Home |
Past Issues |
Bob Jobs |
Who's in Charge |
Mailing List |
Bob Gear |
Copyright Notice For Plagiarists
 

Cruel, Cruel Email From Deep Within the Bowels of Slacker Hell

Send comments to Shizzy Joyce.


  These are actual emails from actual people.  Please forgive us and enjoy!


7.24.02

My Peeps,

I tell you there is nothing I hate more than to see young women exploited on the internet by money hungry smut peddlers. Okay, I'm lying. It's one of my favorite hobbies. Here I play Tina Ockisard, a young waitress hoping to make it big by posing nude for a porno site. Enjoy!

Date: Wed, 10 Jul 2002 13:14:32 -0700 (PDT) From: "Tina Ockisard" <xxxxgirl@yahoo.com> || Subject: Re: Need attractive nude models To: xxxx@xxxcom.net

Hi Chris.

My name is Tina Ockisard and I live in Miami. I am a 5 foot 10 blonde with firm C cups and a great body. I am VERY interested in your project. If you are still looking for nude models, to be a part of your site, please contact me. I can then send you some of my pics. Hope to hear from you soon!

Tina (That's Me, SHIZZY!)

From: "Chris Zakos" <xxxx@titanium.com> | | To: "Tina Ockisard" <xxxxgirl@yahoo.com> Subject: RE: Need attractive nude models Date: Wed, 10 Jul 2002 16:44:57 -0700

Hello Tina,

I am always looking for attractive models to shoot. If you would email some sample pictures of your work that would be great, I also have a partner that works with me in Los Angeles. After you send me some pictures I will give you all the details of what we would like from you. I look forward to hearing back from you and thanks again for the reply.

Chris

Date: Thu, 11 Jul 2002 13:10:09 -0700 (PDT) From: "Tina Ockisard" <xxxxgirl@yahoo.com> || Subject: RE: Need attractive nude models To: "Chris Zakos" <xxxx@titanium.com>

Hi Chris!

Yeah I was glad to get a reply from you. I am just looking around to find the right pic/pics to send you. Do you want nude pics? I have some that are partial nudity and some lingerie pics. I don't have any pics of me totally nude because my jerk ex boyfriend took them when he broke up with me. I can have my roommate take some fully nude pics of me later this week to send you if you want, but it will be a couple of days before she gets back from Tokyo. I would like to know more about your project. Is it legit? Is it tastefully done? How many girls have signed on already? How much exposure are you hoping to get for the girls? Any info you can give me would be great. I hope to hear from you soon.

Tina

From: "Chris Zakos" <xxxx@titanium.com> | To: "Tina Ockisard" <xxxxgirl@yahoo.com> Subject: RE: Need attractive nude models Date: Thu, 11 Jul 2002 16:32:05 -0700

Hello Tina,

I understand your concerns. We are a fully legit company. I am in the website development industry myself so I am very aware of the do’s and don’ts of the business. My partner and I’ve been thinking of doing this site because of how well we’ve seen others do that we work with on a daily basis. Like I said before my partner is in Los Angeles and he recruits models from the west coast. Anyway, we will be promoting this website all over the U.S. and Latin America. I have a great connection with and ISP in South America and will be able to use their database of users. They are in 14 countries there. (millions of users) I’m getting into this to make money and the way to do it is promote, promote, promoteJ. We have a variety of content up to this point. We look for quality in our girls not quantity. All the girls we have are classy not trashy. This is not going to be one of those sites like every other one you see out there doing nothing but hardcore porn. I am going to have various levels of memberships and each level will get a different access. Some girls we have were willing to do more than others but no matter what is was done very tastefully. Most all the photos at this point have been taken by either my partner or myself. We are not professional photographers by any means but know how to take quality digital photos we need. We will be trying to update all of our girls at least once a month as long as things go well with that particular girl. Eventually I want to have videos, live chats, etc. but we need to start slow to make sure we use most of our funds to promote. Anyway enough of me talking. Go ahead and send me what you have for now and when you get some nude photos you can send those. I look forward to hearing back from you. Where in Miami are you located? I am in Aventura.

Chris

Date: Thu, 11 Jul 2002 14:28:14 -0700 (PDT) From: "Tina Ockisard" <xxxxgirl@yahoo.com> | Subject: RE: Need attractive nude models To: "Chris Zakos" <xxxx@titanium.com>

I live in Coral Gables right now. I am originally from New Jersey so I don't know the Miami area to well. If you are in town then we could meet up somewhere. I am waitressing at this cafe and it sucks. I am trying to figure out this new laptop and scanner that I bought. I am such an idiot! I like what I hear concerning your business. I didn't want to be a part of any farm animal sex or midget balling sites like I see all the time. I would like to give you a call, but I got my tonsils out yesterday and I can barely speak. Maybe in a couple of days we can meet up and discuss plans for your site. Okay, I think I am starting to figure out this scanner. I will try to send you some pics tonight. How far do you live from Coral Gables? Do you have a boat? I am such a flirt. Talk to you later.

Tina

From: "Chris Zakos" <xxxx@titanium.com> | To: "Tina Ockisard" <xxxxgirl@yahoo.com> Subject: RE: Need attractive nude models Date: Fri, 12 Jul 2002 10:21:18 -0700

Hello Tina,
Thanks for the reply back. I know the Gables area. Aventura is about 25-30 minutes from there. So how long have you been here in Miami? I’m originally from CA. I’ve been here now for 4 years. I love this town. About the farm animal or midget pornJ That kind of sick shit never, ever crossed my thought pattern. I don’t get how some guys can get off the something so sick as a horses dick inside some girl. I’m getting sick just writing thisJ I’m really a down to earth normal guy that knows how to make money in this type of business. Anyway, next topic. I actually just sold my boat (2 months ago). I had it for 6 years but I am buying a new home right now and needed to sell it in order to qualify for the mortgage on my new home. But I will definitely be getting another one soon. I love having a boat here. Enough of me babbling on and on again. Try and send me some pics today. Now you got me curiousJ

Chris

Date: Fri, 12 Jul 2002 10:21:38 -0700 (PDT) From: "Tina Ockisard" <xxxxgirl@yahoo.com> | Subject: RE: Need attractive nude models To: "Chris Zakos" <xxxx@titanium.com>

Hey Chris

I am glad you are being patient with me. I am such a dingbat! My computer is doing odd things and I can't pull up the pics I want to send you. A friend of mine from work is coming over tomorrow to get things in order. She is a computer wiz and I will definitely get the pictures to you by Saturday night. Again, I am really sorry for being so unprofessional. Katie, my friend from work, is from North Carolina. She moved here the same day I did a couple of months ago. After I told her about talking with you she said she would be interested in sending in some pics too. She is a really pretty girl and not shy at all. So, tomorrow night you should have pics of two hot girls to consider for your project. I LOVE boats! My creepy manager took me out on his boat a couple of weeks ago and it was great fun until he tried to hit on me. He is this big hairy guy from Ireland. He has a cool accent but he can't stop drinking and making comments about my breasts. He kept calling me "Sugar Tits" and "Kitty Titties". He is SO psycho! After that I have decided I am getting a boat myself so I don't have to go with that freak again. Maybe you will make enough money to buy a huge boat to have company parties on! My throat is killing me. I need to take a couple of shots of Vodka and take a nap. I will send you the pics tomorrow for sure. Thanks again for your patience.

Tina


(No reply)

Date: Sat, 13 Jul 2002 20:41:44 -0700 (PDT) From: "Tina Ockisard" <xxxxgirl@yahoo.com>| Subject: RE: Need attractive nude models To: "Chris Zakos" <xxxx@titanium.com>

Hi Chris! Here are the pictures. I am the blonde. I know that my friend might not be useable but she made me promise to send in her pic. She says she lost ten pounds since this pic was taken. Her face is a little less round now. Maybe you can have a section on the site for oversized girls. I am a little bit more tan now than I am in this picture. I hope you are still interested. Can't wait to get some feedback. Hope to hear from you soon.

Tina

SHIZZY NOTE: HERE ARE THE LOVELY PICS I SENT. ACTUALLY MY MOTHER AND SISTER. I'M GOING TO HELL FOR SURE.

From: "Chris Zakos" <xxxx@titanium.com> | To: "Tina Ockisard" <xxxxgirl@yahoo.com> Subject: RE: Need attractive nude models Date: Mon, 15 Jul 2002 12:03:37 -0700

Hello Tina,

Just got into the office and got your pictures. Thanks for getting me the picture. I don’t want to sound like an ass or anything but I would not be able to user your friend. I was never planning on having a section for plus size women. Anyway, I could use you though. I would be interested in seeing some full nude shots though to see how you look with no coverings. What level of work are you willing to do? Remember everything will be done tastefully and I would never shoot what you didn’t want. Do you have any samples of G/G or B/G? Are you willing to shoot like this? Let me know.

Chris

Date: Mon, 15 Jul 2002 10:19:04 -0700 (PDT) From: "Tina Ockisard" <xxxxgirl@yahoo.com> | Subject: RE: Need attractive nude models To: "Chris Zakos" <xxxx@titanium.com>

I totally understand you not wanting to use Margaret. She knows that she has many more pounds to lose before she can model nude as a career. I do have some nude shots that I would like to send you. I can't do it from here, I'm at work, but when I get home I can send you some. One thing that may concern you is that I have a large tattoo of a swastika on my back. Underneath the swastika it says "Aryan Sister". I am now 29 years old. When I was a teenager I was dating this guy who was a Nazi skinhead. One night he got me really wasted and his friend Lars tattooed me. I am so ashamed of this tattoo. I am no racist. I have dated guys and girls of all different races. I am in the process of getting fading done to it right now, and in 6 months it should be gone. I did some swimsuit modeling for a local Hooters calendar in Hoboken and they were able to airbrush out the swastika and the writing. Would you be able to do the same? I hope so because I really want to be a part of the project. I will send you the pictures later tonight.

Tina

From: "Chris Zakos" <xxxx@titanium.com> | To: "Tina Ockisard" <xxxxgirl@yahoo.com> Subject: RE: Need attractive nude models Date: Mon, 15 Jul 2002 17:00:09 -0700

Hello Tina,

I wouldn’t worry about the Tattoo. That’s the wonderful thing about working with computers you can touch up any picture and make it the way you want it. I’m glad you told me about it though I would have been shocked as hell when I saw your back if not. What’s the deal with your boss? You told me in one email that he was making moves on you and commenting on your breasts while out on the boat. By the way it looks like you have very nice breasts. Are you still working for this guy? Has he made any more passes at you? I have been fortunate enough to get together with a few girls that I’ve worked with but it was a mutual agreement. They were attracted to me and I was attracted to them, so we decide to have a little good clean fun. I never found any harm with good clean sex with an attractive girlJ. Anyway I look forward to getting your pictures. Talk to you soon.

Chris

Date: Mon, 15 Jul 2002 15:49:36 -0700 (PDT) From: "Tina Ockisard" <xxxxgirl@yahoo.com> | Subject: RE: Need attractive nude models To: "Chris Zakos" <xxxx@titanium.com>

Yeah my boss is a major jerk. He likes to get drunk and tell us about Ireland and that's cool, but he is always slapping us waitresses on the ass and calling us gross names. Today he called me "eraser nips". He thinks my tits look like erasers. He should have seen them before I got the implants. Okay, now I don't want you to totally freak out, but I feel like I have to tell you...I was born with a penis. I was what doctors call a hermaphroditis ecclenius. That means I was born with normal female parts with an enlarged clitoris that was more penis-like than clitoris-like. They simply did a procedure on the penis and made it into a normal clitoris. There is a significant amount of scarring and discoloration down there and because of this I would prefer not to do any spread eagle, open wide, Gyno shots. I have no problem with showing my "eraser tits" and my ass. I didn't want to freak you out, but I thought I should let you know. I just wanted you to know before I sended you any more pics. If you still want to work with me let me know. I am sorry if I have wasted your time.

Tina

From: "Chris Zakos" <xxxx@titanium.com> | To: "Tina Ockisard" <xxxxgirl@yahoo.com> Subject: RE: Need attractive nude models Date: Tue, 16 Jul 2002 10:28:57 -0700

Hello Tina,

So does this mean you were born a male or female? Was it a real dick and you had a sex change operation? I must say this is a shocker to me. I’ve never come across this before so I don’t know how to act. I’m definitely not into using a women that are not women. Please don’t be offended by my response back but I am still a little shocked by this. If you want to send me some pictures then go ahead, but I really need to see if you can tell or not. I don’t need full spread eagle like you put it but at least full nude. By your first picture you couldn’t tell so maybe everything will be fine.

Chris

Date: Tue, 16 Jul 2002 09:13:49 -0700 (PDT) From: "Tina Ockisard" <xxxxgirl@yahoo.com> | Subject: RE: Need attractive nude models To: "Chris Zakos" <xxxx@titanium.com>

I was born a perfectly normal girl except that I had a small penis protruding from the top of my vagina. The penis that I was born with was surgically altered and shaped to become a clitoris. My clitoris is still probably the biggest one I have ever seen. It also seems to change color depending on the temperture in the room. Reddish/yellow when it is hot and slightly purple/blue when cold. Also certain foods inflame my vagina due to the many surgeries I underwent. Spicy foods make the area swollen. There is all sorts of scarring in and around my vagina. One other thing that might concern you is that I break out into hives on my ass in October. My therapist says this is because I have a deep-rooted fear of Halloween candy. Also, I don't know if you can tell from my picture, but I wear a wig. I have a genetic skin disease that has left me nearly hairless. I am sure all of these things are amusing to you, but it isn't easy having this condition. I assure you that I am all woman now and I would be thrilled to be able to pose for your site. Please let me know if my condition might be a problem.

Tina

From: "Chris Zakos" <xxxx@titanium.com> | To: "Tina Ockisard" <xxxxgirl@yahoo.com> Subject: RE: Need attractive nude models Date: Tue, 16 Jul 2002 12:25:56 -0700

Hello Tina,

This has got to be a joke. No one has this many problems. Thanks for wasting my time.

I think this dialogue with Mr. Zakos was a success. Let this be a lesson to all you pornography entrepreneurs out there. When recruiting new talent, be careful who you talk to. You might just get BOBBED.
I'm Out,

Shizzy

**Ed. Note: Yes, these emails are real. Yes, we change the names. Duh. Except for some spelling and paragraphing cleanup to make them more readable, the emails are exactly as they are sent and received. Anyone attempting to find some kind of "conspiracy" at BFA have even more free time on their hands than Shizzy.

Want more Shizzy? Here ya go.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 78, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29 , 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, >

 

SEND THIS PAGE TO A FRIEND!

 

Copyright © 2001-2005 Bob From Accounting/Orange Planet Entertainment, Inc. - All Rights Reserved. That means you too, Mr. Steven Spielberg