|
The panic seeping under the
doors of NBC network offices is palpable, and in some rare
cases, sticky. As execs stare down the mouth of the big empty
hole that will be left on Thursday nights when “Friends”
finally leaves the air at the end of this season, there is
utter and abject terror on both coasts. I don’t know
if you’ve ever been in close proximity to a well-fed
white man in serious danger of losing his Bentley, but it
ain’t pretty, folks. These people will do anything –
and I mean anything – to secure their “Must See
TV” comedy line-up. I am here to dissect it all. To give
you my picks and more importantly, tell who I would sleep
with on NBC's new fall lineup.
The realization is sinking in that NBC is clinging to life
with only three solid shows: Thursday night’s “Will
and Grace”, “Friends”, and Tuesday night’s
“Frasier" which still strikes a chord with old people
with good vocabularies. Having finally come to grips with
this fact, NBC is frantically introducing new shows in a manner
that can only be described as willy nilly.
For the last 10 years, NBC hasn’t had to do much to lure
viewers on Thursday nights. They pretty much proved that when
they threw “Scrubs” into the mix and we all sat
and watched it. The American public willingly trades a half
hour of their life every week watching that piece of crap
show just so they don’t have to click the remote at 8
pm when “Friends” airs. The star of "Scrubs,"
Zach Braff, might be a dream date for some, but I find him
totally creepy and I don't particularly like his nose. I would
not sleep with anyone on "Scrubs," except maybe
that semi-cute black doctor. But only after several drinks.
Touted as one of the “best new comedies” on the
fall NBC lineup, “Happy Family” is one of the only
signs we will still have something to live for once “Friends”
has vanished. Starring Christine Baranski and John Larroquette
as a married couple trapped in a nest that just won’t
seem to empty out, “Happy Family” has real promise.
I also find several cast members fairly attractive.
You can’t go wrong with Baranski, who has been sorely
missed on network television since her turn on CBS’s
“Cybil” a few years back where she played the vengeful,
alcoholic slut. It’s too bad “Happy Family”
has wasted her in the role of Annie, a suburban housewife
fretting about the disastrous lives of her grown, loser children.
Clearly they don’t recognize that old comedy rule: spurned
drunks are way funnier than sober parents. Hopefully they’ll
clue in soon and put a martini glass back in Baranski’s
hand for good.
As great as Baranski is, John Larroquette, in my opinion,
is the real reason to watch this program. This silver haired
fox hasn’t lost an ounce of his comic timing since we
last saw him steal the show on another legendary NBC comedy,
“Night Court." It’s pretty obvious Larroquette
will be center stage on here – delivering one liners
and making those uproariously funny "OH-MY-GOD"
faces as his children continually shock and appall him with
their unbelievable loserness. Yes, I said "loserness."
Okay, in all honesty John Larroquette really isn’t that
great on this show. I mean, he’s fine and everything
but not really that great. The truth is I’m just
really attracted to him. I mean, really, really attracted.
I know he's all old and kind of wrinkly but there's something
about that guy I can't explain. So there you go, John Larroquette
is a friggin genius. I smell Emmy! (Call me, John!).
Next on the NBC roster is “Whoopi," an ensemble
show about a small boutique hotel in New York and its cast
of zany characters who run it. It reminds me a lot of “Newhart”--
that 80's show starring Bob Newhart as an inn-keeper for a
New England bed and breakfast which he also ran with the help
of a cast of zany characters. The difference is this new show
isn't funny. The show depends on unimaginative stereotypes
and racial humor, like Whoopi’s brother’s white
girlfriend who pretends she's black. Yawn. "Newhart”certainly
never included a fat Iranian guy in a bad beret making continual
"I'm Persian, not Iranian" jokes (like there’s
a fricken difference!), they were too high class...and lilly
white. I just can't believeWhoopi Goldberg gave up "center
square" for this pile of crap. I wouldn't sleep with
any members of this cast even for drinks and a walk-on
part as the fiesty Italian chick who may or may not be associated
with the Mob.
You may be feeling pretty sad and depressed after reading
this article, but you shouldn’t because I have saved
the best for last! I’m here to tell you there is life
after “Friends” and its name is “Coupling”
which is making its network debut on September 25. “Coupling”
actually first ran on the BBC over 10 years ago. And it would
have stayed there had some horny NBC exec not snapped up the
rights during a “business” trip in London with his
22-year-old secretary. When “Coupling” made its
way to America in 1990, it was considered a bit too racy for
the American public, so it was toned down, re-packaged, and
born again as “Friends Like Us” which eventually
became “Friends”. Yep. I swear to God, it’s
the same show exactly. Same three boys, same three girls,
same coffee shop – same everything. Except maybe not
the same “Rachel-Hair” phenomenon, but everything
else exactly the same. Anyway, the point is that “Friends”
is going away but it’s being replaced by …“Friends”.
When you think about it, it’s kind of weird in a Star
Trek space-time-continuum sort of way, huh? I have no doubt
there will be a never-ending supply of male cast members and
hot guest stars who I will want to sleep with. That's enough
for me.
So you see? No one is losing a Bentley or being forced to
spend $500 an hour on hookers because there is light at the
end of the 2003-2004 season tunnel! Sure there are some crappy
shows clogging up the NBC network, but look at the bright
side, we have two versions of “Friends” on back
to back! That’s just like Haley’s comet or the whole
Mars is super duper close thing! Never again will two identical
shows starring two separate casts be on the same network again
in our lifetime. This is huge. So sit back, enjoy, and for
chrissakes get Tivo so you don't have to watch one more minute
of “Scrubs." That guy is really, really creepy.
|
|
John
Larroquette in "Happy Family." He's so friggin sexy
for an old guy!
SEND THIS ARTICLE TO A FRIEND!
|
|
