Like I said I have always wanted to do a creative project
that involves light and shadow and of course the uncompared beauty
of the womans body.
The project: it is a bit sexy, but I think it stays within the lines
of tasteful. I don't like raunchiness! The idea is a strip tease
to music. The concept is basically a women getting ready for a date.
She is coming home after a long day relaxing and thinking about
the coming evening. Thinking about what to wear. Trying on various
clothes, so be thinking about some clothes that you would like to
wear. So on camera you would changing your clothes, getting ready,
dancing a bit. The camera shots that I would be getting would be
tight shots. Not giving the full story, etc. stockings being put
on and taken off, shots of the eyes, bracelets being put on, lipstick,
all teasing and only hinting at showing the womans body fully
nude. The tease is the key word. That is sexy! Not in your face
here is the breast and the butt and go at it. All of this done with
very soft lighting combined with slashes of hard light revealing
only what we want to show.
Anyway that is the start of it.... by all means please add or subtract
what you believe would make the project better.
Let me know your ideas or reservations.
-Richard
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Date: Thu, 18 Dec 2003 14:02:35 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Cindy Ockisard" <Cindyxxxx@yahoo.com>
Subject: Re: Model Needed
To: Richard Reza <Richardxxxx@yahoo.com>
Wow, you are really creative! That's such a unique approach to
not go right in for the gyno shot. I am definitely up for it. I
can tell that I will be learning alot. I heard that it is good for
models to be competent in lighting and camera angles. I have done
alot of dancing before and I bet I could incorporate it into the
video. What sort of music do you have in mind? Call me silly but
I think that the Nothing Else Matters Metallica video was so hot!
I am really up for anything. I can dance like a stripper or like
a Laker girl. Whatever you think is more classy and sophisticated.
Where would you like to shoot? My uncle has a sweet apt. that he
wants me to take care of while he is in Ireland. I'm sure he wouldn't
mind if we filmed a video at his place. I do have a friend of mine
that is very attractive who is also interested in getting into modeling
and doing music videos. Would there be any way that she could participate
as well? Maybe we just got done with a double date and we just want
to unwind afterwards and maybe get a little crazy. If not it is
cool. I can tell her to buzz off. It sounds like you have done some
really cool stuff. I hope I don't hold you back because you will
have to explain some of the basics to me. I promise I am a fast
learner. I have a great pic of me I am trying to send you. Stupid
computer! I'll get it to you soon. This is so exciting! Hope to
hear from you soon!
Cindy
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Date: Thu, 18 Dec 2003 15:59:16 -0700 (PDT)
From: Richard Reza <Richardxxxx@yahoo.com>
Subject: Re: Model Needed
To: "Cindy Ockisard" <Cindyxxxx@yahoo.com>>
Cindy,
It sounds like you are enthusiastic about the project. This is good!
I'm glad. I have no problems with you bringing your friend. I just
need to know if she is for sure in or out. The planning involved
will take some time, I need to visualize and then organize a shoot
schedule planned around the both of you. Pictures would be good
but not totally necessary. If you could describe the two of you
I better visualize the direction in which to go.
A couple of questions:
Where is your uncle's apartment? (General area is fine) I need an
idea of what is out the windows, we will have to shoot mainly at
night to get the kind of look I would like unless we shoot in a
complete windowless room. Does it have a hot tub? When will he be
in Ireland?
(Gee, he mentioned a hottub. I'm so surprised)
Also how many different costumes do you think you have? I would
love to hear some of your ideas in this area since I have no clue
of what is in your closet.
Anyway you have me extremely excited about this project and I can't
wait to get started storyboarding out some ideas.
I'm glad that you are enthusiastic about learning. I have no problem
in explaining anything to you. It will be a bit of a learning process
for myself also and we can muddle through it little by little together.
Thank you Cindy I think this will be beneficial and fun for all
of us.
Chat with you soon.
-Richard
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Date: Thu, 18 Dec 2003 17:02:54 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Cindy Ockisard" <Cindyxxxx@yahoo.com>
Subject: Re: Model Needed
To: Richard Reza <Richardxxxx@yahoo.com>
Richard,
I am very enthusiastic about working with you. My friend Sandy
says she is a go for the shoot. My uncle's apt. is about a block
from where I live near downtown. I don't want to sound sketchy but
I don't want to give you exact directions just yet. As I mentioned
before I have heard horror stories about people meeting online and
things getting out of hand. I am just a very neurotic girl and I
just want to get to know you better
Luckily I have a ton of costumes. Being a born performer, I was
pretty active in my high school theater and I have everything from
a cowgirl outfit to biker chick to all kinds of mini skirts and
tons of hats, which I stole from the props dept. My uncle's house
has a room in it where it is all windows and a high ceiling. It
has a great view -- and a hot tub outside on his porch! His apt
is the best in the building. It's up on the top floor. I do need
to tell you something sort of weird about Sandy. She is missing
an eye. I mean she has two eyes but one of them is glass. She doesn't
have control over it and some people find it kind of unsettling
being around her. Sometimes she wears a patch over it and it's very
sexy in a pirate chick kind of way, but some people get freaked
out by it. I first became friends with her because I felt sorry
for her but it turns out she's a lot of fun and I would still hang
out with her even if she didn't buy my clothes and give me gifts
and always pay for drinks. She can even take out the glass eye which
is fun to do at the bars. Other than the eye thing she is a ten.
She has worked at Hooters for a couple of years and dated an NFL
player for awhile.
I on the other hand have two eyes that work quite well. I am about
5' 9 with C cup breasts and a high bottom if I don't say so myself.
I am a brunette and I work out all the time so I am pretty well
toned. My uncle will be in Ireland during the first three weeks
of January. He is going with his bimbo secretary. Anyway, I am super
psyched about working with you! Would it be possible for someone
to hire you to do some freelance filming? If you are up for it I
think I would like to discuss another project with you that we could
maybe do after the video shoot. I have to make dinner! :) Hope to
hear from you soon Richard!!
Cindy
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Date: Fri, 19 Dec 2003 13:51:36 -0700 (PDT)
From: Richard Reza <Richardxxxx@yahoo.com>
Subject: Re: Model Needed
To: "Cindy Ockisard" <Cindyxxxx@yahoo.com>>
Cindy,
Sounds great. Also what color is yours and Sandy's skin tone? Good
to know for lighting. If you do have a picture to send that would
great.
The idea I have so far is that you come home dressed in a professional
work outfit, a bit fatigued from work and casually slinking out
of your clothes the moment you reach the privacy of the penthouse
apartment. You go through your normal "get home routine"
and wind up checking the answering machine. A friend of yours has
left a message that he will be in town and would like to meet you
for dinner. You are extremely excited and you are suddenly very
revived and energetic. You decide to call your best friend (Sandy)
to come over and help you pick out the perfect outfit for the evening.
You hang up the phone and head for the shower. The music starts.
I was thinking of a song by Danko Jones called Bounce. I have attached
the MP3 file so you can listen. Let me know what you think.
From the there the shoot gets fun, trying on clothes, getting sexy,
etc... the best thing is we can freelance all we want and it should
come together quite easily.
Talk with you soon when I have more.
-Richard
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Date: Fri, 19 Dec 2003 14:36:30 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Cindy Ockisard" <Cindyxxxx@yahoo.com>
Subject: Re: Model Needed
To: Richard Reza <Richardxxxx@yahoo.com>
Hi Richard! This all sounds fantastic. I'm really super excited
about getting some good experience out of this. I think I have heard
that song before. I really like it! It would be perfect for the
shoot. As for Sandy's skin tone, she is a black girl with skin similar
to Tyra Banks but maybe like 5 shades darker. It is going to be
so fun to just improvise and let loose.
By the way, the side project I had mentioned earlier is pretty
wild but I hope you might consider it. My boyfriend Lance and I
are interested in doing some classy lovemaking videos. We are clueless
as to how the lighting and camera angles should be. I told him about
what you and I have been discussing and he came up with the idea
of having you film us. We would really love to have some sexy footage
of us making love. If this is way too crazy than forget I mentioned
it and we will proceed as planned earlier. I promise to get a pic
to you as soon as I can. My bleeping scanner is so crap. I think
the scenario you describe sounds great. My friend Sandy is very
excited too, but I think she just wants to see me naked! This is
going to be great!
Cindy
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Date: Fri, 19 Dec 2003 15:21:53 -0700 (PDT)
From: Richard Reza <Richardxxxx@yahoo.com>
Subject: Re: Model Needed
To: "Cindy Ockisard" <Cindyxxxx@yahoo.com>>
Cindy,
Not a problem with the boyfriend project. Just to be sure I understand
you completely, would like to know if you want this video of you
two as an educational tool or do you want it to look good? The difference
is camera angles and shadow lighting versus an educational tool
of basically wide shots with full lights. Payment... if he has money
then he can pay me what he thinks is fair after the finished product
is delivered, otherwise I have no problem doing this for you guys
for free. I'm gaining new experiences that are worth alot to me,
plus it sounds like alot of fun. Regular rates for me are $950/
day with this particular shooting package, plus $150/hour for editing.
It would take me anywhere from 5 -10 hours to edit what I think
you guys want. So it could add up, but so do modeling fees, so it
can be a wash if you guys wish.
Also, I usually don't do this kind of subject matter so I prefer
to keep this between you and me. If you have any referrals please
talk to me first, thanks. I hope you understand.
We could do the boyfriend thing on a day or night before our video
shoot if you would like. I think combining the two will be a bit
much. This way you could meet me in the presence of a male to make
you more comfortable.
I would like to meet you both in a public place first. Not that
I don't trust you and your boyfriend but as you said, meeting people
on the net can be creepy. I can get a feeling about a person once
I meet them, and I'm sure you can do the same.
Good to know about the skintone, not a problem just trying to be
prepared. What color is your skintone?
Richard
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Date: Sat, 20 Dec 2003 03:28:43 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Cindy Ockisard" <Cindyxxxx@yahoo.com>>
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Subject: Re: Model Needed
To: Richard Reza <Richardxxxx@yahoo.com>
My skintone is comparable to Alyssa Milanos. I actually get
told I look alot like her. I don't mind the comparison. I am so
glad you are up for this. We want this video to look like like a
professional porno -- except very classy with good lighting and
stuff. I read that good filmmaking starts witha good story so I've
been working on a screenplay that ends up with us having sex.
Meeting ahead of time is a good idea. There are going to be some
wild shots and getting to know you better will make me comfortable.
As for the theme we'd like it if it could be a whole 1920's gangster
Al Capone type thing. I could dress up as a flapper and Lance could
play a wiseguy. What do you think of our theme? We are still open
to new ideas. Are there any sex acts that you wouldn't feel comfortable
filming? I promise we won't have any animals involved or anything
nuts like that, but we do get pretty freaky when we break out all
the drugs. Lance has been practicing his money shot at work believe
it or not. I hope he doesnt get fired. J I can't believe we
are doing this it is so exciting! I would appreciate feedback on
the theme idea if you could.
Cindy ;)
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Date: Mon, 22 Dec 2003 11:21:05 -0700 (PDT)
From: Richard Reza <Richardxxxx@yahoo.com>
Subject: Re: Model Needed
To: "Cindy Ockisard" <Cindyxxxx@yahoo.com>>
Hi Cindy,
What you described sounds like a fun shoot. I'm getting more comfortable
chatting with you the further we progress. I'm usually as far away
from a computer as possible on the weekend so I apologize for not
getting back to you sooner.
For the "porno" are we doing dialog? The reason I ask
is, microphones are a bit hard to hide on a naked body so we are
going to have to use a boom mic. This would require another person
there. I could hire an assistant but I thought you would be more
comfortable with a friend like Sandy or someone else that you could
trust. If you choose, we can limit the dialog scenes when clothes
are on, anyway just something to think about, it's the first of
many things that came to mind. I usually like to do small projects
like this so I can work alone and be discreet. It takes extra time
but we have the same quality.
I guess we should talk about when to meet and discuss plans etc.
I'm usually available after 5 pm and can make arrangements to meet
earlier if I know in advance. I have a fairly flexible schedule.
I would like to avoid Thursdays, they would be the only night that
I have conflict.
Chat with you soon.
Richard
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Date: Wed, 24 Dec 2003 09:29:28 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Cindy Ockisard" <Cindyxxxx@yahoo.com>
Subject: Re: Model Needed
To: Richard Reza <Richardxxxx@yahoo.com>
That is a good point. We will have to tape the mics on to our bodies
I guess because we're big talkers in the sack. In fact my boyfriend
is always telling me to shut up but I just can't help it. We were
talking last night about the movie and we wondered if we could make
it even steamier by having Randy and Misty join us. Randy and Misty
are a couple that live down the hallway and are always hinting that
they are interested in swinging. I hope you don't mind but I discussed
the movie project with them and they really want to be a part of
it. They said they are open to any kind of movie we can come up
with as long as it's tastefully done and doesn't appear on the internet.
By the way, we have been rehearsing sex positions in the mirror
to see what will look good on film. Weve got a great one that
we call The Rotisserie where Lance spins me around like a chicken
at KFC. I'm pretty sure we invented it but I can't be certain. I
can't wait to get started. Tell me if the other couple thing is
ok with you. Randy has a pretty hard core Braveheart mullet going
but he is really sexy otherwise. Misty is a little overweight but
she is really nice. We are all getting together tonight to discuss
possible scenarios. Hope to hear from you soon. You're awesome Richard!
Cindy :)
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Date: Wed, 24 Dec 2003 11:06:29 -0700 (PDT)
From: Richard Reza <Richardxxxx@yahoo.com>
Subject: Re: Model Needed
To: "Cindy Ockisard" <Cindyxxxx@yahoo.com>>
Cindy,
I have no problem with whatever you guys have in mind. I think I
would draw the line at any sex acts with animals, but it sounds
like you guys draw the line there also.
Just please inform Misty and Randy that I would like to be discreet
and keep this part of my video business confidential. I don't want
to be widely known for making pornos. I hope you understand.
I hope you know that this will be some work. To make it look good
we will need to take a good block of time and it could become very
tiresome. My suggestion would be to maybe do this over more then
one day. I'm not looking to up my fee just up the quality and the
enjoyment for everyone.
The best way I think for us to proceed is to let you 4 meet and
decide on your scenario. I would like to make a few suggestions
to think about while you guys are being creative. Try to limit the
action to a couple of rooms, at the most three. Setups are what
take time. Lighting is bad in so much of adult videos these days
and good lighting is what is going to Decarate the look of this
video.
The scenes are going to have to be rehearsed to some regard. Blocking
( the way you are facing the camera and move when on camera) is
going to have to be fairly precise. We may have to shoot a scene
over several times to get it right. Go ahead and rough out your
scenario but be ready for some changes in the blocking of the scene.
In other words don't get too rehearsed in what you guys are doing,
I'm sure it will change. I have given up blocking out my own scenes
ahead of time for my shoots, it never, and I mean never stays the
same no matter how much you plan.
I would like to shoot this sometime before October 12. The weekend
before that is even better.
Editing this may take some time. I do have my usual job during the
day and will be editing this little by little at night. Very discreetly
of course.
Also, what concerns me. I will by no means let any of the footage
be released to or seen by anyone. This is your private video. Once
completed I will give you all the source tape and the master. You
can do with them what you will. The reason being if any of you 4
decide to end your relationship with each other the video itself
could become a source of tension. I don't want to get caught up
in that. I need to protect myself. I hope you understand. I might
have you guys sign something ahead of time to make sure that you
understand this, I hope that is ok.
I'm looking forward to meeting all of you and proceeding. It sound
like fun.
Talk with you soon.
-Richard
(This guy is getting pretty demanding. Time to unload!)
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Date: Wed, 24 Dec 2003 13:05:06 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Cindy Ockisard" <Cindyxxxx@yahoo.com>>
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Subject: Re: Model Needed
To: Richard Reza <Richardxxxx@yahoo.com>
I agree that animal sex is truly disgusting. Randy and Misty have
come up with a scenario for your consideration. They have this weird
fetish about using butter. They are sort of butter freaks. They
like to cover themselves in butter and just go at it all hot and
glazed up like a Christmas turkey. Lance and I have had a slightly
different fetish for many years. We are what they call grit jigglers.
We like to make a big load of grits in our bath tub and just get
down and dirty covered in grits. I love me some gritters on my titters!
:) Grits are the ultimate aphrodisiac. They feel so good. So, the
scene we want to do is this
..Misty and I are moving into the
building and we are carrying boxes into the apt. Lance and Randy
come over and offer to help us unload boxes. After we are done the
boys offer to make us dinner. We tell them we like grits because
we are from the south and they agree to make them for us. Cut to
the kitchen where they are making the grits and things get hot.
Lance asks me to taste some of his grits and I do and then he spills
them all over me. I tell him hes been naughty and we all start
going at it in the kitchen covered in grits and butter. One thing
leads to another and we are in the hot tub that is filled with grits
and we are going at it Rotisserie style. Right when things cant
get any hotter our neighbor shows up played by Sandy. She is covered
in sugar holding a venus fly trap. She asks if she can join us and
we tell her to jump in the tub. I start making out with Sandy and
the venus fly trap starts giving head to my tittie. The plant-head
is too much for me to handle and I have an organism. So, what do
you think? Is it doable? I feel like this could be a really good
movie even though I'm just a beginner screenwriter. Cant wait
to hear what you think!
Cindy
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I did not get a reply from uber porn director Richard. I guess I
pushed him a little to far into the world of steamy Shizzy sex. What is
wrong with a little venus flytrap head in the hot tub with some steaming
gritters on the titters? It could have been the next Pulp Fiction! See
ya next time.
Happy New Year,
Shizzy
Suggestions? Comments? Send me a note
.
**Ed. Note: Yes, these emails are real. Yes, we change the names.
Duh. Except for some spelling and paragraphing cleanup to make them more
readable, the emails are exactly as they are sent and received. Anyone
attempting to find some kind of "conspiracy" at BFA have even
more free time on their hands than Shizzy.
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