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Read Shizzy's Prank Email Archives!

Cruel, Cruel Email From Deep Within the Bowels of Slacker Hell

Send all comments or ideas to Shizzy Joyce. These are actual emails from actual humans... plus Shizzy. THEY ARE REAL.  Please forgive us and enjoy!


Greetings Shizzlers!

Sorry for the hiatus, but I’ve been hard at work corresponding with more perverts. I once again reprise my role as slut-queen Cindy Ockisard. This time I responded to a classified ad by a professional videographer looking to take "classy" videos. This guy is a serious artist. Let's see how fast it takes a serious artist to try to get me and my friends in a hottub. I'm really learning what it's like to be a woman. My apologies for the entire male species. We can't be helped.

 

Date: Tue, 16 Dec 2003 17:12:09 -0700 (PDT)
From: ”Richard Reza” <Richardxxxx@yahoo.com> |
Subject: Model Needed
To: Cindygirlxxxx@yahoo.com

Hi Cindy,

I would like to do a music video to a slow strip by a beautiful woman. Classy, with style focusing on the female body, light, shadow and eroticism.

I'm a professional photographer who uses video as my medium, I hate the word videographer. I usually do corporate stuff but I have a few projects in mind to keep my creativity flowing.

If interested please reply. I can pay some but mostly for the experience. You can have full rights of the video as well as creative say. Not for resale.

-Richard

Date: Wed, 17 Dec 2003 18:19:04 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Cindy Ockisard" <Cindyxxxx@yahoo.com>
Subject: Re: Model Needed
To: ” <Richardxxxx@yahoo.com>

That sounds great! I'm not really after money right now so you don't need to worry about that. I just need to do something fast and get some time on camera under my belt. I have done lots of amateur stuff before but nothing serious. I'd like it if we could have a correspondence via email for awhile before meeting in person. Call me paranoid but my cousin once met a guy online and he wanted to meet her behind a 7-11 around midnight. He asked her for a Slurpie or a Big Gulp and she was too stupid to know what he really wanted-- even though I think she had sex with him anyway. Hopefully we can talk get to know each other at least a little bit before we meet. I'd like to know more in detail what you'd like me to do on camera. I'm up for sexy as long as it is done tastefully. That means I'll get naked as long as I am reading a New Yorker and drinking a cappuccino ;)

I hope to hear from you soon.

Cindy (It’s really me, Shizzy!)


Date: Thu, 18 Dec 2003 10:25:20 -0700 (PDT)
From: ”Richard Reza” <Richardxxxx@yahoo.com> |
Subject: Re: Model Needed
To: "Cindy Ockisard" <Cindyxxxx@yahoo.com>>

Cindy,

Not a problem. I understand all of your concerns and I will be glad to do anything to make you comfortable. I was thinking that we could meet behind a 7-11, just kidding.

(Wow, he’s fucking funny)

My background: I have a visual communications degree from Asheville Tech. I graduated in 1992. I've been working in the video industry since I graduated doing various projects varying from being a photographer for Rescue 911 to shooting for Sports South to video taping roads for the gas company as well as day gigs working on Music Videos with bands such as Toad The Wet Sprocket and the B52’s (what a band they were!)

I have had a full-time position for a company in as editor and graphic designer for the past 7 years. We shoot about once or twice a year but it's all industrial. Not too exciting work but it does pay the bills. Like I said I have always wanted to do a creative project that involves light and shadow and of course the uncompared beauty of the woman’s body.

The project: it is a bit sexy, but I think it stays within the lines of tasteful. I don't like raunchiness! The idea is a strip tease to music. The concept is basically a women getting ready for a date. She is coming home after a long day relaxing and thinking about the coming evening. Thinking about what to wear. Trying on various clothes, so be thinking about some clothes that you would like to wear. So on camera you would changing your clothes, getting ready, dancing a bit. The camera shots that I would be getting would be tight shots. Not giving the full story, etc. stockings being put on and taken off, shots of the eyes, bracelets being put on, lipstick, all teasing and only hinting at showing the woman’s body fully nude. The tease is the key word. That is sexy! Not in your face here is the breast and the butt and go at it. All of this done with very soft lighting combined with slashes of hard light revealing only what we want to show.

Anyway that is the start of it.... by all means please add or subtract what you believe would make the project better.

Let me know your ideas or reservations.

-Richard


Date: Thu, 18 Dec 2003 14:02:35 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Cindy Ockisard" <Cindyxxxx@yahoo.com>
Subject: Re: Model Needed
To: ”Richard Reza” <Richardxxxx@yahoo.com>

Wow, you are really creative! That's such a unique approach to not go right in for the gyno shot. I am definitely up for it. I can tell that I will be learning alot. I heard that it is good for models to be competent in lighting and camera angles. I have done alot of dancing before and I bet I could incorporate it into the video. What sort of music do you have in mind? Call me silly but I think that the Nothing Else Matters Metallica video was so hot! I am really up for anything. I can dance like a stripper or like a Laker girl. Whatever you think is more classy and sophisticated. Where would you like to shoot? My uncle has a sweet apt. that he wants me to take care of while he is in Ireland. I'm sure he wouldn't mind if we filmed a video at his place. I do have a friend of mine that is very attractive who is also interested in getting into modeling and doing music videos. Would there be any way that she could participate as well? Maybe we just got done with a double date and we just want to unwind afterwards and maybe get a little crazy. If not it is cool. I can tell her to buzz off. It sounds like you have done some really cool stuff. I hope I don't hold you back because you will have to explain some of the basics to me. I promise I am a fast learner. I have a great pic of me I am trying to send you. Stupid computer! I'll get it to you soon. This is so exciting! Hope to hear from you soon!

Cindy


Date: Thu, 18 Dec 2003 15:59:16 -0700 (PDT)
From: ”Richard Reza” <Richardxxxx@yahoo.com>
Subject: Re: Model Needed
To: "Cindy Ockisard" <Cindyxxxx@yahoo.com>>
Cindy,

It sounds like you are enthusiastic about the project. This is good! I'm glad. I have no problems with you bringing your friend. I just need to know if she is for sure in or out. The planning involved will take some time, I need to visualize and then organize a shoot schedule planned around the both of you. Pictures would be good but not totally necessary. If you could describe the two of you I better visualize the direction in which to go.

A couple of questions:

Where is your uncle's apartment? (General area is fine) I need an idea of what is out the windows, we will have to shoot mainly at night to get the kind of look I would like unless we shoot in a complete windowless room. Does it have a hot tub? When will he be in Ireland?

(Gee, he mentioned a hottub. I'm so surprised)

Also how many different costumes do you think you have? I would love to hear some of your ideas in this area since I have no clue of what is in your closet.

Anyway you have me extremely excited about this project and I can't wait to get started storyboarding out some ideas.

I'm glad that you are enthusiastic about learning. I have no problem in explaining anything to you. It will be a bit of a learning process for myself also and we can muddle through it little by little together.

Thank you Cindy I think this will be beneficial and fun for all of us.

Chat with you soon.

-Richard


Date: Thu, 18 Dec 2003 17:02:54 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Cindy Ockisard" <Cindyxxxx@yahoo.com>
Subject: Re: Model Needed
To: ”Richard Reza” <Richardxxxx@yahoo.com>

Richard,

I am very enthusiastic about working with you. My friend Sandy says she is a go for the shoot. My uncle's apt. is about a block from where I live near downtown. I don't want to sound sketchy but I don't want to give you exact directions just yet. As I mentioned before I have heard horror stories about people meeting online and things getting out of hand. I am just a very neurotic girl and I just want to get to know you better

Luckily I have a ton of costumes. Being a born performer, I was pretty active in my high school theater and I have everything from a cowgirl outfit to biker chick to all kinds of mini skirts and tons of hats, which I stole from the props dept. My uncle's house has a room in it where it is all windows and a high ceiling. It has a great view -- and a hot tub outside on his porch! His apt is the best in the building. It's up on the top floor. I do need to tell you something sort of weird about Sandy. She is missing an eye. I mean she has two eyes but one of them is glass. She doesn't have control over it and some people find it kind of unsettling being around her. Sometimes she wears a patch over it and it's very sexy in a pirate chick kind of way, but some people get freaked out by it. I first became friends with her because I felt sorry for her but it turns out she's a lot of fun and I would still hang out with her even if she didn't buy my clothes and give me gifts and always pay for drinks. She can even take out the glass eye which is fun to do at the bars. Other than the eye thing she is a ten. She has worked at Hooters for a couple of years and dated an NFL player for awhile.

I on the other hand have two eyes that work quite well. I am about 5' 9 with C cup breasts and a high bottom if I don't say so myself. I am a brunette and I work out all the time so I am pretty well toned. My uncle will be in Ireland during the first three weeks of January. He is going with his bimbo secretary. Anyway, I am super psyched about working with you! Would it be possible for someone to hire you to do some freelance filming? If you are up for it I think I would like to discuss another project with you that we could maybe do after the video shoot. I have to make dinner! :) Hope to hear from you soon Richard!!

Cindy


Date: Fri, 19 Dec 2003 13:51:36 -0700 (PDT)
From: ”Richard Reza” <Richardxxxx@yahoo.com>
Subject: Re: Model Needed
To: "Cindy Ockisard" <Cindyxxxx@yahoo.com>>

Cindy,

Sounds great. Also what color is yours and Sandy's skin tone? Good to know for lighting. If you do have a picture to send that would great.

The idea I have so far is that you come home dressed in a professional work outfit, a bit fatigued from work and casually slinking out of your clothes the moment you reach the privacy of the penthouse apartment. You go through your normal "get home routine" and wind up checking the answering machine. A friend of yours has left a message that he will be in town and would like to meet you for dinner. You are extremely excited and you are suddenly very revived and energetic. You decide to call your best friend (Sandy) to come over and help you pick out the perfect outfit for the evening. You hang up the phone and head for the shower. The music starts. I was thinking of a song by Danko Jones called Bounce. I have attached the MP3 file so you can listen. Let me know what you think.

From the there the shoot gets fun, trying on clothes, getting sexy, etc... the best thing is we can freelance all we want and it should come together quite easily.

Talk with you soon when I have more.

-Richard


Date: Fri, 19 Dec 2003 14:36:30 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Cindy Ockisard" <Cindyxxxx@yahoo.com>
Subject: Re: Model Needed
To: ”Richard Reza” <Richardxxxx@yahoo.com>

Hi Richard! This all sounds fantastic. I'm really super excited about getting some good experience out of this. I think I have heard that song before. I really like it! It would be perfect for the shoot. As for Sandy's skin tone, she is a black girl with skin similar to Tyra Banks but maybe like 5 shades darker. It is going to be so fun to just improvise and let loose.

By the way, the side project I had mentioned earlier is pretty wild but I hope you might consider it. My boyfriend Lance and I are interested in doing some classy lovemaking videos. We are clueless as to how the lighting and camera angles should be. I told him about what you and I have been discussing and he came up with the idea of having you film us. We would really love to have some sexy footage of us making love. If this is way too crazy than forget I mentioned it and we will proceed as planned earlier. I promise to get a pic to you as soon as I can. My bleeping scanner is so crap. I think the scenario you describe sounds great. My friend Sandy is very excited too, but I think she just wants to see me naked! This is going to be great!

Cindy


Date: Fri, 19 Dec 2003 15:21:53 -0700 (PDT)
From: ”Richard Reza” <Richardxxxx@yahoo.com>
Subject: Re: Model Needed
To: "Cindy Ockisard" <Cindyxxxx@yahoo.com>>

Cindy,

Not a problem with the boyfriend project. Just to be sure I understand you completely, would like to know if you want this video of you two as an educational tool or do you want it to look good? The difference is camera angles and shadow lighting versus an educational tool of basically wide shots with full lights. Payment... if he has money then he can pay me what he thinks is fair after the finished product is delivered, otherwise I have no problem doing this for you guys for free. I'm gaining new experiences that are worth alot to me, plus it sounds like alot of fun. Regular rates for me are $950/ day with this particular shooting package, plus $150/hour for editing. It would take me anywhere from 5 -10 hours to edit what I think you guys want. So it could add up, but so do modeling fees, so it can be a wash if you guys wish.

Also, I usually don't do this kind of subject matter so I prefer to keep this between you and me. If you have any referrals please talk to me first, thanks. I hope you understand.

We could do the boyfriend thing on a day or night before our video shoot if you would like. I think combining the two will be a bit much. This way you could meet me in the presence of a male to make you more comfortable.

I would like to meet you both in a public place first. Not that I don't trust you and your boyfriend but as you said, meeting people on the net can be creepy. I can get a feeling about a person once I meet them, and I'm sure you can do the same.

Good to know about the skintone, not a problem just trying to be prepared. What color is your skintone?

Richard


Date: Sat, 20 Dec 2003 03:28:43 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Cindy Ockisard" <Cindyxxxx@yahoo.com>> |
Subject: Re: Model Needed
To: ”Richard Reza” <Richardxxxx@yahoo.com>

My skintone is comparable to Alyssa Milano’s. I actually get told I look alot like her. I don't mind the comparison. I am so glad you are up for this. We want this video to look like like a professional porno -- except very classy with good lighting and stuff. I read that good filmmaking starts witha good story so I've been working on a screenplay that ends up with us having sex.

Meeting ahead of time is a good idea. There are going to be some wild shots and getting to know you better will make me comfortable. As for the theme we'd like it if it could be a whole 1920's gangster Al Capone type thing. I could dress up as a flapper and Lance could play a wiseguy. What do you think of our theme? We are still open to new ideas. Are there any sex acts that you wouldn't feel comfortable filming? I promise we won't have any animals involved or anything nuts like that, but we do get pretty freaky when we break out all the drugs. Lance has been practicing his money shot at work believe it or not. I hope he doesn’t get fired. J I can't believe we are doing this it is so exciting! I would appreciate feedback on the theme idea if you could.

Cindy ;)


Date: Mon, 22 Dec 2003 11:21:05 -0700 (PDT)
From: ”Richard Reza” <Richardxxxx@yahoo.com>
Subject: Re: Model Needed
To: "Cindy Ockisard" <Cindyxxxx@yahoo.com>>
Hi Cindy,

What you described sounds like a fun shoot. I'm getting more comfortable chatting with you the further we progress. I'm usually as far away from a computer as possible on the weekend so I apologize for not getting back to you sooner.

For the "porno" are we doing dialog? The reason I ask is, microphones are a bit hard to hide on a naked body so we are going to have to use a boom mic. This would require another person there. I could hire an assistant but I thought you would be more comfortable with a friend like Sandy or someone else that you could trust. If you choose, we can limit the dialog scenes when clothes are on, anyway just something to think about, it's the first of many things that came to mind. I usually like to do small projects like this so I can work alone and be discreet. It takes extra time but we have the same quality.

I guess we should talk about when to meet and discuss plans etc. I'm usually available after 5 pm and can make arrangements to meet earlier if I know in advance. I have a fairly flexible schedule. I would like to avoid Thursdays, they would be the only night that I have conflict.


Chat with you soon.

Richard


Date: Wed, 24 Dec 2003 09:29:28 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Cindy Ockisard" <Cindyxxxx@yahoo.com>
Subject: Re: Model Needed
To: ”Richard Reza” <Richardxxxx@yahoo.com>

That is a good point. We will have to tape the mics on to our bodies I guess because we're big talkers in the sack. In fact my boyfriend is always telling me to shut up but I just can't help it. We were talking last night about the movie and we wondered if we could make it even steamier by having Randy and Misty join us. Randy and Misty are a couple that live down the hallway and are always hinting that they are interested in swinging. I hope you don't mind but I discussed the movie project with them and they really want to be a part of it. They said they are open to any kind of movie we can come up with as long as it's tastefully done and doesn't appear on the internet. By the way, we have been rehearsing sex positions in the mirror to see what will look good on film. We’ve got a great one that we call The Rotisserie where Lance spins me around like a chicken at KFC. I'm pretty sure we invented it but I can't be certain. I can't wait to get started. Tell me if the other couple thing is ok with you. Randy has a pretty hard core Braveheart mullet going but he is really sexy otherwise. Misty is a little overweight but she is really nice. We are all getting together tonight to discuss possible scenarios. Hope to hear from you soon. You're awesome Richard!

Cindy :)


Date: Wed, 24 Dec 2003 11:06:29 -0700 (PDT)
From: ”Richard Reza” <Richardxxxx@yahoo.com>
Subject: Re: Model Needed
To: "Cindy Ockisard" <Cindyxxxx@yahoo.com>>

Cindy,

I have no problem with whatever you guys have in mind. I think I would draw the line at any sex acts with animals, but it sounds like you guys draw the line there also.

Just please inform Misty and Randy that I would like to be discreet and keep this part of my video business confidential. I don't want to be widely known for making pornos. I hope you understand.

I hope you know that this will be some work. To make it look good we will need to take a good block of time and it could become very tiresome. My suggestion would be to maybe do this over more then one day. I'm not looking to up my fee just up the quality and the enjoyment for everyone.

The best way I think for us to proceed is to let you 4 meet and decide on your scenario. I would like to make a few suggestions to think about while you guys are being creative. Try to limit the action to a couple of rooms, at the most three. Setups are what take time. Lighting is bad in so much of adult videos these days and good lighting is what is going to Decarate the look of this video.

The scenes are going to have to be rehearsed to some regard. Blocking ( the way you are facing the camera and move when on camera) is going to have to be fairly precise. We may have to shoot a scene over several times to get it right. Go ahead and rough out your scenario but be ready for some changes in the blocking of the scene. In other words don't get too rehearsed in what you guys are doing, I'm sure it will change. I have given up blocking out my own scenes ahead of time for my shoots, it never, and I mean never stays the same no matter how much you plan.

I would like to shoot this sometime before October 12. The weekend before that is even better.

Editing this may take some time. I do have my usual job during the day and will be editing this little by little at night. Very discreetly of course.

Also, what concerns me. I will by no means let any of the footage be released to or seen by anyone. This is your private video. Once completed I will give you all the source tape and the master. You can do with them what you will. The reason being if any of you 4 decide to end your relationship with each other the video itself could become a source of tension. I don't want to get caught up in that. I need to protect myself. I hope you understand. I might have you guys sign something ahead of time to make sure that you understand this, I hope that is ok.

I'm looking forward to meeting all of you and proceeding. It sound like fun.

Talk with you soon.

-Richard

(This guy is getting pretty demanding. Time to unload!)

 

Date: Wed, 24 Dec 2003 13:05:06 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Cindy Ockisard" <Cindyxxxx@yahoo.com>> |
Subject: Re: Model Needed
To: ”Richard Reza” <Richardxxxx@yahoo.com>

I agree that animal sex is truly disgusting. Randy and Misty have come up with a scenario for your consideration. They have this weird fetish about using butter. They are sort of butter freaks. They like to cover themselves in butter and just go at it all hot and glazed up like a Christmas turkey. Lance and I have had a slightly different fetish for many years. We are what they call grit jigglers. We like to make a big load of grits in our bath tub and just get down and dirty covered in grits. I love me some gritters on my titters! :) Grits are the ultimate aphrodisiac. They feel so good. So, the scene we want to do is this…..Misty and I are moving into the building and we are carrying boxes into the apt. Lance and Randy come over and offer to help us unload boxes. After we are done the boys offer to make us dinner. We tell them we like grits because we are from the south and they agree to make them for us. Cut to the kitchen where they are making the grits and things get hot. Lance asks me to taste some of his grits and I do and then he spills them all over me. I tell him he’s been naughty and we all start going at it in the kitchen covered in grits and butter. One thing leads to another and we are in the hot tub that is filled with grits and we are going at it Rotisserie style. Right when things can’t get any hotter our neighbor shows up played by Sandy. She is covered in sugar holding a venus fly trap. She asks if she can join us and we tell her to jump in the tub. I start making out with Sandy and the venus fly trap starts giving head to my tittie. The plant-head is too much for me to handle and I have an organism. So, what do you think? Is it doable? I feel like this could be a really good movie even though I'm just a beginner screenwriter. Can’t wait to hear what you think!

Cindy


I did not get a reply from uber porn director Richard. I guess I pushed him a little to far into the world of steamy Shizzy sex. What is wrong with a little venus flytrap head in the hot tub with some steaming gritters on the titters? It could have been the next Pulp Fiction! See ya next time.

Happy New Year,

Shizzy

Suggestions? Comments? Send me a note .

**Ed. Note: Yes, these emails are real. Yes, we change the names. Duh. Except for some spelling and paragraphing cleanup to make them more readable, the emails are exactly as they are sent and received. Anyone attempting to find some kind of "conspiracy" at BFA have even more free time on their hands than Shizzy.

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