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If you missed “Behind the
Camera – The Unauthorized Story of Charlie’s Angels,”
then you deprived yourself of a real treasure trove of drama,
heartbreak and some of the most terrific boobjobs I’ve
seen since Jennifer Aniston jiggled her way on screen in the
first season of “Friends" (yes, they're fake). But
more than riveting drama and incredible opportunities for
double entendres about “big guns," this movie offered
real insight into what went on at the ABC set after the cameras
stopped rolling and the KC and The Sunshine Band tunes started
blaring. It was totally far out man.
From the moment it premiered in 1976, Charlie’s Angels
changed prime time television forever. By depicting women
as they really were (or as powerful TV executives wanted them
to be) instead of the sexist, cartoonish way they were represented
in the past, ABC gave Americans a much needed shot of reality.
Gone were ridiculous shows like “I Dream of Jeannie,”
where the female star was nothing more than a one dimensional
big boobed blond flitting around in skimpy costumes and giggling
a lot. "Charlie's Angels" showed viewers women could
be one-dimensional, big-boobed brunettes as well.
The point is that “Charlie’s Angels” became
a worldwide phenomenon virtually over night and it couldn’t
have happened without the drive, commitment and raw sex appeal
of Kate Jackson, Farrah Fawcett-Majors and Jaclyn Smith, portrayed
in the film by newcomers Lauren Stamile (Kate) Tricia Helfer
(as Farrah) and Christina Chambers (as Jaclyn).
These women did a tremendous job reminding us of the dazzling
teeth, the big hair and erect nipples we could ever hope for
while delivering such clever lines as: “We’re supposed
to be playing private dicks not purring pussies!” OK,
I swear to God that is a direct quote from the movie. Now
aren’t you sorry you missed it?
I love the word “unauthorized” – especially
when it’s used in conjunction with a behind the scenes,
made for television movie about a cheesy 1970’s series.
Visions of temper tantrums, frustrated executives and smarmy
agents set my very soul on fire. “Unauthorized”
ensures the inevitable power struggles, giant egos and if
we’re lucky, lengthy, overly dramatic threats that include
the phrase, “You’ll never work in this town again”
– delivered in this movie by Wallace Langham who plays
Farrah’s agent. He said it while he was laying on a raft
in a pool. I got chills. By the way, this agent said the exact
same thing to Suzanne Somers, if we are to believe lines from
last year's behind-the-scenes "Three's Company"
telepic. And they were both played by the same actor! How
crazy is that?
With that said, one of the coolest things about watching this
TV special had nothing to do with the aforementioned angels.
What I really liked was the totally camped out performances
delivered by virtually every actor associated with the show.
When a Ricardo Montalban look-a-like in a white suit walked
across the screen, I actually expected Tattoo to come waddling
up behind him. The guy was dead-on, and I mean creepily so.
The guy who played Lee Majors didn’t just play the Six
Million Dollar Man, he WAS the Six Million Dollar Man. Who
knew Lee Majors manhandled his wife the way he did? I would
give anything for ten minutes alone with that bionic arm of
his. YES, SIR, Colonel Austin, manhandle me anytime you like.
And as long as we’re on this subject, there really ought
to be a special Emmy for all the actors in bad behind-the-scenes
TV movies that do straight impressions of people instead of,
you know, acting. If nothing else a special award should go
to the hair and make-up people on this movie who worked so
hard on the fabulous Bam Bam Rubble wig they plopped on Dan
Castellaneta’s head to make him look like Aaron Spelling.
Pure Hollywood magic.
As I woman, I thank God every day for Charlie’s Angels
breakthrough definition of femininity. If it weren’t
for this show I would never have felt empowered to kick some
bad guy’s ass with the ninja like strength that is deep
inside me and every beautiful girl. And even if I did have
the courage to put some two bit punk in his place with my
deathly judo chop, I certainly never would have known how
to do it in four inch heels.
Thanks, Angels!
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Left
to right: hair, brains, and boobs
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