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Cruel,
Cruel Email From Deep Within the Bowels of Slacker Hell
Send comments to Shizzy Joyce.
These are actual emails from actual
people. Please forgive us and enjoy!
7.24.02
My Peeps,
I tell you there is nothing I hate
more than to see young women exploited on the internet by money
hungry smut peddlers. Okay, I'm lying. It's one of my favorite hobbies.
Here I play Tina Ockisard, a young waitress hoping to make it big
by posing nude for a porno site. Enjoy!
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Date: Wed, 10 Jul 2002 13:14:32 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Tina Ockisard" <xxxxgirl@yahoo.com>
|| Subject: Re: Need attractive nude models To: xxxx@xxxcom.net
Hi Chris.
My name is Tina Ockisard and I live in Miami. I am a 5 foot
10 blonde with firm C cups and a great body. I am VERY interested
in your project. If you are still looking for nude models,
to be a part of your site, please contact me. I can then send
you some of my pics. Hope to hear from you soon!
Tina (That's Me, SHIZZY!)
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From: "Chris Zakos" <xxxx@titanium.com>
| | To: "Tina Ockisard" <xxxxgirl@yahoo.com>
Subject: RE: Need attractive nude models Date: Wed, 10 Jul
2002 16:44:57 -0700
Hello Tina,
I am always looking for attractive models to shoot. If you
would email some sample pictures of your work that would be
great, I also have a partner that works with me in Los Angeles.
After you send me some pictures I will give you all the details
of what we would like from you. I look forward to hearing
back from you and thanks again for the reply.
Chris
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Date: Thu, 11 Jul 2002 13:10:09 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Tina Ockisard" <xxxxgirl@yahoo.com>
|| Subject: RE: Need attractive nude models To: "Chris
Zakos" <xxxx@titanium.com>
Hi Chris!
Yeah I was glad to get a reply from you. I am just looking
around to find the right pic/pics to send you. Do you want
nude pics? I have some that are partial nudity and some lingerie
pics. I don't have any pics of me totally nude because my
jerk ex boyfriend took them when he broke up with me. I can
have my roommate take some fully nude pics of me later this
week to send you if you want, but it will be a couple of days
before she gets back from Tokyo. I would like to know more
about your project. Is it legit? Is it tastefully done? How
many girls have signed on already? How much exposure are you
hoping to get for the girls? Any info you can give me would
be great. I hope to hear from you soon.
Tina
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From: "Chris Zakos" <xxxx@titanium.com>
| To: "Tina Ockisard" <xxxxgirl@yahoo.com>
Subject: RE: Need attractive nude models Date: Thu, 11 Jul
2002 16:32:05 -0700
Hello Tina,
I understand your concerns. We are a fully legit company.
I am in the website development industry myself so I am very
aware of the dos and donts of the business. My
partner and Ive been thinking of doing this site because
of how well weve seen others do that we work with on
a daily basis. Like I said before my partner is in Los Angeles
and he recruits models from the west coast. Anyway, we will
be promoting this website all over the U.S. and Latin America.
I have a great connection with and ISP in South America and
will be able to use their database of users. They are in 14
countries there. (millions of users) Im getting into
this to make money and the way to do it is promote, promote,
promoteJ. We have a variety of content up to this point. We
look for quality in our girls not quantity. All the girls
we have are classy not trashy. This is not going to be one
of those sites like every other one you see out there doing
nothing but hardcore porn. I am going to have various levels
of memberships and each level will get a different access.
Some girls we have were willing to do more than others but
no matter what is was done very tastefully. Most all the photos
at this point have been taken by either my partner or myself.
We are not professional photographers by any means but know
how to take quality digital photos we need. We will be trying
to update all of our girls at least once a month as long as
things go well with that particular girl. Eventually I want
to have videos, live chats, etc. but we need to start slow
to make sure we use most of our funds to promote. Anyway enough
of me talking. Go ahead and send me what you have for now
and when you get some nude photos you can send those. I look
forward to hearing back from you. Where in Miami are you located?
I am in Aventura.
Chris
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Date: Thu, 11 Jul 2002 14:28:14 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Tina Ockisard" <xxxxgirl@yahoo.com>
| Subject: RE: Need attractive nude models To: "Chris
Zakos" <xxxx@titanium.com>
I live in Coral Gables right now. I am originally from New
Jersey so I don't know the Miami area to well. If you are
in town then we could meet up somewhere. I am waitressing
at this cafe and it sucks. I am trying to figure out this
new laptop and scanner that I bought. I am such an idiot!
I like what I hear concerning your business. I didn't want
to be a part of any farm animal sex or midget balling sites
like I see all the time. I would like to give you a call,
but I got my tonsils out yesterday and I can barely speak.
Maybe in a couple of days we can meet up and discuss plans
for your site. Okay, I think I am starting to figure out this
scanner. I will try to send you some pics tonight. How far
do you live from Coral Gables? Do you have a boat? I am such
a flirt. Talk to you later.
Tina
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From: "Chris Zakos" <xxxx@titanium.com>
| To: "Tina Ockisard" <xxxxgirl@yahoo.com>
Subject: RE: Need attractive nude models Date: Fri, 12 Jul
2002 10:21:18 -0700
Hello Tina,
Thanks for the reply back. I know the Gables area. Aventura
is about 25-30 minutes from there. So how long have you been
here in Miami? Im originally from CA. Ive been
here now for 4 years. I love this town. About the farm animal
or midget pornJ That kind of sick shit never, ever crossed
my thought pattern. I dont get how some guys can get
off the something so sick as a horses dick inside some girl.
Im getting sick just writing thisJ Im really a
down to earth normal guy that knows how to make money in this
type of business. Anyway, next topic. I actually just sold
my boat (2 months ago). I had it for 6 years but I am buying
a new home right now and needed to sell it in order to qualify
for the mortgage on my new home. But I will definitely be
getting another one soon. I love having a boat here. Enough
of me babbling on and on again. Try and send me some pics
today. Now you got me curiousJ
Chris
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Date: Fri, 12 Jul 2002 10:21:38 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Tina Ockisard" <xxxxgirl@yahoo.com>
| Subject: RE: Need attractive nude models To: "Chris
Zakos" <xxxx@titanium.com>
Hey Chris
I am glad you are being patient with me. I am such a dingbat!
My computer is doing odd things and I can't pull up the pics
I want to send you. A friend of mine from work is coming over
tomorrow to get things in order. She is a computer wiz and
I will definitely get the pictures to you by Saturday night.
Again, I am really sorry for being so unprofessional. Katie,
my friend from work, is from North Carolina. She moved here
the same day I did a couple of months ago. After I told her
about talking with you she said she would be interested in
sending in some pics too. She is a really pretty girl and
not shy at all. So, tomorrow night you should have pics of
two hot girls to consider for your project. I LOVE boats!
My creepy manager took me out on his boat a couple of weeks
ago and it was great fun until he tried to hit on me. He is
this big hairy guy from Ireland. He has a cool accent but
he can't stop drinking and making comments about my breasts.
He kept calling me "Sugar Tits" and "Kitty
Titties". He is SO psycho! After that I have decided
I am getting a boat myself so I don't have to go with that
freak again. Maybe you will make enough money to buy a huge
boat to have company parties on! My throat is killing me.
I need to take a couple of shots of Vodka and take a nap.
I will send you the pics tomorrow for sure. Thanks again for
your patience.
Tina
(No reply)
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Date: Sat, 13 Jul 2002 20:41:44 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Tina Ockisard" <xxxxgirl@yahoo.com>|
Subject: RE: Need attractive nude models To: "Chris Zakos"
<xxxx@titanium.com>
Hi Chris! Here are the pictures. I am the blonde. I know
that my friend might not be useable but she made me promise
to send in her pic. She says she lost ten pounds since this
pic was taken. Her face is a little less round now. Maybe
you can have a section on the site for oversized girls. I
am a little bit more tan now than I am in this picture. I
hope you are still interested. Can't wait to get some feedback.
Hope to hear from you soon.
Tina
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SHIZZY NOTE: HERE ARE THE LOVELY PICS I SENT. ACTUALLY
MY MOTHER AND SISTER. I'M GOING TO HELL FOR SURE.

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From: "Chris Zakos" <xxxx@titanium.com>
| To: "Tina Ockisard" <xxxxgirl@yahoo.com>
Subject: RE: Need attractive nude models Date: Mon, 15 Jul
2002 12:03:37 -0700
Hello Tina,
Just got into the office and got your pictures. Thanks for
getting me the picture. I dont want to sound like an
ass or anything but I would not be able to user your friend.
I was never planning on having a section for plus size women.
Anyway, I could use you though. I would be interested in seeing
some full nude shots though to see how you look with no coverings.
What level of work are you willing to do? Remember everything
will be done tastefully and I would never shoot what you didnt
want. Do you have any samples of G/G or B/G? Are you willing
to shoot like this? Let me know.
Chris
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Date: Mon, 15 Jul 2002 10:19:04 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Tina Ockisard" <xxxxgirl@yahoo.com>
| Subject: RE: Need attractive nude models To: "Chris
Zakos" <xxxx@titanium.com>
I totally understand you not wanting to use Margaret. She
knows that she has many more pounds to lose before she can
model nude as a career. I do have some nude shots that I would
like to send you. I can't do it from here, I'm at work, but
when I get home I can send you some. One thing that may concern
you is that I have a large tattoo of a swastika on my back.
Underneath the swastika it says "Aryan Sister".
I am now 29 years old. When I was a teenager I was dating
this guy who was a Nazi skinhead. One night he got me really
wasted and his friend Lars tattooed me. I am so ashamed of
this tattoo. I am no racist. I have dated guys and girls of
all different races. I am in the process of getting fading
done to it right now, and in 6 months it should be gone. I
did some swimsuit modeling for a local Hooters calendar in
Hoboken and they were able to airbrush out the swastika and
the writing. Would you be able to do the same? I hope so because
I really want to be a part of the project. I will send you
the pictures later tonight.
Tina
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From: "Chris Zakos" <xxxx@titanium.com>
| To: "Tina Ockisard" <xxxxgirl@yahoo.com>
Subject: RE: Need attractive nude models Date: Mon, 15 Jul
2002 17:00:09 -0700
Hello Tina,
I wouldnt worry about the Tattoo. Thats the wonderful
thing about working with computers you can touch up any picture
and make it the way you want it. Im glad you told me
about it though I would have been shocked as hell when I saw
your back if not. Whats the deal with your boss? You
told me in one email that he was making moves on you and commenting
on your breasts while out on the boat. By the way it looks
like you have very nice breasts. Are you still working for
this guy? Has he made any more passes at you? I have been
fortunate enough to get together with a few girls that Ive
worked with but it was a mutual agreement. They were attracted
to me and I was attracted to them, so we decide to have a
little good clean fun. I never found any harm with good clean
sex with an attractive girlJ. Anyway I look forward to getting
your pictures. Talk to you soon.
Chris
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Date: Mon, 15 Jul 2002 15:49:36 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Tina Ockisard" <xxxxgirl@yahoo.com>
| Subject: RE: Need attractive nude models To: "Chris
Zakos" <xxxx@titanium.com>
Yeah my boss is a major jerk. He likes to get drunk and tell
us about Ireland and that's cool, but he is always slapping
us waitresses on the ass and calling us gross names. Today
he called me "eraser nips". He thinks my tits look
like erasers. He should have seen them before I got the implants.
Okay, now I don't want you to totally freak out, but I feel
like I have to tell you...I was born with a penis. I was what
doctors call a hermaphroditis ecclenius. That means I was
born with normal female parts with an enlarged clitoris that
was more penis-like than clitoris-like. They simply did a
procedure on the penis and made it into a normal clitoris.
There is a significant amount of scarring and discoloration
down there and because of this I would prefer not to do any
spread eagle, open wide, Gyno shots. I have no problem with
showing my "eraser tits" and my ass. I didn't want
to freak you out, but I thought I should let you know. I just
wanted you to know before I sended you any more pics. If you
still want to work with me let me know. I am sorry if I have
wasted your time.
Tina
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From: "Chris Zakos"
<xxxx@titanium.com> | To: "Tina Ockisard"
<xxxxgirl@yahoo.com> Subject: RE: Need attractive nude
models Date: Tue, 16 Jul 2002 10:28:57 -0700
Hello Tina,
So does this mean you were born a male or female?
Was it a real dick and you had a sex change operation? I must
say this is a shocker to me. Ive never come across this
before so I dont know how to act. Im definitely
not into using a women that are not women. Please dont
be offended by my response back but I am still a little shocked
by this. If you want to send me some pictures then go ahead,
but I really need to see if you can tell or not. I dont
need full spread eagle like you put it but at least full nude.
By your first picture you couldnt tell so maybe everything
will be fine.
Chris
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Date: Tue, 16 Jul 2002 09:13:49 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Tina Ockisard" <xxxxgirl@yahoo.com>
| Subject: RE: Need attractive nude models To: "Chris
Zakos" <xxxx@titanium.com>
I was born a perfectly normal girl except that I had a small
penis protruding from the top of my vagina. The penis that
I was born with was surgically altered and shaped to become
a clitoris. My clitoris is still probably the biggest one
I have ever seen. It also seems to change color depending
on the temperture in the room. Reddish/yellow when it is hot
and slightly purple/blue when cold. Also certain foods inflame
my vagina due to the many surgeries I underwent. Spicy foods
make the area swollen. There is all sorts of scarring in and
around my vagina. One other thing that might concern you is
that I break out into hives on my ass in October. My therapist
says this is because I have a deep-rooted fear of Halloween
candy. Also, I don't know if you can tell from my picture,
but I wear a wig. I have a genetic skin disease that has left
me nearly hairless. I am sure all of these things are amusing
to you, but it isn't easy having this condition. I assure
you that I am all woman now and I would be thrilled to be
able to pose for your site. Please let me know if my condition
might be a problem.
Tina
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From: "Chris Zakos" <xxxx@titanium.com>
| To: "Tina Ockisard" <xxxxgirl@yahoo.com>
Subject: RE: Need attractive nude models Date: Tue, 16 Jul
2002 12:25:56 -0700
Hello Tina,
This has got to be a joke. No one has this many problems.
Thanks for wasting my time.
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I think this dialogue with Mr. Zakos was
a success. Let this be a lesson to all you pornography entrepreneurs
out there. When recruiting new talent, be careful who you
talk to. You might just get BOBBED.
I'm Out,
Shizzy
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**Ed. Note: Yes, these emails are real. Yes, we change the names. Duh. Except
for some spelling and paragraphing cleanup to make them more readable, the emails
are exactly as they are sent and received. Anyone attempting to find some kind
of "conspiracy" at BFA have even more free time on their hands than
Shizzy.
Want more Shizzy? Here ya go.
1, 2, 3,
4, 5, 6,
7, 8, 9,
10, 11, 12,
13, 14, 15,
16, 17,
18, 19, 20,
21, 22, 23,
24, 25, 26,
27, 28, 29
, 30, 31,
32, 33, 34,
35, 36, 37,
38, 39, 40,
41, >
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